Select Page

Happy Birthday

Over nine years ago my daughter called me at work and said.
“Mom are you sitting down?”

I remember asking her why I should be and
she told me she was expecting not one but two babies. 
I could not believe it.

Our miracle babies were born the day before Valentines day 2004. 
Two little hearts beating together.
Two little identical girls one weighed 4.6 and the other weighed 4.10 both 18 inches long.
Hannah got to stay in the room with mommy while Alexis had to spend some time in the neonatal room.
Our angel babies
At their baby shower
sleeping at the baby shower
One year old

They have been totally fun to watch.
I remember the day at our house they hugged and hugged each other and said to me,
“grandma we are likey’s”. Yes little ones you will always be… likeys’.
Today they are nine.
Happy birthday little likey girls.
You are a joy to be around.
I remember we were talking on Sunday when I gave them their birthday presents.
The topic was about college and Hannah said,
“when I go to college I am not going to room with her. All my life I have spent with her and I need a change.”
I just laughed and laughed. All your life… A whole nine years.
It has been a comedy over and over to see the two of them play and grow.
We love them and we are so blessed to have our miracle babies.
Happy Birthday Hannah and Alexis praying  your day is wonderful.

Reminding me

An old Oak tree in the snow on a Christmas tree farm in Oregon.
Reminding me of the parched places in our heart
when the coldness of our soul sometimes stays near to us too long.
Then slowly and steadily like this tree in the spring
new life comes to the surface and the
leaves abound in beauty and the
glory of the magnificent tree is evident to all who look and see.
Lord give us strength to know that sometimes the barren feelings are not always
going to stay ~
help us to be patient and wait with joy
for the newness of spring to arrive so we can smile again.
joining Deidra on jumping tandem with the Sunday community.
(photo by Sarah B of Oregon)

A prayer to think about

Philippians 1: 9-11 So this is my prayer:
that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well.
Learn to love appropriately.
You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush.
Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
When I read this passage this morning it ministered to me on many levels. The first one was in the first line.

So this is my prayer.
How many times in our lives have we shared the prayers of our hearts to one another?
Isn’t it hard to do? It is a vulnerable place to pray when another is listening or reading what we say. 
He said “this is my prayer” meaning he wanted to share to them because it was important. 
Then he continued to encourage the reader. 
That your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well
Isn’t that a wonderful encouraging line to those he cared for?
Then he continues.
Learn to love appropriately. That is a strong line. I looked up the word appropriately and the meaning is this: suitable for a particular purpose, person, occasion. belonging to a person. to set aside for some specific purpose. So he is encouraging them to be careful and cautious.
Then he continues.
You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. 
Wow that is very direct and to the point reminding me of high school days when we ‘felt’ we were in love with the one simply because they gave us a love note or a special gift. The admonition to use  your head is what every parent has said at least once in their lifetime.
Then he continues.
Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary: which means careful, watchful, discreet, prudent, vigilant and guarded. Also it means: worthy of imitation.commendable.serving as an illustration or model. serving as a warning.laudable.noteworthy and praiseworthy.
A life JESUS would be proud of 
bountiful in fruit from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
Take a deep breath.
When we read it again with the meaning inside it 
the verse is powerful and convicting and certainly does give us 
‘something to think about’.

A legacy

We went to a memorial service a week ago.
As I was sitting there listening to the friends talk about the one who passed away
it made me think of my ‘life’.
If I died suddenly what would others say about me.
What unfinished work would I have left.
What would my life’s statement leave behind.
The legacy that I have tried to pursue is good and honorable
but would the real value of it speak
to the ones who would be sitting at my service?
I wonder
what others would say.
I wonder
did I make enough impact.
I wonder
how can I change the vision or direction right now.
Just in case.
None of us knows if we have tomorrow.
The one who passed away most likely didn’t know although they said he might have known.
He had his bible open.
(very similar to the story of my husbands brother who left too soon).
I wonder
how that would feel to anticipate the passing of time.
Part of the reason I have a word of the year is
so that I can center in and become quiet.
It is necessary in order to do things differently.
As I have been sitting and pondering
thinking and praying
a song came to me.
A song I dedicated to my husbands mother several years ago after she passed from our lives.
Perhaps it means a lot to me too.
Perhaps it would be a part of my legacy should I ever leave early.
Just wanting to share a few things I am thinking about today.

If we choose

God’s light

God’s light…
and wonderful beauty is all around us.

If we choose

If we choose…  
to see and observe and pay attention.
Remember… 
We are SO blessed.

Joining Deidra on jumping tandem with the Sunday community.
(photo one by Margo of Yamhill, Or)
(photo two by Rosi of Dundee, Or)

The lesson

My new word of the year has brought a challenge to me already.
Not expecting it.
I settled into the word ‘Quiet‘… believing it would teach me a great lesson.
Then my computer went down.
I said in a calm voice to myself, “This is not what I expected”.
It is not hard for me to turn the television off or the radio and sit in our home in silence.
It is peaceful to not have noise.
The challenge was adjusting to no computer which in turn meant no writing which in turn meant no interaction with others or online communication.
It was hard.
Did I say it was hard? yes …
I did what I could to remain patient and listen to the message of waiting and being still and finding new things to do with my time.
Exercise was a first start. I began to do that slowly.
Cleaning was another start.
The den was a disaster and in order for a computer repairman to come into our ‘home’ the room had to be straightened up and put into order.
I wondered as I was cleaning if I do that with the Lord.
“I will spend time when my heart is right then you can see me in my ‘best’.”
As if he doesn’t already sees the condition of our brokenness?
The word of the year has brought me a first test.
Quiet can mean many things.
As the year continues I will remain in a quiet mode and continue
to be still and know that HE is God.

The lesson is to listen… within the stillness for the message
then allow the message to teach us what our heart needs.

Word for the year

 
I have been praying.
Waiting and listening.
The word that has come to me over and over
seems to be
the word I am settling on.
It ministers to my spirit and my heart.

   

My people will abide in peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings,
and in quiet resting places.
Isaiah 32:18
~~~~
but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable jewel of
a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
1 Peter 3:4
~~~~~ 
 God, my shepherd!

I don’t need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

Psalm 23:1 msg
~~~~
I’ve kept my feet on the ground,
I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,
my soul is a baby content.
Psalm 131:2 msg
~~~~
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment.
Never be without it.
Colossians 3:12 msg
 

Sisters

Sisters ~
Visiting parents who are aging and needing help.
We support each other.
Our tears represent words unspoken between us saying,
“I understand. It is sad”
Our journey is not over.
It is actually in the middle phase of decision making and choices.
Mother is 81 and dad is almost 86.
Both in ill health.
One remembers. One does not.
Neither one of them very strong.
Our journey is not over till we say good bye to them.
Sisters ~ supporting each other in ways only sisters can.
Till the time comes for us to walk another road ‘as sisters’
as a new journey will begin for us.

Joining Diedra on jumping tandem with the Sunday community.

When the roles reverse themselves

A question that has been brewing for a season now.
In my mind and in my heart.
Many of us who are in the sandwich generation between grand children and senior parents are torn between the care of both.
Senior parents add a dimension of life we are not yet familiar with.
We struggle with what was years ago and what is right now.
Memories dim and parents don’t often remember the child they once loved and cared for.
Memories dim and parents don’t often see or are not aware of the depth of care the child is giving to them now in their aged years.
For some of us it is hard to see the parent who was once strong and able become frail and unable.
What do we do in these situations and how are we supposed to feel?
Sometimes it would seem right to feel ‘resentment’ or ‘guilt’ depending on which side the care taking we are sitting on.
Why is it when we are almost retired and anxiously waiting to do something fun for ourselves finally. We become strapped into a care giving role again.
That is they way life is I guess.
When we are young parents we care for our children and we give up our ‘fun days’ for the sake of their needs.
When we are mid parent ages with teenagers we can leave and often do but not without worry or concern and strings attached to rules given and strictly enforced.
When we are mid aged caregivers we reach beyond our days and care for the senior parents who no longer can care for themselves.
Even if they live in assisted living homes they still need monitored and watched and observed and listened to and helped throughout a long day.
The path between ability and disability is shortened often by a diagnosis of cancer or dementia or age related diseases.
For a season now I have often wondered how it feels to be the child caring for a parent when the roles reverse themselves.
I watch my sister feed our mother and noticed how comical yet so sad it was as age and it’s issues bring change for both of them.
I watch my husband and his dad who is 90 and the way the son makes sure the fathers coat is buttoned or the hat is on correctly to warm a balding head.
It is all about caring and giving and role reversals and change.
The parent with little children is not free to do what they want anytime they want and the child with aging parents isn’t all that different either.
A free day does not mean the phone won’t ring and a fall doesn’t happen or a new need arises.
Time is not always kind to us and one day the reality of their passing will be here.
That day will come with mixed emotions when it ends for all of us.
Freedom doesn’t happen without a cost.
We give of ourselves.
We go out of our way and we give up some things because it is the right thing to do.
Never knowing when the role will end.
Never knowing when the phone call will happen to say it is over for them and for us.
Then it seems not too long after that as the years move forward the role reversal will begin again and we will become the senior parent and our children will become the caretakers giving up their time so that we can be comfortable and loved.
When the roles reverse themselves the only thing we can do is remember life is fragile and soon all we will have is memories.