by Sharon O | Aug 2, 2011 | Uncategorized
Reconciliation:
to become friendly with someone after estrangement
or to re-establish friendly relations between two or more people.
That is the definition of reconciliation from dictionary.com.
Have you ever been given a gift to your heart?
A REAL gift from the heart from someone with whom
you have had a wounded and confused and almost broken relationship with?
I am following up on the writing I did on January 30th.
I was in a relationship that was strained at the time.
Broken.
Fractured.
Like a leg or arm that needed healing after a break
my heart needed time to repair itself.
My heart hurt very deeply and felt
shattered.
My spirit in a cast recovering
from the shock and wound
given to me
by someone I cared for.
After much time
After much prayer
Deep prayer.
Distance.
More prayer.
More distance.
And more time.
This person and I are healing our relationship.
We gave each other the gifts of our hearts and
we are pressing forward towards a new beginning with each other.
Some relationships have more value than others
and this one was very valuable to me.
It was important for us to do the ‘steps’
to make it healthy and new ~
different and restored.
The depth of the
the misunderstanding and
the words
were like huge boulders that stood in the way
of a clear chance of relationship building.
We remained blocked by chunks of rock that hurt the relationship.
A series of circumstances took place
and a phone call or two took place
and the realization that we missed each other
took place within our hearts
and it was good.
What was done
What was wrong
What was spoken out loud.
Was forgiven ~ Not forgotten ~ But forgiven.
Love can build a bridge if we allow it to heal
our hearts.
Love can build a bridge that crosses from one side of brokenness
to the other side of complete healing.
Love can build a bridge
like a safety shelter from the raging danger below.
There is danger all around us
if we don’t be careful.
Words hurt
Words break hearts.
Words also can heal and restore and renew
what was sacred and precious if given the opportunity to redeem oneself.
Love can bridge the wounded
so long as they are both willing to start from each side
and meet in the middle.
A middle ground is a gift between two people
who have been wounded and hurt and broken.
Moving towards being forever friends and forever healed and
forever caring for each others hearts.
We move slow
We move carefully
We realize this gift from the heart is a gift we cannot discount.
If we learn the lesson to heal and move forward and never do something
to hurt each other again.
Have you been given that chance by someone
to start over and begin new and fresh with a new ‘attitude and process’?
Do you need to?
Perhaps there is someone in your life who needs a bit of Grace given to them.
Just something to think about today.
by Sharon O | Jul 27, 2011 | Uncategorized
My husband and I at our favorite place the beach.
A Father and Son picture isn’t is just too funny?
Our Son Christopher and his wife Sarah have three little boys!
Super Heroes ~ Samuel, Seth and Josiah
Our daughter Sarah and her husband Doug… have three daughters.
Hannah, Alexis and Faith
Yes Hannah on left and Alexis on right are identical twins and Yes they surprised this grandma and grandpa we had no idea we would have twins in the family. In this photo they were a week old.
We are so blessed to have all six of these beautiful grand children. We feel it is an honor and a privilege to pray for them and support them. Samuel, Hannah and Alexis are all age 7 Josiah is age 3 Seth is now age 10 months and Faith just turned 12.
We could not be happier grandparents…God has blessed us far beyond what we ever thought possible.
by Sharon O | Jul 25, 2011 | Uncategorized
This last weekend was the Wilsonville relay for life.
It is a cancer walk to raise funds for cancer research.
My daughter was one of the head ‘directors’ in charge of corporate giving.
This is my grand daughter and I walking the walk.
Faith Elizabeth is going to be in 7th grade.
Yes she is tiny in size although she has some height going for her.
I am five feet tall so you can see she is catching up with me.
The relay is from Friday night 6 pm to Saturday morning closing at 10 am.
The final count for donations at 10 am
$60,000.00
Isn’t that awesome?
CANCER research will go on and hopefully many diseases will be cured.
We walked for mom O and for my dad N who is still fighting the fight.
by Sharon O | Jul 20, 2011 | Uncategorized
The grand daughters were having fun playing and running around the back yard playing in the sprinklers with Emma my dog.
Then of course big sister Faith gets the hose and decides to squirt the little ones.
It was fun to watch them scream and run away then come back for more.
Yes they are twins Hannah and Alexis age 7 years and Faith is 12 not a lot bigger than they are.
In the mean time…
The papa and mama bird on the patio were showing signs of being nervous because they had ‘new’ eggs in the bird house and they didn’t want them to be bothered by happy children. Or soaked by a hose or whatever else birds see as a danger to their newly laid eggs. I told the girls to be very careful.
Waiting patiently for the noise to stop and the children to leave… papa bird sat on the fence watching for the opportunity to ‘check’ on his babies to be. He is the most care taking papa I have seen and this is our second batch of babies in the last 3 months. He was there sitting at the house before he even found a mama to set up a home with. It has been fun to watch him woo her and wait for little ones.
He would move closer then move away… the eggs are in the nest to the right and papa was showing signs of agitation and anxiety. Wanting to protect whatever that nest held inside. I often wanted to peek inside it but I am way too short and to step on a stool would be not so safe.
After what seemed like an hour I told the girls we needed to go in or go to the courtyard so the eggs can be checked on by the papa bird. He was wanting to see if things were alright.
He would move from bird house to bird house
waiting for the time to fly into their own.
Still waiting for the time…
after the children left the patio and the quiet settled in he finally flew into the right bird house and I imagine sat for a while on the eggs. About two weeks later we have at least two babies perhaps three and he is the most doting papa bird much more than the mama bird. I placed bird feeders near them so they have seeds and whatever they might need for the babies. This has been a very fun year watching each batch of families for a brief amount of time. I think I could be a bird person it is fascinating to watch how they take care of their own and just hang out.
Before we all left the patio my oldest grand daughter thought she would try to squirt grandma… not a good idea. I captured a cute picture anyway. Isn’t that the most ‘oh my gosh I was caught look?’
Title of the picture is: Don’t you dare squirt your grandma with that cold water…Isn’t she cute??
by Sharon O | Jul 18, 2011 | Uncategorized
“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”
Lord help me to walk closer to you and to walk with intensity and conviction.
Help me to hold fast to your teachings so that I can bind them in my head and in my heart.
Help me to take a firm grip of your life saving hope.
Help me to know that without you
I would be nothing.
Carry me when I feel faint and tired.
Empower me when I feel like I have no words.
Give me wisdom and discernment that only comes
from reading your word and listening to your Holy Spirit.
Attend to my broken heart for
I am broken by so many things that break you and your heart.
I have heard a saying that says, “give me a heart that breaks like yours does.”
Could I deal with that much pain?
Help me to follow you
Help me to serve you
Help me to break and remove the chains that hold me back
from receiving your power and your love.
Forgive me Lord
For I have failed you.
Forgive me Lord for having a selfish heart
and a spirit of individualism and often times an “I want” attitude.
I don’t want to be centered around myself.
Show me and guide me when I move in that direction.
Give me wisdom and help me listen to your correction.
For you are all glory ~ power and praise worthy.
You remain a light unto my path when my path feels so shaky.
You remain strength when I feel weak.
You remain hope when I am not sure where hope is.
Thank you God that I can rely on you always.
For you are love and you love me and I will always praise you.
by Sharon O | Jul 16, 2011 | Uncategorized
Tonight on ABC with Diane Sawyer there will be an encore presentation of the story I wrote about.
Additional details surrounding it all and other dialogue’s will be on the show.
Just thought I would share it in case someone who reads this blog is interested in seeing who Jaycee is and the rest of ‘her story.’ There are many details I did not write about or do not know about.
It is a powerful testimony of resilience and life and hope and she has been on my mind since I saw the first episode. Just can’t imagine the magnitude of her life and all the missing years.
The sad part is this:
how many other children are out there and no one has found them yet?
by Sharon O | Jul 14, 2011 | Uncategorized
I watched the Diane Sawyer special on Sunday night about Jaycee Dugard and her life as a kidnapped victim for over 18 years.
I had so many mixed emotions as I was watching it.
Her strength and courage were amazing.
Her lack of hatred or bitterness was also an amazing thing to experience.
She truly did not feel it was worth her time to waste it on strong feelings
towards her perpetrator.
She said to Diane, “Why do I want to give him that much power?”
She was 11 years old when he picked her off the street and drove away with her.
She was in 5th grade and an adorable young elementary student who never would have thought that morning as she was heading for school she would be kidnapped and not ever found for 18 long years. Her mother remembers Jaycee asking for a hug and her mom through her tears said,
“I was too busy and too interested in getting to work on time I could not hug my daughter.” through her tears, she said, “And I couldn’t for so many years after that.”
I felt so sorry for her and the deep regret and grief she felt.
Jaycee lived in the back yard of a sexual offender and the officials failed her over and over
with every home visit they did with him.
I was watching the special and I was angry that no one found the little girl
who lived in a shed at first then later moved to a tent city he had set up for her.
She did not go outside for years.
She did not see the light of day.
She was handcuffed and kept locked up.
Can you even imagine?
As she spoke to Diane I was noticing how beautiful she was.
How she lost so much of her life because of the selfishness of
one man and one woman
yet she seemed strong and not bitter or angry.
I keep thinking of a little girl alone
at night crying for her mama.
She said the nights were the worst – so long and scary.
I keep thinking of a little girl in the dark.
trying so hard to be brave yet feeling so much fear.
How did she ever sleep?
I keep thinking of a little girl alone
repeatedly abused by a man who was distorted and sick
and very evil.
After seeing this show I keep thinking of the childhood lost
of a little girl forgotten.
The years moved on and those whose lives were not touched
by her being missing
never really thought about her.
I cried as I watched the show.
For the mom who searched day and night for a daughter missing.
My heart was very moved by the question Diane asked Jaycee,
“What kept you going all those years?”
Jaycee said with tears in her eyes,
“I hoped my mom would accept me and love me and that I would see her alive someday.”
As a child alone she had two other children by the evil perpetrator who held her captive.
She said others have asked her, “Why didn’t you ever leave?”
and she answered, “I knew that was never an option.”
She said she had pet cats appear then disappear
it is a threat taken very seriously by someone who is being abused.
No one knows that power unless one has been there amidst the evil.
Her identity left as the abuse continued.
She became Alyssa the name of an actress who played
a tv personality on the show ‘Who’s the boss’
featuring a young girl who lived in a family.
She was not allowed to say or write her own name.
Because of one man who never should have been out on parole
she lost her voice, her identity and her innocence.
The officials were manipulated into believing he was a good man
who would never be a harm to society once released.
They were wrong.
Someone really messed up and should be held accountable.
I pray we have learned something from this situation.
I pray that no one should ever have to go through her kind of darkness again.
Jaycee was saved because of the intuition and courage of a few detectives
who felt something was wrong when they saw her and her ‘daughters’ with their offender.
It was one of the first times they had gone out in public
as a small group and it looked very suspicious to the detectives.
They had no idea what they would uncover as they searched
his name on computer files.
They took the chance to follow up and do some research on
who he was and what he was doing in their area.
A lost child was found and a new life was given
to Jaycee and her children.
I pray we all use a bit of discernment and follow up
even if we are not sure it is better to be wrong
then pass by an opportunity that could perhaps
be saving the life of a child.
I pray we have the strength to take a risk
even if that risk means we make others listen.
A new life was given because someone cared.
by Sharon O | Jul 12, 2011 | Uncategorized
I am dealing with a new diagnosis my dad received from his oncologist.
It doesn’t sound positive and dad is looking pretty tired after the last hospital experience.
The leukemia he did have changed and now he is fighting acute/chronic lymphoblastic leukemia.
I looked it up on web md to see what exactly it was that he is dealing with.
Perhaps that was a mistake for now it feels like he won’t be here that long.
Acute means serious, chronic means hard to beat or fight as in on going, and it is cancer of the blood which in time can affect organs or more cell dysfunction.
My thoughts are a bit jumbled and I am not even sure what to think or feel.
With his chronic copd condition, he is on full oxygen now around the clock.
With his diabetes he is being monitored often by the home health nurse who comes to visit.
A few weeks ago he had double pneumonia and possibly a slight heart attack.
The heart doctor was pleased with the heart ‘condition’ now but if the blood is affected how could it not make him feel worse?
So much going on.
Also my mothers new diagnosis a few months ago of Parkinson’s disease.
Aging is not often fun.
At least my husband feels good and I am not sick either.
Thank God.
What a year we have had.
How has your year been?
by Sharon O | Jul 11, 2011 | Uncategorized
I loved the clouds they were awesome and very entertaining as they moved with the wind in the sky. They looked like flying angels.
Can you see the wings??
It was beautiful.
The grand daughters and grandpa played in the water.
I sat in my chair and relaxed. It was a bit cold about 65 with a wind and half of the time I had a sweatshirt on and half I was comfortable with a sleeveless shirt on.
It was deceiving for it looked very warm out there.
I love the crosses they are so welcoming and so peaceful.
We went to the beach today. Someone did not use sunscreen as she sat and relaxed.
Why? I am not sure but the red you see here is also on my chest, neck and face.
Yes folks I am toasted. Maybe tomorrow I won’t be feeling the pain so much.
Sorry I couldn’t make my feet look better, size six shoe, small feet very burned I even have some red on the bottoms of my feet because the sand was warm. They are also swollen.
I was wearing salt water sandals and they protected some of my feet but not all.
Rule number one.. don’t forget your feet.
It is very painful if you burn them.
by Sharon O | Jul 6, 2011 | Uncategorized
For those who read my blog and follow it
you know the complicated feelings I have surrounding my dad.
My dad… who has been very ill now for over three weeks.
Actually he has been ill for over 5 years doing the dance of ups and downs with good health and not.
His lungs are not working well with a diagnoses of chronic copd.
He has leukemia and diabetes and his heart is not working well either.
This last round was very hard on his heart.
Entering the hospital with a blood pressure of 218/84 and a respiratory reading at 62 it was not good. He was very close to dying.
The doctors were not sure what was wrong but they knew he had double pneumonia, and with copd that is almost like drowning. Dad was extremely ill and spent 5 days in ICU then another 5 days in a room with part of that time spent in a cardiac room.
He is 84 years old.
He has lived a very long life working on ranches, in rodeos, sheep shearing and working as the best auctioneer in the county and one of the top sheep shearers too.
He is a cowboy by nature.
I am not sure if he has ridden a horse I suppose in his younger years he did.
I remember as a little girl seeing him brand cows as the cow dogs would work right along side him.
It scared me for the cows were not enjoying the process and the dirt and the smell was often overwhelming to me.
I was under five and still remember the sounds of the yelling and ‘chaos’ corralling the cows into the shoots.
My dad is a rough and tough,”I will do it myself man.”
As we age sometimes the reality that one cannot do that anymore is a hard thing to grasp.
Oxygen is now his companion… nurses come and go and check on levels in his blood and his air.
He is not happy with all the fussing or the process of trying to keep him stable.
I have a picture of him on my refrigerator with a flannel shirt and a red knitted hat along with red suspenders.
We call it our,”Papa Smurf ” picture.
For years I never knew him.
He was an image in my mind, a figure I imagined and wondered about but never knew personally.
When we did finally meet I was in my early 30’s.
He was a shadow of me or was I a shadow of him?
I told him he had to earn the right to be my dad.
Later I received a few hand written letters from him.
I will treasure them always.
They are stored in boxes of memories so far removed from my here and now life.
I will walk down that road someday and allow myself to feel and read the words scratched out on lined paper. His writing personal to me. His words etched in my memory, “you know I am not one for showing emotion.” Perhaps that is where I learned to shut my own off.
He never saw my high school graduation or walked me down the aisle as a new bride, or held my first born son or later my daughter.
He was ‘absent’ for years.
My heart was full of questions that had no answers.
As a daughter you always want your ‘daddies’ love. As a daughter you always want to know, “do I matter to you?”
My grandma ‘his mom’ came to stay with our family one time when she was in her late 70’s or early 80’s. My children didn’t know who she was but they loved the fact that she was a spunky lady with a will as strong as a steel hammer. She would walk that country road as fast as my young ones any day.
Dad has the same resilience, the same bounce that always brings him back.
It’s a fight that doesn’t want the last battle to win.
I will not ever be ready for that phone call that tells me…
the battle is over he is gone and no longer with us.
My dad is hanging on by sheer will and determination.
The body is not as strong as it used to be and he is tired.
I pray for more time with him but I also know only
God knows how many days each of us have here.
When the phone rings I pray my heart will be ready to hear the news I don’t want to hear.
The years we missed will never be recovered.
Time cannot bring back lost days or lost memories.
What matters now are the words,
“I care for and love you.”
“I am praying for you.”
“I won’t blame you or judge you.”
“I will miss you always.”
