by Sharon O | Mar 26, 2014 | Uncategorized
I was struggling this week in prayer asking what should be the next word in this series of words.
The first word was courage.
The second word was willingness
The third word was trust
The fourth word was tenderness
It came to me that the fifth word would be power.
Dictionary.com says: it is incapacity, weakness and characteristic of those having authority or influence.
It could be to inspire; spur or sustain as in
a strong faith in a divine goodness powers his life.
But in this instance and for this writing we are not going towards the positive aspects of the word we are exploring the negative.
The power to bring another person down emotionally is very real.
In the recovery process we learn the power and control we lived under was extremely harmful.
When someone has ‘power’ to make you feel something.
They are like the description in the dictionary:
The possession of control or command over others.
controlling ones mind.
Anyone who have ever been in toxic relationships or work places understand this concept.
When I entered into the therapy process I learned that power and control is reason enough to give up or give in and to resign oneself into the ‘truth of what is being told.’
For example: the child who is told they will never amount to anything
usually doesn’t. They begin to believe ‘the untruth’ as reality.
Words have power within them.
They can have the ability to build up a spirit or break it down.
If someone is raised with very negative words eventually that is all they will begin to believe.
In therapy I learned that I was smart, creative, funny and even liked.
Those were very new concepts and thoughts for me as no had ever said those words.
When someone with low self esteem and emotional emptiness tries to fill someone else up they will not be able to build out of what they don’t understand or know.
In therapy I learned I had a hard time believing in compliments.
I doubted them and questioned whether they were talking about me
it was very difficult to take inside my spirit.
As a child there were no words of affirmation spoken to me.
At least none that I remember.
Most of the time I didn’t believe I was capable of ‘writing, or drawing or singing well’ even though I did all three throughout my day.
Realizing now that it is impossible to fill someone when you are not filled yourself.
I place no blame; just say the truth for what it is.
My ability to believe in myself and my value was very low.
When I was asked to write down ‘truths’ about myself in a therapy group.
It was sad and very hard to do.
The power of the negative created a deep depression inside my spirit
and I stayed in that low opinion for years.
In therapy I learned my belief was untrue.
I learned to let go of ‘the negative talk’ and begin to believe
I was capable, smart and able to accomplish something if I really tried hard to use the gifts and abilities that were given to me.
When the heaviness of spirit begin to lift my eyes were opened and I began to see many things in a new way.
I also learned that the power that tore down could be replaced by the power to believe.
When my counselor would say to me, “I have enjoyed our visit today”
my first thought was to push it away.
“He really didn’t mean that, he says that to every one.”
See how I sabotaged my ‘value’?
Recovery from years that were emotionally negative was incredibly hard and even very painful.
At times I still struggle but God is healing me and has healed me layer upon layer.
It has been a journey of truth and deep growth.
The fifth word in this series is power.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
by Sharon O | Mar 23, 2014 | Uncategorized
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday community.
by Sharon O | Mar 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
The first word I shared about from the basket of words was courage.
The second word I shared was willingness.
The third word I shared was trust.
Now today the fourth word I am sharing about is tenderness.
It would seem that this word is chosen out of context when considering the other words.
My reason for this is very important.
Dictionary.com describes this word as:
1. soft, not hard or tough
2. to regard or treat tenderly
3. easily damaged, vulnerable, or sensitive.
4. having or expressing warm and affectionate feelings;
a tender smile
5. kind, merciful or sympathetic; a tender heart
6. requiring care in handling; a tender question
7. painful or sore; a tender wound
8. sensitive to moral or spiritual feelings; a tender conscience
9. careful or protective; tender of ones emotions
10. gentle in mannerism
As I have shared on this journey going into a therapy room was both difficult and necessary for me.
When I chose the ‘counselor’ I was going to work with it was clear to both of us I needed soft reassurance that my direction was both healthy and good for me.
He was a gentle and compassionate man who I learned to trust in the years we worked together.
He was calm and always asked questions that were sensitive and if they were too difficult he gave me time to work on them never forcing or pushing but always challenging me.
After having one ‘misguided’ counselor experience this man was given the difficult task of teaching me to trust, to believe and to return every week with a knowing that he would never ‘purposefully’ do harm to my emotions or to my healing process.
Tenderness is a foreign concept for some or even most people entering into a ‘therapy’ room.
They enter with deep layered baggage or wounds of spirit and tenderness was not the main source of emotion given to them at the time of hurt or pain or even in the general years of growing up.
I remember clearly my surprise when the counselor was gentle and polite and careful of my ’emotional’ and physical state.
Every time he would ask, “how are you?” It would challenge me to answer truthfully for I knew in my heart he cared and wanted to help.
As I begin to process the meanings of the words held inside the basket I am prayerful that this series will challenge you as the reader to think about each word and how it applies to your life.
The fourth word in the group of words is tenderness because we cannot help one another until we learn to be tender, sensitive and protective of one another.
If the man who worked with me was not tender and gentle I would not have returned.
It was like a warm reception to my broken spirit for he knew I would break again or harden too hard
the heart that had been hurt too deeply.
Even Jesus was tender, and sensitive and allowed others to be cared for in the way that would heal them.
He gave them power to kick out the evil spirits and to tenderly care for the bruised and hurt lives.
Matthew 10: 2 (the message)
Let us challenge ourselves to be courageous, willing and trustworthy.
Without tenderness we cannot be effective helpers when working with bruised or hurt lives.
The fourth word is powerful and so simple if we can allow ourselves to be this way.
It is a choice.
by Sharon O | Mar 16, 2014 | Uncategorized
Psalm 78:15
He split the rocks in the wilderness and gave them abundant drink like the ocean depths.
Psalm 42:7
Deep calls to deep at the sound of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have rolled over me.
Psalm 89:8-10
You rule the swelling of the sea; when it’s waves rise you still them.
Psalm 107:29
He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.
He is powerful. He is mighty. He can create tumultuous waves or instant calm.
He is Our mighty God.
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday community.
by Sharon O | Mar 11, 2014 | Uncategorized
The first word I shared from the basket of words was courage.
The second word I shared about was willingness.
Now the third word I am sharing about is trust.
Dictionary.com says: Trust is
Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of a person or thing; confidence. Confident expectation of something; hope.
A person on whom or thing on which one relies; God is my trust.
To believe. Certainty. Faith. Trust. Assurance.
These are all powerful and wonderful definitions of the word trust.
But in the real world of recovery and getting better
trust is one of the most difficult things to grasp.
The concept that one can be trusted or believed in or be assured of, is the most challenging part of the journey ahead of anyone entering this phase of life.
To know in my thought process that someone wants to help me with good motive or intention was a huge issue in the beginning.
When one comes from a difficult background depending on the degree of mistrust in all people.
It can take years to finally realize one person really cares enough to help no matter how long the journey takes for you.
When I entered in to the room of recovery I had to know in my heart and believe in my spirit
that this person was safe and would not hurt or harm me.
The first step was realizing it was a process and it would take time.
For me
a very long time.
Even though the counselor I saw was chosen by his experience and reputation in the field of recovery.
He also was the one who told me trust would be a major part of our work together.
Every time I entered into that room I had to choose to trust as I sat in my favorite chair by the door.
If the process got too uncomfortable I knew I could leave although for many reasons I never did.
I had to learn to trust in the process of allowing another to walk alongside me through the painful layers and feelings that are always a part of remembering.
Recovery is not pain free.
Just like any birthing process of bringing something new into the scene of our lives.
There is a deeply intensive road to walk before any kind of healing can take place and it must be walked slowly and not forced.
I had to trust in the process of sharing my heart hurt and then lean in to the confidence that this person really does have my best interest in mind and they will stay with me till healing takes place.
Question for you:
Is it hard to trust?
to trust God?
to trust in yourself?
to trust others who might want to help you?
to trust the path you must go on in order to become healthy?
Reliance on the integrity of the process is the hardest part of trusting no matter what kind of journey we have before us.
It is not an easy word but oh so necessary in the process of recovery.
The most difficult word in this kind of journey is to trust.
 |
| the first to grasp onto |
then
then
by Sharon O | Mar 9, 2014 | Uncategorized
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday Community
by Sharon O | Mar 7, 2014 | Uncategorized
The five minute challenge today is the word: willing
Write for five minutes and don’t edit it.
Lord I am willing to learn all that you want to teach me.
Help me to open my heart and open my spirit to the lessons you bring my way.
You know me best.
You have set me in this place in time and this direction is guided by you.
May my fears and apprehensions not cloud your will for me.
I stand feeling unqualified. Challenged. Untrained at times.
My writing is from my heart not necessarily from the editing point of view.
You have brought me this far and you will continue to guide this journey.
Help me to be a willing partner in this adventure and help me also to not doubt your good and kind motives.
I know all that you are doing within me is to stir awake the words and the stories and the chapters yet to be shared.
Thank you for being so patient.
Your love is a gift.
http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/
by Sharon O | Mar 5, 2014 | Uncategorized
The first word I shared about was courage.
The next one on the list is: willingness.
Dictionary.com said the definition is:
Willingness: Cheerfully consenting or ready.
Inclined, minded, freely or voluntary.
What I have learned in the process of therapy and recovery.
In the beginning we do not enter into it… cheerfully.
Usually we go because we have the realization in our heart that life is not peaceful inside our ‘spirits’ and we realize something must change so we can heal.
Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.
Robert Anthony
It takes courage to volunteer oneself into a therapy room and open your deepest wounds up to someone you just met and then begin to trust them.
It is about consenting and giving permission.
It is a knowing deep within yourself that this must take place in order for healing to begin.
What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life. Leo Buscaglia
Life in a new scene or setting.
Creating for us change because we are desiring something different.
We are giving permission to another person to ask questions and probe into our ‘darkest places’
in order for us to find healing and health.
I’ve never found therapy to be a sign of weakness, I found the opposite to be true.
The willingness to have a mirror held up to you definitely requires strength. Brooke Shields.
And strength and courage and willingness are all a part of therapy and recovery.
We incline ourselves to the knowing that this is very needed right now and we will not be the same when we are through with this process.
by Sharon O | Mar 2, 2014 | Uncategorized
We gain Strength and courage,
and confidence
by each experience in which
we really stop to look fear in the face…
we must do that which
we think we cannot.
Eleanor Roosevelt
We are stronger than we think we are… believe in yourself today.
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday community
((Oregon beach photo by Melissa))
by Sharon O | Feb 25, 2014 | Uncategorized
The first word:
Courage is not the absence of fear but it’s taking action in the midst of it.
Dictionary.com says: Courage is:
The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, without fear. bravery.
to take ones courage in both hands to nerve oneself to perform an action.
Courage is an action word.
When I first began my journey into recovery I didn’t know what to expect and was not sure who to see or how to navigate through the unknowns.
There came a point in time when the realization came to me if I didn’t do something, nothing would take place and nothing would change the way I was feeling.
So I began to ask questions.
I searched and interviewed well known counselors.
To admit to yourself or anyone else that one needs counseling takes courage.
A lot of it.
Emotionally I knew and was convinced something had to be done.
The journey of healing with a lady counselor began the day she asked me, “why are you in here today?”
That is when you find courage and truth deep within yourself before you answer.
As time moves on you become more brave in finding your voice and
you become stronger each time you go in to talk.
“You gain strength, courage and confidence
by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror.
I can take the next thing that comes along.’
Eleanor Roosevelt
Courage is not an easy word but
when we finally become real with ourselves we find healing.
Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
“I will try again tomorrow.”
And each time I tried and took action to heal
the tomorrows became easier and the pain lessened.
Becoming real with ourselves is a huge part of having courage.
