A question that has been brewing for a season now.
In my mind and in my heart.
Many of us who are in the sandwich generation between grand children and senior parents are torn between the care of both.
Senior parents add a dimension of life we are not yet familiar with.
We struggle with what was years ago and what is right now.
Memories dim and parents don’t often remember the child they once loved and cared for.
Memories dim and parents don’t often see or are not aware of the depth of care the child is giving to them now in their aged years.
For some of us it is hard to see the parent who was once strong and able become frail and unable.
What do we do in these situations and how are we supposed to feel?
Sometimes it would seem right to feel ‘resentment’ or ‘guilt’ depending on which side the care taking we are sitting on.
Why is it when we are almost retired and anxiously waiting to do something fun for ourselves finally. We become strapped into a care giving role again.
That is they way life is I guess.
When we are young parents we care for our children and we give up our ‘fun days’ for the sake of their needs.
When we are mid parent ages with teenagers we can leave and often do but not without worry or concern and strings attached to rules given and strictly enforced.
When we are mid aged caregivers we reach beyond our days and care for the senior parents who no longer can care for themselves.
Even if they live in assisted living homes they still need monitored and watched and observed and listened to and helped throughout a long day.
The path between ability and disability is shortened often by a diagnosis of cancer or dementia or age related diseases.
For a season now I have often wondered how it feels to be the child caring for a parent when the roles reverse themselves.
I watch my sister feed our mother and noticed how comical yet so sad it was as age and it’s issues bring change for both of them.
I watch my husband and his dad who is 90 and the way the son makes sure the fathers coat is buttoned or the hat is on correctly to warm a balding head.
It is all about caring and giving and role reversals and change.
The parent with little children is not free to do what they want anytime they want and the child with aging parents isn’t all that different either.
A free day does not mean the phone won’t ring and a fall doesn’t happen or a new need arises.
Time is not always kind to us and one day the reality of their passing will be here.
That day will come with mixed emotions when it ends for all of us.
Freedom doesn’t happen without a cost.
We give of ourselves.
We go out of our way and we give up some things because it is the right thing to do.
Never knowing when the role will end.
Never knowing when the phone call will happen to say it is over for them and for us.
Then it seems not too long after that as the years move forward the role reversal will begin again and we will become the senior parent and our children will become the caretakers giving up their time so that we can be comfortable and loved.
When the roles reverse themselves the only thing we can do is remember life is fragile and soon all we will have is memories.
I am not sure where this originally came from but it is powerful and needs to be shared.
We all have the capacity within us to rescue someone’s heart with a hug or a slight touch or a smile.
We all have the capacity to look beyond ourselves for a moment.
I love this picture because it is beautiful and because our daughter had twins. Let us not forget to embrace those whom we love.
joining Deidra on jumping tandem with the sunday community.
The buzz of the alarm rudely awakens me from warm slumber wrapped within flannel sheets.
I stretch and wake and want to sleep more as my body moves towards a hot shower.
The steam wakes my spirit and senses and alerts my brain that this is morning.
I fumble through folded jeans and hanging shirts for the right comfort wear and the hair dryer warms me as the day begins.
Quiet follows me as I make my way downstairs.
It is peaceful and dark and silent.
The world is not awake.
Rumbling noises comes from the coffee pot and my smudge cat lets me know her dish needs attention.
Within this quiet thoughts roam around and present themselves.
They throw words at me demanding paper and pen and time for expression.
This quiet is necessary.
The only disturbance is the hum of the refrigerator and a car or two outside.
It is quiet as I wait for a little one to arrive and a new day to begin.
The darkness and the waiting is good.
I am learning to love the quiet.
Throughout my day it follows me.
No television or radio can teach me what quiet teaches.
It is in the stillness we find peace within ourselves.
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.
Isaiah 32:18
My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwelling, and in quiet resting places. I am learning to love the quiet.
This is so wonderful… I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Gloria…
mine eyes have seen the glory of the Lord.
He stands above the rulers of this world.
He is a glorious Lord.
And worthy of our praise.
The blog world or rather those who spend hours writing within a blog setting have created a movement called ‘one word’ for the year.
Each year they choose one word that will represent the meaning or the symbolism of the year ahead of them.
Last year my word was Intentional.
I like that word because to be intentional means I have to be focused and attentive and real.
Real in relationships.
Real in life and it’s processes.
Real within myself.
Learning to be intentional in all aspects of my life was a very good discipline.
The year before that I believe my word was gratitude.
To learn to be grateful in all things both good and bad.
Following the lead of Ann Voskamp and her One thousand Gifts book.
This year I am praying and listening and waiting for the word to settle in and around me.
There are many choices to choose from and many that would have great meaning
but I do believe there is one that will stand out as it comes into my heart and spirit.
Why is it important to have a word? I think it brings more meaning and significance to the new year.
It is not just a new year ahead of us.
It becomes a year to begin again with a focus.
I have goals for this year.
They are all attainable goals for organizing and freeing up space and just focusing on less mess and more structure.
I can do them with intention and through prayer and determination.
The key is ‘I have to do it’ myself.
Empowerment comes when we take action for change within ourselves.
To become empowered we have to begin with the first step.
It is a challenge.
Sometimes we find a word and then life throws us a curve and we have to work hard to get back on track and focus on what we were doing.
It teaches us resilience and flexibility as we adapt to the lessons learned.
Are you ready for the challenge?
A new year is ahead of us.
Two thousand and thirteen ~ 2013 ~
January
a time of new beginnings
of resolutions to be set
of new goals to try to achieve or
new motto’s to live by.
How do we begin again on a fresh clean calendar?
How do we choose a new direction?
It is always a challenge to begin again.
To look at what we didn’t get done last year and then decide if we should move that goal into a new one.
Do we press forward or choose to give up?
Do we place unrealistic goals for ourselves or are we real and honest in those goals?
I heard someone say on a news station the other night,
“Instead of saying I am going to lose 100 pounds we need to start small and attain a reasonable goal such as 10 pounds then move to the next 10.”
I would add to that a few more:
“Instead of saying I want to run a marathon we need to start small and walk or run consistently every day.”
“Instead of saying I want to write a book start small and write daily.”
What works best for me is to move in increments or what I call small chunks.
Personally I get overwhelmed if a task takes me too long.
If I can master small chunks I feel better and more accomplished.
When I work on a project my energy leaves on the third day.
I have to work on it hard and then stop and step away from it.
A new year is ahead of us.
What we do with it is a question we need to answer or explore.
Let’s not wait for the answer from within
let’s just begin.
One step at a time.
One goal at a time.
Then see what we can accomplish.
Can you even imagine for one minute being in the role of Mary and Joseph?
In the middle of a barn or shed for animals looking at the precious child both of you were chosen to take care of and be parents too for the rest of his life?
Not too different than the rest of us when we bring home a tiny infant. Only theirs was the son… the only SON… the precious son of God. They had a Divine appointment to fulfill and be a part of can you even imagine the magnitude of feelings between fear and joy as they held this precious one? Just a question for us all to think about.
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem with the Sunday Community.
The wise men were a different kind of people.
They were distinguished in category and they also were considered as magi.
The word tells us they came from the east to see the newborn baby of Mary and Joseph.
It took them a long time to arrive. We often see the images of the wise men at the stable.
That isn’t so. They didn’t really arrive till the baby was almost a year old.
There were many months of travel time till they came to the right ‘place’ of worship following the leading of the stars in the sky.
When they did arrive they brought the most unusual gifts for the baby.
These gifts were ordinary for a king but not for a little baby.
One was gold suggesting royalty.
One was frankincense suggesting prayer and worship.
One was myrrh suggesting suffering and death.
Wouldn’t that be strange gifts for a new baby?
Not if prophecy was surrounding the birth of this special little child.
These gifts were appropriate for the role Jesus would play later.
I am sure Mary knew enough about these gifts to continually ponder all that she had seen and observed about her new baby.
Royal gifts for her ‘special’ son would bring deeper meaning to her heart.
The wise men came to see and bow down to him ‘who was born’ in Bethlehem.
The wise men brought gifts to the chosen one.
You wonder what they felt like after all that journey.
When they looked upon his sweet face and presented all they had to offer him.
The significance of the moment was huge.
You wonder what the wisemen were thinking when they finally arrived.
Matthew 2:9-10 Instructed by the king (Herod), they set off. Then the star appeared again, the same star they had seen in the eastern skies. It led them on until it hovered over the place of the child. They could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time!
11 They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh.
Another one who was chosen above many others was Mary.
Chosen to play a very important part in the story.
Chosen to mature as a young teenage girl and trust in all she was told.
I believe God knew her heart was right.
I believe God knew she was the one who was to be the mother.
Can you even imagine?
Mary knew some of the story but she had no clue it would be include her.
She accepted the journey ahead of her.
The word tells us she ‘pondered it all’ into her heart.
She kept it close.
She knew HE was special just as she was.
We never know how much our hearts would break when asked to do
something God could ask.
She grew in love as she accepted and grew in heart ache as she saw.
Our pastor said: it began in an empty womb and ended in an empty tomb.
Oh to be chosen.
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One Word 2018 Simplify/2019 Simplify/2020 Rest, 2021/Comfort
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Philipians 4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. ==================== Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Courage is not the absence of fear but it's taking action in the midst of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
It's your heart, not the dictionary that gives meaning to your words. Matthew 12:34 (msg) version.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Below you will find a few of my favorite websites or blogs. They have given me encouragement and challenged me on this journey.
Ann Voskamp's blog A holy Experience This image of a bleeding heart represents a journey of healing from brokenness to wholeness. Some of my favorite books: One thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
Married over 46 years and entered into my 65th year of life.
I am a mother of two and grandmother of six and mom to two very spoiled kitties. I love to worship and encourage and of course write whenever I can find a topic or subject to share about.
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Thank you for visiting my blog.
I hope you find it encouraging and that it gives you
'Something to think about'. The vision for this is to challenge the reader into a new and different way of thinking. I appreciate and always value your comments. Having others walk alongside and join in the sharing is part of the process.
Thank you for joining me... on this journey. As we get encouraged ~ Lord help us to encourage others. "And the day came when the risk to remain a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin my blog button The crosses are found on a beach at Winema Christian Camp on the Oregon coast.. a place to relax and find God in the process. My favorite place ....to rest and restore my spirit.
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