by Sharon O | Aug 14, 2010 | Uncategorized
Continuing from my last writing…
The serenity prayer had an original writing that was more detailed than the short version.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen
Then there was another FULL original copy of the Serenity Prayer
by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with you forever in the next.
Amen.
The other edited version:
O God and Heavenly Father,
Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; the courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
Reinhold Niebuhr’s daughter, Elisabeth Sifton, wrote a book about her father’s famous serenity prayer entitled, The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War.
The prayer has been printed on small cards and given out to soldiers on the battle field and also in alcoholics anonymous groups.
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I think we all can say this prayer as we deal with life’s many difficulties.
Many times there are things we cannot change, people we cannot change or circumstances we have no control over.
Through that process we are asking…Lord God…
give us wisdom…
as we realize and accept what can be changed and what cannot.
Help us to ‘let go’ as we know the difference…
and be at peace with it.
by Sharon O | Aug 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
Yesterday …
I attended a care conference for Mary.
It is not too different than a ‘parent teacher’ meeting when your children are in school. Only the ‘child’ I was receiving a report on is my sister who is 57 and living in an assisted living home.
She is doing well the report said and she is following all the rules. She has aged a lot I see it in her face and in her countenance. She is not the youthful sister I once knew. Her facial features are different and her eyes lack the spark I once knew and have been familiar with. The face without makeup shows wrinkles and scars and she looks much older than her age.
I grieve the old Mary.
She was fun and funny and deep and light hearted and when we shared matters of our hearts it was sweet and real.
She was also a deeply rooted alcoholic. So the funny person who I remember came out of the ‘bottle’… and now that she is no longer there in the same ‘atmosphere’ she is different.
Because I am her power of attorney it places me into a parental role.
I pay her bills and go to all doctor appointments and attend all legal meetings that have to do with her ongoing care. I take her shopping and do other errands and I am her younger sister.
I have been ‘her voice’ for many years and I am noticing now she has one of her own and can say what she wants.
There was a time she could not.
I remind her often in a joking way about when we saved her life.
She doesn’t remember most of it the story is written back in February of this year on this blog site. She doesn’t remember grieving for her husband and she doesn’t remember our grieving for her.
When I see her and look deep into her eyes … I see a ‘person’ wanting a different life and not really being able to find it. My visits with her are not as often as they should be and it is always ‘after the fact’ that my husband and I realize how we should have invited her to go with us to the beach or other family activities.
When her husband died unexpectedly she became a widow and it
changed her life forever and the life they had together ended.
She is alone except for her two daughters who often don’t agree with me on her ‘needed ongoing care.’ For as long as I remember I have been her advocate fighting for her to be safe and in the family and around the family.
When she lived in Arkansas ‘we’ were the ones who brought her home to Oregon.
When she was dying I was the one who insisted the doctor assign her to hospice.
My intention was always to keep her in the family loop and in the family concerns.
Yesterday I attended a care conference. Letting me know that others besides myself care for her and care for her well being. It was a nice meeting and I know there will be many more.
It is a story of sisters who are growing old together and as I see her change and become more healthy and able to take care of herself it shows me how she might not always live in this facility.
Lord God please give me strength in this process of letting go and taking charge as this prayer reminds me:
God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can and
The wisdom to know the difference.
by Sharon O | Aug 10, 2010 | Uncategorized
I sit in the quiet
and I stare at this blank writing page…
this space that normally would voice my thoughts and prayers.
I am numb… and I am feeling…
all at the same time.
I am empty… yet very full…
My stomach in knots throughout the day as
feelings that are foreign to me…
rise to the surface like a dormant volcano
ready to blow its hot and fiery fury.
Sadness has walked with me and also fatigue
my spirit beaten down.
Like David in the psalms…
I wait for the Lord to remove the heaviness that shrouds my heart.
Grief has placed a cover over me like a blanket on a cold day.
There is hope
around the corner but I can’t see it today or feel it…
There is healing too…
but today all I see or feel or react to
is the desire to retreat and rest and reflect on
what I know to be true.
That God will not give me anything I cannot deal with
and if I feel I cannot… HE will give me the strength I need if I ask.
by Sharon O | Aug 7, 2010 | Uncategorized
Along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth…
Isaiah 42:16
Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk.
Psalm 25:4
From the book Whispers of Faith:
When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.
————————
When we walk with God so many times we have the the opportunity to step off into the darkness and trust.
Through those times when:
Prayers remain unanswered and left hanging into thick heavy space
When:
The phone call that is so anticipated never happens day after day
When:
The mail person never brings the letter we so much want to read
When:
Our Loved one dies in the midst of our deep and earnest cries of prayer for healing
There are paths we all must walk and often we come to an edge
where the question of trust is really the the most important question we can ask ourselves.
Do I … Do we… trust God so much that through our blindness… we see hope given.
Do we dare to ask him for Faith so firm that when we find ourselves on unknown paths and rough places we can trust Him.
We can trust Him to lead us.
When we come to an edge… and feel afraid…
we must take a risk.
To trust… or not…
To take that step of obedience or of faith…
or not.
To believe that GOD is who He is and He is providing a path for our journey and to trust that HE is our solid rescuer.
We are like blind people searching for someone to lead and guide us through the step of obedience.
Even if it is baby steps. Tiny steps toward a new destination… into a new life.
As we walk this path and move from darkness to light may we be ever so thankful that HE is a mighty guide for us always as we choose to move closer to Him and trust in the process He is taking us through.
by Sharon O | Aug 3, 2010 | Uncategorized
I finally figured out part of the reason I was ‘sad’ on Sunday and overly emotional.
Not only were we talking about marriage and relationships and commitments at church.
We realized that Saturday the 31st would have been mom and dad O’s 61st wedding anniversary.
She left us on May 8th 2010.
She fought the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in a strong and determined way.
She had surgery and did chemo and did everything the doctor said to prevent the cancer from getting worse. Her weight loss confirmed it did eventually become worse.
The battle was raging between the reality of the disease and her desire for hope and healing she never really did give up till the very last when she told the doctor, “well I guess if the chemo isn’t working then I don’t have a choice but to wait.”
Their story is a love story.
I have written about it before back in April and a little bit of May.
They met and three weeks later they married and in 60 plus years they made a family and a life together. They has 5 boys and one girl and when she died there were many grandchildren, great grandchildren and one great-great coming soon.
They were a simple married couple who loved each other to the end.
It was a love story between Mom and dad O and I learned a lot by watching them.
I didn’t always understand their ‘family’ or the devotion they all had for mom and dad or for each other.
That would come to me later.
Dad O is almost 88 now and dealing with her loss on a daily basis.
He is sad~He is changed~He is aging.
His life changed when her illness got worse. The day she let go and left us to be with Jesus~dad’s life became different.
He lives with his daughter now. He is adjusting the same way we are all adjusting.
It was a love story of how two people grew in love.
It was a love story of richer and poorer and better and worse.
Till death parted them…It their love story…A story of love… family… acceptance and forgiveness.
It was a story of a mom and a grandma who is deeply missed.
A story to be remembered and stored deeply in our hearts that their example will be valuable to us for this generation and others to come.
It is a story of faith and family and a mom who was determined to share her Lord with everyone who would listen.
We miss you mom…
someday we will be with you again…
and you will hug us into the heavenly place and say,
“welcome home I have been waiting for you.”
by Sharon O | Aug 2, 2010 | Uncategorized
Today I was full of emotions….
I didn’t sleep well last night.
One of those nights when you are asleep yet ‘half awake.’
When you toss and turn and your mind can’t shut off.
I did fall asleep finally and dreamed strange dreams.
Church was good as it always is and very challenging.
They talked about marriage and commitment …
and what it takes to make it work.
Listening to the others on the panel share.
A couple who has been married 39 years.
A couple who has been married 31 years.
A couple who has been married 20 years.
A couple who has been married 7 years.
Each couple telling a story of love …
of good and bad and better and worse scenes in their relationships.
Each couple telling what it was like to realize…
it takes work to make a healthy couple stay together.
I was full of emotions…
remembering…
our better and worse times our good and bad times.
I was full of emotions…
before church even started…
the person who has hurt me…
continues to create pain in my heart.
Continues to not accept that they are part of the problem.
My husband and I talked today and it helped.
My heart has been hurt and I felt hot tears… close again.
Then we went to a wedding…
Already feeling open and fragile I watched…
as this young couple held each others hands and said to each other
“I will love you always… I will be with you always”
I thought do they really know what that means?
We have been married 36 years.
It has not been easy… or kind to us sometimes.
We have had good and bad and richer and poorer
and better and worse times.
And sickness and health times too.
Is Love still there?
It has to be…
It has been a journey of learning to love through the hard times.
It has been a journey of learning to accept when understanding was not close.
It has been a journey of learning to grow and stretch and challenge each other.
It has been a story that must be shared …someday…
It is a story of hard work and restoration.
A story of living life together with the same purpose and same direction.
I think it is a story of hope and healing.
Today I was full of emotions.
The walls that have been high all my life are lowering.
I feel more…
I experience more…
I am more alive.
Thank you God for your gift of healing
even if sometimes it hurts.
by Sharon O | Aug 1, 2010 | Uncategorized
Faith called me tonight to tell me she was home…
she had a wonderful time at camp and she asked… did I get the letter from her yet?
I didn’t get it yet the mail should bring it soon.
Looking forward to what it has to say…they are always so fun to read.
She said with much excitement… “grandma I did something last night.
I said to her…what did you do?”
She said “grandma I became a Christian last night and I am reading my Bible and I am so happy.”
I almost cried…
it was an answer to my grandma prayers…
For our children… and their children…
I so want our grand children to Love the Lord with all their hearts…
I so want for them to be true to themselves and to be honest…
I so want for them to be faithful to their families and honorable…
I am feeling SO thankful and SO blessed.
Thank you Father God… for being with Faith and giving her a heart who wants to know you.
by Sharon O | Jul 28, 2010 | Uncategorized
Our precious Faith Elizabeth went to summer camp this week.
I am prayerful for her. I am happy for her. Scared for her.
She was our first grand daughter and a tiny 2 pounder when she arrived.
Our miracle baby weighing only 8 pounds at 5 months. She was like a little baby doll and has always been petite.
She will be in sixth grade in a month. She is now age 11.
Our time is passing too quickly.
I want to linger in the moment…
and remember her as a baby…a toddler…a preschooler then into school.
I am wonderfully excited for her and yet so sad that time is going to move between us.
She will grow and change and mature and I will delight in her change but I will also see and grieve the passing of time as it must move forward.
I ask myself as a grandma what would I like to pass on to my grandchildren.
What would I want to teach them alongside manners and prayers?
That they should love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind
and their neighbor like themselves?
That they should listen to their parents and teachers and others in authority.
That they should remember without a shadow of a doubt…
that I will be here or there or anywhere they are… if they need me.
That they should remember that nothing they do will ever take away my love for them.
That my earnest desire is for them to follow after and know the Lord.
That the word will become a lamp for their feet and a light unto their paths.
The things I would say to a little girl growing up…
I grieve the passing of time and at the same time I delight in her.
I delight in all of them as I watch them grow and change.
I am a grandma who prays and
sends letters and cards of encouragement and praise.
I am extremely thankful that I have the honor to love her and walk with her
as she becomes a young lady.
I am a grandma of a little girl growing up too fast.
Lord I pray that my heart can handle it.
by Sharon O | Jul 27, 2010 | Uncategorized
This morning I woke up
way earlier than normal.
It is quiet and cold.
Yesterday the air conditioning felt good
the days temp was in the high 80’s.
This morning the air is cool and I need a sweater.
Reminding me how much
I love fall.
I am longing for days of coolness
flannel shirts and a fire in the fireplace.
I am by nature
not a summer person.
For a small season of time I enjoy it.
Then …
My soul needs cool days
and crispy leaves outside to step on
while the wind snaps against fall trees dying
for the season is for resting and slowing down
and going dormant.
It requires a change…and renewing a spirit that is parched from
summer days.
I love cool days
and hot tea or coffee
and a warm blanket and book.
Summer doesn’t allow that time
for hunkering down and snuggle.
Summer is about hiking and camping
and water and sand.
Fall is a time for books and stillness
and candles burning.
This morning I miss
flannel sheets
warm cocoa
and crisp fall days.
As the seasons change
so do I
Lord help me
to grow and change in a direction towards you.
Help me to be encouraging
challenging and prayerful.
As the seasons change
so do I…
do you?
by Sharon O | Jul 24, 2010 | Uncategorized
You’ll get a brand-new name
straight from the mouth of God.
You’ll be a stunning crown in the palm of God’s hand,
a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God.
No more will anyone call you rejected,
and your country will no more be called Ruined.
You’ll be called Hephzibah (My Delight),
and your land Beulah (Married),
Because God delights in you… (Isaiah 62-2-4 the Message)
Can you imagine the picture with me;
you will be a crown in the palm of God’s hand.
A crown is often coveted by someone who is in competition striving for winning the price.
It is beautiful ~ shining ~ and full of great value.
That is what this verse is saying about YOU.
You… (Insert your name) will be a stunning crown in the palm of God’s hand.
That means he would hold his palm out and SEE you…
How awesome… of a thought.
You will be like a jeweled cup held high in a place of honor and delighted by God.
Can you grasp that he delights in you?
Are you getting it?
The concept is very hard to receive.
When we go through a process of growth with God we become different and renewed.
Often those who served God in the Old and New Testament received a new name to ‘symbolize’ the change in their heart and the change in their lives.
Jesus changed the names of those who he entrusted to do the finished work.
A new name… given along with a changed status and responsibility.
What a wonderful promise for us as we wait and long for a new name in Glory.
Do you wonder what your ‘new name will be as he delights in you?’
He brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. Psalm 18:19
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