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Faith is

by | Sep 9, 2013 | Uncategorized

 
I so often don’t understand life at times.
I trust in a God who walks beside me and I also trust in a God who loves me
deeply and without question.
I trust in His character because the word of God is true and believable.
He has remained faithful as the stories of old tells us over and over.
This I believe:
He allows hard times in our lives to give us opportunity to grow
to press on and to stretch and
to prove to ourselves that we can do it.
He allows life’s consequences to give us the answer no at times
so we can in turn trust him
deeper and with much more intensity.
He allows circumstances to challenge our inner character and strength
so we can have confidence and empowerment in ourselves.
Nothing we do or nothing that happens is by accident.
Yes at times we make bad mistakes because we didn’t think.
He allows that.
Just like a parent will allow a child to fall knowing full well that
we will be there to help them up
if they allow us.
God is just like that.
He is there waiting for us and He is reaching down to help us.
But we do have to ask.
Deliberate means:
carefully weighed or considered. careful or slow in deciding.
slow and unhurried movement.
to think carefully or attentively or consult formally.
Notice how many times it says ‘careful?’.
I often don’t understand all that takes place in our lives
but one thing I do know
God does not make errors.
He is always looking out for our best interest
even when we don’t understand or like the consequences sometimes.
Faith is trusting and having confidence in God
because we know His character.

Find Rest ~ Psalm 62:5

by | Sep 7, 2013 | Uncategorized

My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.
My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him;
for my hope and expectation are from Him.
I must calm down and turn to God; He is my only hope.
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
Patiently wait for God alone, my soul!
For He is the one who gives me confidence.
I find rest in God; only He gives me hope.

Silence
A quiet gentle place.
Stillness and peaceful.
Anticipation of rest and slowing down for my soul.
It doesn’t matter what version I read of this verse 
the same promise is repeated over and over for me.
I have great assurance that I am not alone.
{do not know whose picture this is I found it on pinterest and it spoke to my heart so deeply I wanted to share it. If it belongs to anyone reading this I hope I have permission to use it.}

Remembering some moments

by | Sep 7, 2013 | Uncategorized

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.
I remember how she used to sit at the top of the stairs and meow loudly looking for me.
I would say ‘Smudgie’ and head up stairs and she would run to the computer chair and wait for me.
It is very empty without her presence.
There is something about a purring warm fuzzy body next to me
as I write.
She would nudge me… and want to be petted.
She liked her treats. Just because. I didn’t worry about her weight.
The couch was a favorite place for her to sit and rest.
She loved to be right where we were sitting.
When we moved the couch out she stayed upstairs most of the time.
I missed her way before she was even gone.
My little one said to me “Smudge is in kitty heaven and she will be alright and happy.”
Yes she will be.
I am just remembering those sweet times.
Sixteen years is a long time and I wasn’t really ready to say goodbye but I did know we had no choice.
It was the right thing to do.
It doesn’t make it any easier especially when I am
remembering some moments at the end of the week.

Saying good bye is never easy

by | Sep 4, 2013 | Uncategorized

Today I said good bye to my buddy.
She was my computer chair warmer.
I had to sit next to her as she wouldn’t really move if it was time for me to write.
We would share the chair.
She would purr and purr and then put her paw on my leg wanting to be petted.
She would lay her head against my ribs and just sit… with me.
She would be so patient… until it was time for me leave then she could stretch out and take the full warm chair for her sleep.
Her name was Smudge. A tortoise shell calico and her age was 16. 1997-2013
She weighed 10 pounds 6 oz today. A small old lady.
She was very loved and will be deeply missed.
When I couldn’t find her I would look on the computer chair, or the dining room chair or when we had a couch she would be on the corner of the top of the couch.
She was never outside.
Years ago I worked at an aviation company and one of the ladies there had a new batch of kittens.
I told my husband about them and about the picture she showed me.
He sort of ignored me.
I already had a large black kitty who was about age one at the time and two dogs.
He just didn’t think I would bring another one in the home.
SO he said, “you don’t need another cat”.
Really? She came home with me the next day.
She was the size of a tea cup and when he held her in his lap.
He named her Smudge.
She was as I have always said ‘MY perfect child.’
She never did anything wrong. Even in her senior years she would sometimes get sick on the floor but nothing overly terrible.
The vet said she had congestive heart failure and maybe a tumor and there was nothing he could recommend for her other than to let her pass away in peace.
He said no antibiotics would work as she was very sick.
So they gave her a calming shot and she quickly laid down on the table.
I petted her and he gave her the  last ‘sleeping shot’.
It was peaceful. Incredibly hard. I petted her and cried.
I knew I had to say goodbye. Touching her for the last time.
She is peaceful now.
The house is quiet. I am deeply saddened.
It is a deep loss for me.
Good bye miss Smudge may you always know we loved you.

If someone would have

by | Aug 28, 2013 | Uncategorized

If someone would have told me my heart would expand
to love more than my two children
I am not sure I would have believed them

But when those two children had three children of their own
my heart was filled to over flowing love and joy and wonderment and adoration and praise.

We started our life as grandparents with one
then one became three
then three became six and
now we are so incredibly blessed to know and love each one of them.
Each are different. Each are individual. Each are unique.
Even the twins are very different from each other.

If someone would have told us that having each one of these  precious little people would add to our family in ways that we could ever imagine.
Would I have believed them?

Would I have believed them if they told me my daughter would have three daughters
and two would be identical twins?
OR my son would have three sons?

If someone would have told me that being a grandparent is the most precious, most rewarding, most exhausting, most challenging and the most reason to pray.
Would I have believed them?

I wonder

by | Aug 20, 2013 | Uncategorized

I went to visit my parents this weekend.
Dad is stable but definitely not well.
Mom is reviving a bit.
It is strange and sad and surreal to see your parents old and needing care.
I often wonder
what will happen to me when I am that age.
Will there be foster homes who are good and take good care of seniors.
They say the new 60 is 40 and will we get younger as we age and eventually be
out of our minds before our bodies leave?
Or out of our bodies before our minds leave?
Which is worse?
To know… your legs don’t work…
Your hands don’t work.
Your ability to feed yourself is gone or even go to the restroom alone is gone.
Which is worse?
To have your mind able and your body not so strong?
Or your body able and your mind not remembering what should be?
Growing old is hard.
It is painful.
It is a walk of quiet words and gentle reminders from those who do the caring.
It is a giving when you want to not give any more.
From the care givers…
It is anger not shared… or sometimes shared when it shouldn’t be.
It is a gentle reminder that we all need compassion and caring and
patience and kindness.
When our real feelings are to scream and say, “do you not hear me?”
It is a gentle reminder for us.
That we all will be in this place someday.
And when we get there we can only hope and only pray that someone
will care enough
to speak for us when we are not able to speak for ourselves.
That there will be someone stronger in mind and spirit than our ‘situation’ and who will not be afraid to say
this is not working.
This needs to change.
I wonder… when the time comes will someone have a voice when I don’t?
It is a reasonable question.

Jesus said to them

by | Aug 11, 2013 | Uncategorized

At about the same time Jesus left the house and sat on the beach.
In no time at all a crowd gathered along the shoreline, forcing him to get into a boat.
Using the boat as a pulpit, he addressed his congregation, telling stories. 
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday Community.

Lonely

by | Aug 9, 2013 | Uncategorized

The word for this Friday’s five minute challenge is Lonely.
You write for five minutes with no editing and no revisions.
As I walked into the lobby I noticed the men and women just sitting.
Some were in a chair or love seat waiting… as if in anticipation
of a visitor coming.
There were others who leaned around a piano played by wrinkled hands 
and memories that are blurred of songs and of notes that were easy so long ago.
The keys playing 
some in tune and some not. 
In a loud force as if to say by golly ‘I am here and I can do it again’.
If I stop and look at the faces I see a desperate loneliness.
It is an empty space.
Where hollowed eyes and empty souls sit and wait.
We are uncomfortable when we think of what they are waiting for.
The home is not filled often unless those from the outside choose to come inside
to visit.
I see this in a care home where my sister lives. 
I also see it the care home where my parents live.
We will all face this kind of loneliness someday 
where months and days run together 
and doctor appointments will tell us when it’s time to go out of the doors.
It is a different kind of loneliness.
A heart and soul kind.
Where aging souls sit in reclined chairs and stare at televisions
set on one channel.
Lonely.
It is a quiet and hard place to deal with.
Even when we are together we can feel the lonely. 

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