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I finished the second week of radiation

I finished the second week of radiation.
My husband drives me every day for an hour for an appointment; that takes about seven to ten minutes, then drive home for another hour till the next day.
I purposely made the appointment times at noon.
That way it is a slow moving morning, for coffee and shower and prepping my head around another radiation treatment.
The medical people are very nice and I feel; even though it’s their job every day there also something I can do to be a light, a joyful presence for a short amount of time for them.
When you go into the room you are placed on a metal table with a pillow. They always ask if I want a warm blanket and I did once; but somehow that doesn’t seem to help the environment setting.
They position me on the table and then leave me alone in the room full of radioactive signs that say, “do not enter. caution.”
A large machine moves across my chest and beams a red beam at different angles.
I looked into it once and then decided I valued my eyesight so I look on the ceiling now.
I can’t feel anything happening it is just a low humming sound.
My skin is responding good so far, leaving me with just a small amount of residual redness.
As I lay on the hard metal table I remind myself the cancer is gone; this is just a preventative measure.
Cancer will always be in the back of our minds and in my chart. But it does not define me.
My God is greater and more powerful than the word cancer.
I feel incredibly blessed that it was found quickly and the biopsy procedure removed it.
Spring is coming and I will do what I can to enjoy the sun, flowers and moments.
I finished the second week of radiation and soon there will be more.
How I deal with it, is a choice I must make everyday.

I finished the first week of radiation

I finished the first week of radiation sessions.
Getting used to the routine now, at first I would change into the gown and then get a bathrobe too.
Now I just get a gown on and hold it in the back until they need me to walk down the hall.
The session really only takes about 15 minutes; that includes changing into the gown and waiting for them.
It is fast, and I they tell me very effective.
Most days they have a video on the ceiling so when you are laying there alone in the radioactive room, you can watch something nice like a field of flowers in the wind, or the oceans waves.
The technicians and doctor are all very nice and I have no complaints about any of the experience.
The doctor I see every Wednesday is very good with lots of information and I feel I am in good care.
Twenty sessions should do what they were expecting.
I have three weeks left. Fifteen more days on the road driving to and from; then back home for lunch.
I made my appointments all at noon.
That way I can get up, shower without hurrying and get my breakfast and coffee.
I hate to race out the door.
I am by nature not a morning person.
Usually I am awake and moving by eight but not rushing to go somewhere.
Now my husband likes to get up and get things done.
I am supposed to look for signs of fatigue and signs of redness and burning on my skin.
I am supposed to use a cream they recommended and be sure to wash it off before my treatment.
It feels strange and surreal to me at times, as I lay on the table doing treatment.
I finished my first week of radiation and I am heading into more.
Cancer will not be my banner, but it has to be put in my medical file.
It was for sure positive. It was for sure the best possible kind to get. It was for sure enclosed within itself.
I am thankful and full of praise that it was not worse and that it was removed.
Some people don’t get to say that.
(This is not my picture but it says so much in reference of cancer and surgery… I pray it’s ok to use it.)

Today would be my sister’s birthday

Today would be my sister’s birthday,
She passed away June eighth of last year.
She was about fourteen months older than me.
I was the youngest of three daughters.
I was not able to see her before she died and that will always be a ‘hard thing’ for me to deal with.
It just couldn’t happen and I had to come to terms with the knowing, ‘she was dying without me’.
I know she was a believer and I do think and feel in my heart that she went home to heaven.
She had a rough life with many lives as we always teased her about ‘which one she was using up this time.’
(you know like a cat has nine lives?)
She was a survivor.
A challenge on many levels, and I often thought of the song in Sound of Music, “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” Because she was like that, she wasn’t a problem she just had many complicated issues to deal with and as she aged those issues magnified.
She was on hospice two times. She had a lot of humor and when she wasn’t; she was pretty simple and sometimes difficult to deal with. She was one of those children years ago, who should have required more help in school.
She grew up and did ok. Her ability to adapt was always there and she learned to be very street smart.
She had a husband who loved her till the day he died.
As she aged we were able to move her to an assisted living home and she had an apartment full of stuff; it would look like a well kept hoarder space.
Not garbage or junk just a lot of stuff crammed into many shelves, cabinets or drawers.
She smoked many years and that finally caught up with her.
I was her advocate for many years. Even as the little sister I spoke words to the professionals about her.
She never finished school, and never really drove very much. (Thank God)
I brought her home from Arkansas paying her way because I knew if I didn’t she would never come back home.
She did and so did her family.
Today would be my sister’s birthday. The first one since she passed away.
I will always miss her, and always remember the times we spent together.
Mary I miss you, and I pray you are once more with the one who loved you.

Continuing this journey of healing

Continuing this journey of healing, Monday the 3rd I went into the radiology cancer center for the beginning phase of radiation.
They led me into a back waiting room and I sat down while waiting for someone to tell me what I was supposed to do next, this is all new to me and I was very unsure.
A man walked by and asked if I was waiting for something, “Yes I am here for the first procedure.”
He told me I would need a gown and a robe for privacy and showed me where to change.
Then he told me it would be a CT scan which surprised me.
I changed and waited for another lady to come get me.
We entered a room with a machine in it.
She had me lay down on my back and then she marked the radiation spots.
The doctor came in and placed tape where they wanted to focus on. Then she left the room.
The lady had me hold my arms up above my head and hold onto a bar. I was on a soft formed pillow.
The machine whirled above me and I kept thinking it was like a MRI only not as noisy.
When that was over she said, “now you get your tatoo’s.”
I wouldn’t want one on a normal day and definitely not on a radiation day.
She gave me three pokes that hurt and I was totally not thrilled.
I imagine it has to do with the placement of the radiation sites.
We left there and went home.
Wednesday the 5th I had to go back to the hospital for a bone scan.
That was another whirling machine only I did not have to get in a robe and it was very fast.
After that appointment we had to go to a dermatology appointment for my husband.
He had some basal cell tissue removed on his arm and they were evaluating the next phase for him.
His next biopsy will be after my radiation is over.
The rest of this week I have been relaxing since I know the next month is going to be very hard.
My husband went to the beach yesterday and worked with the guys and today he is at a sportsman show.
He needs down time too.
Continuing this journey of healing I will try to document it all so I won’t forget the details.

The pathology report plus some other news

The pathology report plus some other news has been the agenda for the last week or so.
According to what I was told the pathology report was very good and all the margins around the surgery site, were clear. This is very good news and it basically means the cancer was removed when I had the biopsy.
Now I still have things I must do in order to finish this process.
I met with the oncologist and we talked about a medication I will be taking but first I have to have a bone scan.
It is important to find out if I have weakened bones or not before this medication gets in my system.
I also will be starting radiation in a week or two.
I have to go in for the initial radiation markings then the following week it will be every day, five days a week for four weeks.
I’m nervous about the radiation process.
It is going to be hard on my sensitive skin but I will do it because I need to and at least I don’t have to have chemo.
I now have a surgeon, an oncologist, a general care doctor and a radiology doctor.
This whole process has been quite the journey.
This new year has brought a lot of changes with thought provoking details.
I am considered a cancer patient even though the cancer was removed.
God will give me the strength, the endurance and the prayers to get through this and I will come out stronger.
May I learn to be a light to those around me and also be encouraging through this process.
Doctors are just doing what they are trained to do and I have no complaints about any of them.
In fact I sing high praises for the anesthesiologist who did my surgery, I woke up with no nausea.
That was my biggest fear and it was handled very well.
The pathology report was a good one and I am thankful that this journey is a prayer filled one.
I don’t know what I would do if I had no faith to rely on.

While waiting for the pathology report

While waiting for the pathology report I found myself in the middle of calm and anxiety.
Both were true. I was trusting in the process.
Trusting in the surgeon and praying for a direction to lean into.
About eight days after my surgery the nurse called and told me that I had great news.
The surgeon felt the cancer was fully removed during the biopsy process.
The margins around my surgery site were clean. The pathology report clean.
I had no further need for more surgery and no chemo.
I would be continuing the plan for radiation just to be sure the cells are gone.
I guess this is preventative and I will also see a oncologist for some medication advise.
This is all good news.
Did that mean I was cancer free?
What a circle of feelings to go from a positive reading to now a clean margin, in just a few weeks.
I am amazed, thankful and praise God for so much prayers and for this experience.
Yes, it’s been a new adventure. One that I could never have imagined.
Any time you do a medical process so much is layered into the experience.
Concerns, worries, fatigue and fear.
I will forever be a cancer survivor and I say that with a knowing; that I was given this so I can share with others.
My experience is not like others. Some who I know have had double mastectomies. Some have had reconstruction.
It is a very individual and unique experience for each patient.
I cannot say I am totally done with this process. Not for five years. That is the plan.
But in five years I will be seventy years old and the life that is given to me will be full of praise and thanksgiving.
Throughout my life I have survived many things, and this is one more for the book.
While waiting for the pathology report, I learned to lean in and trust deeper.

Tuesday the 7th was my surgery day

Tuesday the 7th was my surgery day.
I woke up early, preparing my mind for what was going to take place.
It is always a bit surreal when you know you are going to the hospital and you will be having surgery.
Life as you know it, will change. It will be different. It will be a new chapter.
I was very calm. Not afraid.
In fact when the anesthesiologist asked me what I was fearing the most, I said, “The nausea.”
I get very sick with the drugs they give you to go to sleep.
The guy heard me and said, “Ok we will take care of this for you.”
We were running a bit late on the agenda; I had to go to mammography and get a guide wire placed using the mammography machine.
That was a bit uncomfortable but all in all it went smooth. Then I was wheeled into the surgery room.
I don’t remember much after that the anesthesia guy gave me a shot in my IV and I took a nice nap.
In the recovery room they had to wake me up; I guess it took a bit longer for me to come back from a deep sleep.
Then I was wheeled into my ‘day surgery’ room.
They gave me some cheese as I had not eaten for well over 14 hours and I was hungry and needing a snack.
After a few hours I was able to get my regular clothes on and head home.
It has been a slow recovery, the incision was 4-5 inches and glued shut.
I am actually doing very well.
I am SO relieved and SO thankful I had no nausea. NOT one moment.
They had put a patch behind my ear, and they were very proactive with medications.
I sense my fatigue but that is normal for a surgery patient and I am being very careful not to use my right side.
I see the doctor on the 20th and not long after that I will begin my radiation journey.
Every day for four to six weeks.
This is not the way I would have wanted to begin my new 2020 new year but God is in this and I am not scared.
This journey will be a new chapter for me and I will be open and willing to do what needs to be done.

A new year ahead of us with a new diagnosis

A new year ahead of us with a new diagnosis.
The month of December arrived as normal, getting ready for Christmas and all the holiday cheer.
I had a mammogram scheduled at the hospital and our radiology department has the new ‘3d’ machine.
It is much more accurate and detailed and I was very happy about it.
They had me coming in every six months for what is called calcifications, and they were watching them closely.
A normal mammogram takes about fifteen minutes. Then they send you home.
I was in there over an hour, they needed more views, more detail, more pictures.
Then I was moved into the ultrasound room.
By this time I asked them to tell my husband I was ok; as he was in the waiting room.
After the ultrasound the tech told me I needed to speak to the radiologist.
By that time again I asked them to get my husband and bring him back to the room.
So the radiologist spoke to us and told us he was concerned about an area and suggested a biopsy.
That was scheduled a few days later and I had it done.
That was a very interesting procedure. (IN the mammogram room.)
They had given me a valium for the biopsy as it was a bit scary and uncomfortable.
After the biopsy I had a MRI on both sides which is a very interesting experience.
We waited from Thursday to Monday for the final call.
When the phone rang I knew it was the doctors office telling me; I had what they called, “ductal carcinoma.”
Breast cancer. I listened to her and took notes. I remained very calm.
It is not a death sentence, it can be removed. I will trust the surgeon.
We met with the surgeon two times and she told us this is the best kind to get.
It is isolated and encapsulated within the duct.
Surgery will be a lumpectomy and then I won’t have to have chemo but I will have radiation.
Every day for four to six weeks.
It is a hard diagnosis but I have been at peace. I have not been scared or worried.
It could be way worse so I am thankful we caught it before it had a chance to grow and spread.
My recovery shouldn’t be too horrible. Just stitches to heal.
Maybe some residual burn from the radiation.
I am on a five year plan, I have a nurse, surgeon and cancer doctor.
My word of the year is REST and that is what I plan on doing.

The end of an era and a new year is ahead

The end of an era and a new year is ahead of us.
2019 will come to a close, I will most likely be sleeping at 12:00 am.
We rarely stay up late and party till the last moments.
It’s just not our style. I may have a glass of wine to ring in the new year.
That is acceptable and ok.
It will be a new year for us; in our new little home that we moved into in April of this year.
It was a fast good move, one we have not really regretted.
We find ourselves liking the single story tiny home feel.
I know it was for a purpose and we had a lot of peace in the decision.
It always felt like it was for a reason but I couldn’t figure out ‘how or why’.
I do know now.
I also lost my sister Mary in June. Of all the years to lose her after battling her ‘demons’ for many years.
Her health was struggling and it really was time for her to leave.
We have some health challenges ahead of us and we will push through those with great determination.
We trust in this process and we trust in the God who gives us strength through it all.
The year 2020 will bring new lessons to learn and new experiences to feel.
It will be good. It will be hard and challenging but nothing happens without a reason.
And I believe He gives us strength to match the challenges given.
I am sure we will be ok.
The end of an era is not a negative it is a good start for us.
I am trusting and I am believing for good things.
The end of an era and a new year is ahead of us.
May we step into it with open arms and receiving hearts.

The birth of Jesus was well orchestrated with many different characters

The birth of Jesus was well orchestrated with many different characters.
Each had a role given to them for the specific purpose with in the story.
Beginning with Mary, and the Angel Gabriel, then Joseph, Elizabeth (and even baby John), and Zechariah.
Then we find, the Shepherds out in the field and more angels greeting them with song and Gabriel again.
Then we find Simeon and Anna in the temple, who had waited many years for this very special moment.
Then we also add in Herod who was an angry man tricking the Wisemen.
Then we add the Wisemen who traveled to see Mary and Joseph.
I think I would also add the donkey; who went with Mary and Joseph and helped with the journey.
Remembering that the donkey brought her to his birth, the donkey also brought him later to his death.
Scripture had to be fulfilled.
Each character had to do their part; not too different than in the story of his death.
Each one played a role, and each one was needed.
There were many others in the verses that I read, but these were the key players who formed the beautiful story.
As we sing, Oh little town of Bethlehem; we visualize ‘our picture’ based on Christmas cards of nativity scenes.
We love to sing silent night, Holy Night, All is calm… all is bright.
But really it wasn’t.
Yes it was a Holy night, but it was dim and probably not well lighted with anything but a lantern.
I love the Song, Sweet little Jesus boy, for it says, “We didn’t know who you were.”
I believe that to be true. No one expected a Savior to come the way HE did.
Even Mary might not have fully understood the baby she gave birth to, was the Holy One.
Too much to take in, too much to think on.
I think a lot about Mary, so young and alone maybe only having Joseph with her.
I think of Joseph with a huge responsibility put upon Him; because God saw that HE could do it and He knew his heart was right.
We hear very little about him after Jesus was born. I wonder so much about him.
I am sure he stayed with Mary and they had other children; but did they ever talk about this
special Holy Birth?
The birth of Jesus was well orchestrated with many different characters.
May we read with a new awareness of all that it took, for this baby to bring Hope to a very dark world.