Papa Smurf

by Sharon O | Jul 6, 2011 | Uncategorized

For those who read my blog and follow it
you know the complicated feelings I have surrounding my dad.
My dad… who has been very ill now for over three weeks.
Actually he has been ill for over 5 years doing the dance of ups and downs with good health and not.
His lungs are not working well with a diagnoses of chronic copd.
He has leukemia and diabetes and his heart is not working well either.
This last round was very hard on his heart.
Entering the hospital with a blood pressure of 218/84 and a respiratory reading at 62 it was not good. He was very close to dying.
The doctors were not sure what was wrong but they knew he had double pneumonia, and with copd that is almost like drowning. Dad was extremely ill and spent 5 days in ICU then another 5 days in a room with part of that time spent in a cardiac room.
He is 84 years old.
He has lived a very long life working on ranches, in rodeos, sheep shearing and working as the best auctioneer in the county and one of the top sheep shearers too.
He is a cowboy by nature.
I am not sure if he has ridden a horse I suppose in his younger years he did.
I remember as a little girl seeing him brand cows as the cow dogs would work right along side him.
It scared me for the cows were not enjoying the process and the dirt and the smell was often overwhelming to me.
I was under five and still remember the sounds of the yelling and ‘chaos’ corralling the cows into the shoots.
My dad is a rough and tough,”I will do it myself man.”
As we age sometimes the reality that one cannot do that anymore is a hard thing to grasp.
Oxygen is now his companion… nurses come and go and check on levels in his blood and his air.
He is not happy with all the fussing or the process of trying to keep him stable.
I have a picture of him on my refrigerator with a flannel shirt and a red knitted hat along with red suspenders.
We call it our,”Papa Smurf ” picture.
For years I never knew him.
He was an image in my mind, a figure I imagined and wondered about but never knew personally.
When we did finally meet I was in my early 30’s.
He was a shadow of me or was I a shadow of him?
I told him he had to earn the right to be my dad.
Later I received a few hand written letters from him.
I will treasure them always.
They are stored in boxes of memories so far removed from my here and now life.
I will walk down that road someday and allow myself to feel and read the words scratched out on lined paper. His writing personal to me. His words etched in my memory, “you know I am not one for showing emotion.”  Perhaps that is where I learned to shut my own off.
He never saw my high school graduation or walked me down the aisle as a new bride, or held my first born son or later my daughter.
He was ‘absent’ for years.
My heart was full of questions that had no answers.
As a daughter you always want your ‘daddies’ love. As a daughter you always want to know, “do I matter to you?”
My grandma ‘his mom’ came to stay with our family one time when she was in her late 70’s or early 80’s. My children didn’t know who she was but they loved the fact that she was a spunky lady with a will as strong as a steel hammer. She would walk that country road as fast as my young ones any day.
Dad has the same resilience, the same bounce that always brings him back.
It’s a fight that doesn’t want the last battle to win.
I will not ever be ready for that phone call that tells me…
the battle is over he is gone and no longer with us.
My dad is hanging on by sheer will and determination.
The body is not as strong as it used to be and he is tired.
I pray for more time with him but I also know only
God knows how many days each of us have here.
When the phone rings I pray my heart will be ready to hear the news I don’t want to hear.
The years we missed will never be recovered.
Time cannot bring back lost days or lost memories.
What matters now are the words,
“I care for and love you.”
“I am praying for you.”
“I won’t blame you or judge you.”
“I will miss you always.”

My Home Sweet Home

by Sharon O | Jul 4, 2011 | Uncategorized

Confession and comfort foods

by Sharon O | Jun 29, 2011 | Uncategorized

Last weekend I had a hard few days.
My husband was gone from Friday to Sunday which left me alone.
Then my dad was admitted to intensive care in another state and it felt like things were becoming more difficult to handle again or at least out of my control.
Now that I am off the Popsicles that were SO refreshing as I was recovering from a fat face.
I have graduated to richer and better things.
Yes that is a bag of Hershey’s mini bars.
As the feeling of being alone sunk in and my lack of ability to make things change or become better for dad. I tried to think of what would ‘be yummy’ to snack on without totally breaking any kind of diet I would attempt to be on. When the store had 2 packages for $3.00 the opportunity was a huge leap for me. By nature sugar is not something that pulls me in as a relaxing food.
But chocolate at a good price? Who could pass it up?
Rationalization began to take place.
Reasoning began to knock away my arguments.
It is not too different than those dibs bite size ice cream pieces one or two won’t really hurt the diet too much. Really??
who am I kidding?
When the going gets rough chocolate always helps and generally wins no matter how many pounds or inches that have to be taken off.
Chocolate is a comfort food. (also a good glass of wine helps)

My first choice is usually Reese’s peanut butter cups or peanut m&m’s or bite sized licorice black and red. This felt to me like a safer choice since it would give me more self control since the bag was small and my typical snack is one or two small bars.
It has been pretty yummy and my favorite of the bunch is the deep chocolate.
My face is trying to break out of course since this is not a normal diet for me and my skin is rebelling.
But it is so worth it. I suggest when bad days come at you…
a krackle just might be what you need.
OR Have you ever tried Breyers heath bar ice cream?
Oh now THAT is a REAL treat.
I dare you or maybe just suggest that you try it this summer…
you won’t be sorry. You might even add a dab of fudge syrup on top.
This is a bit of confession for me and also
something to think about today.
Is it time for a snack??

Sharing some summer joys

by Sharon O | Jun 28, 2011 | Uncategorized

Birds deep inside their nest…resting.
Look close you can see them.
I have totally enjoyed these families this year. Especially since I was sick and couldn’t get out much this was my entertainment. Those birds cared for the babies all day long making the nest ready for a family then having the family. Now we have a second family moving in and sitting on soon to be babies again.

If you look close there is a bird on the left of the bird house and on the right of the bird house. 

Mommy bird feeding the baby birds. It was awesome to watch the energy level of the mommy she was devoted to feeding them every half hour or so. She was in and out all day long. The dad too.
On the last day I was gone for part of the day and when I was gone the birds left. They all flew away.
I missed it. I had been watching them every day and they left when I was gone. It saddened my heart to know I had missed it.

Isn’t this such a beautiful picture? YUM. YUM. We have been enjoying fresh apricots and watermelon, fresh corn on the cob. 

                                          
                                          Don’t those look wonderful?

And our courtyard is growing beautiful flowers and fresh strawberries are coming onto our bushes for a morning snack. It is awesome to have fresh fruit for breakfast. The blueberries are not yet ready maybe we have to wait for next year.

Our garden is starting to flourish and grow… soon we will have tomatoes and cucumbers and other wonderful fresh vegetables. I am happy that it is finally not raining and the sun is allowing a few things to grow. I am not by nature a summer fan, enjoy fall much better. But I do enjoy the fresh fruits and vegetables that go with summer.
How is your summer going??

Listen to the little ones

by Sharon O | Jun 25, 2011 | Uncategorized

I hope my last blog was not too intense.
My husband said to me after reading it,
“wow… you must have been mad.”
Well… yes I was…
and still feel angry that children so often have little choice as to what their lives will include or be involved in.
Big people make decisions and little people have to abide by them no matter if they like it or not.
As a child advocate I feel it is important to see the world through the eyes of the children.
As a grandma I get to see this many times as I watch and observe the mixed bag of feelings of the little ones. Often times I can give a different opinion because I am grandma, and a voice of experience. I am not a tired parent I am grandma with a ‘different point of view.’
When I was little and growing up I remember feeling
like ‘I had no voice.’ I really didn’t. None of us did.
We moved many times and we had no choice.
You just followed and did as you were told.
We changed schools many times and learned to adapt in order to survive.
Life is not fair for the little ones.
Perhaps that is why Jesus made such a strong opinion about them.
He was a child advocate.
He used them as an example because he knew they believed without question.
Sometimes as an adult it would be good for us to put down our adult ‘world’ and try to see the world through their eyes.
When I have a toddler around I get on the floor and try to see their worldview as a little one always looking up.
It is very different than looking down.
Try it sometime you will be amazed.
It is a perspective of smallness of lack of ability and of needing help.
I am short and often times I have to ask for help when trying to reach tall things.
Little ones are not that different.
They need our help. They need our guidance.
They need our time to listen and understand their point of view.
They don’t always ask in a way that we think is appropriate.
They just want us to be available.
I am not saying give them their way always.
That would be wrong and would not teach responsibility or obedience.
But I am saying we need to think of the children.
Next time when you are out in a public store look at ‘the faces’
listen to the dialogue around them and look in their eyes.
Learn to put yourself in their place and ask yourself how you would feel.
Take time to listen to the precious ones.

I think it is very important to play and let them know they are very important to us.
As adults we don’t do that often enough. Let the child run and express joy.
Perhaps we can learn something from them in the process.
(picture is of Faith at age 3 running freely as a child in our favorite place ~ the beach)

Upsetting show

by Sharon O | Jun 21, 2011 | Uncategorized

Following on the topic of children.
I am a child advocate and I have been very upset and angry at a show that TLC has on its station.
Maybe I have said this before but little children and especially little babies should be just that.
They have innocence no one has the right to remove.
They are precious and they should be protected.
They are not beauty queens and they should not forced to be.
They are not competitors either.
They are not puppet’s to fulfill some mother’s unfilled need to be a winner at any cost.
I have never watched the show in it’s entirety because I dislike it so much.
I have seen previews and that was enough for me to form an opinion.
I think it should be illegal. Just as it is illegal to exploit children in other instances why shouldn’t this show be illegal? They are forcing little girls, to dress up like Vegas girls and show off and dance and it just makes my stomach turn. What are these parents thinking and especially what are they trying to prove? It is incredibly sad to me that the parents have agreed to do this in return for money.
The previews have shown little ones screaming and crying because the dresses are itchy and they don’t want makeup on and they are tired and they are children who just want to play and be little.
I think the mom’s should STOP.
I think the producers should STOP.
I think the station is wrong to promote this type of show.
Who is protecting the children?
Never would I force a child to do anything against their will.
Oh I have made them realize it is bedtime when they are not minding and way too tired to make a good choice for themselves.
I don’t force them to eat… I negotiate. Let’s count… if you eat two to four bites then you can get down. Children can have a voice and they do tell us if we listen when they feel safe or not.
This show is wrong.
It is never ever ok to have these kinds of shows that devalue the life of a little child.
It is sickening to make these little precious ones prance around stage as if they are 35.
Today I just wanted to share my opinion however strong it is.
I was going to post a picture of the show but the whole concept makes my stomach turn.
I can’t do it. 
If you don’t know the show just imagine…
what toddlers and tiaras would look like.

A first for us

by Sharon O | Jun 18, 2011 | Uncategorized

This week was a first for us.
I went to our first grand daughter and our first grand child’s sixth grade graduation.
She is tiny in size in comparison to a lot of her friends.
She is very smart, and very beautiful of course I am grandma and I would say that. But she is very beautiful and I feel very honored to be her grandma.
She changed my life forever.
I remember when she was born. It will be something never forgotten it is etched in my heart as a wonderful tender memory.
She arrived 6 weeks early weighing only 2 pounds 11oz, that night a tiny miracle stole my heart. 
She was so wonderful and so perfect. I worried. I prayed. I cried.
I marveled at her beauty. I was amazed at how healthy she was.
She had iv’s for a few days in her head, she had no oxygen and took no time to learn how to drink a bottle. Normally preemies struggle with that and she caught on very quickly.
She was released to go home when she was 3 weeks old after graduating from nicu weighing 3 pounds 9 oz.
Did this grandma worry? YES and I prayed intensely for her to be strong.
I will always pray and be her advocate.

                   

It was an emergency and when she and her mommy were in a crisis God’s angels protected them and I have told her they have always had a hand on her life because she is very special and God has a very special plan for her.
A few weeks ago we celebrated her 12th birthday and I cannot believe she is going into 7th grade now. Time keeps moving forward and the children grow and grandma watches with sadness mixed with tender memories.
I hope and pray she will always know how much this grandma loves her.
She was a first for us. She made us grand parents.
The job is an honor and privilege. Thank you Faith Elizabeth.
We love you always.
(picture on blanket was at age 5months weighing 8 pds 5oz)

An advocate and a place of refuge

by Sharon O | Jun 10, 2011 | Uncategorized

Our Pastor taught on Nehemiah this last Sunday.
I have to admit it is not a book I readily rush to in the old Testament. Not sure why I love the stories of the old prophets and teachers in some ways it is more interesting than the new Testament.
My favorite part would be the Psalms.
One year when our children were younger I did an in depth study on Israel and the Minor Prophets and it was the BEST Bible study I ever experienced. I learned more in that year than I did my whole ‘life’ as a Christian.
In Nehemiah God teaches about the concept of advocate ~ anytime there is an injustice there needs to be an advocate in place to protect the one or ones ‘in crisis’. 
Advocate means: one that defends or maintains a cause or proposal of safety. Or one that supports or promotes the interest of another.
Pastor said: to be a person of refuge is about collaboration.(which basically means the act of working together on a joint project.)
Also a to be a person of refuge is to be in close proximity. (One has to be close to walk alongside someone else. It can’t be done through distance or miles.)
Pastor also said: to be a person of refuge is about filling in the gaps and helping one to rebuild what was perhaps broken or unsafe.
Pastor also said: to be a person of refuge is to be a person of courage when perhaps the one ‘being helped’ is not that strong.
Pastor also said: to be a person of refuge for another is about a lifestyle of open hands and open hearts.
To be an advocate for someone is to put your own opinions on the sidelines and to think solely of the one you are advocating for.
It is a place of strength and purpose and I suppose a place of power and control in some sense.
I have a sister who I have to do all business and social services calls for. I have to pay her bills and keep her in line with appointments and assessments. I can say I am her advocate. I am her voice and I help her to stay safe and in a controlled environment.
My husband is becoming his dad’s advocate. Speaking for him when he sometimes cannot.
Who in your life are you advocating for?
A child ~ A grand child ~ A coworker ~ Someone elderly ~
Someone at your church or volunteer position?
Are you opening your hand and heart to help one another?
It is a challenge for us all to look beyond our ‘self’ and see and experience those who ‘need’ someone to come alongside them.
Following up from the last writing Jesus was an advocate for women.
He gave value and voice to them and walked alongside them
as they learned they had purpose.
I think it is a challenge for us all.
Are you a place of refuge and advocate to anyone today?
If you are not…I challenge you to ask yourself why.
Perhaps there is someone who needs you to be their advocate and place of refuge.
Just a little ‘something to think about.’