Healthy fear

by Sharon O | Sep 10, 2010 | Uncategorized

Continuing on the topic of soul sessions
our pastor was sharing how it is good for us to have healthy fear.
That got my attention because as a child living in a home that often brought fear to the surface I was intrigued by his comment ‘healthy’ fear.
The example he shared was about his little daughter and how they often would tell her to not touch the stove… it is hot… it will burn. Over and over the voice repeating to her ‘NO don’t touch’. Then in a split second the day came when she did. The door was left open and she reached in to touch the bright hot surface.
She learned in an instant through pain and tears and cold water the cause and effect of the warning. Don’t touch the stove it will burn you~ don’t touch~ it will hurt you .
Then he continued to say ‘we do the same’ thing with God.
God will say, “NO don’t do that” in many different ways as a protection for us so we will not be hurt. It is our choice if we reach out and touch it and when it hurts us the truth becomes a reality we can grasp because we experienced it. What God was saying was true.
Just as pastors little daughter became more respectful of the oven when the door was open.
We become more respectful of the warnings of God.
Pastors little daughter probably walked by that stove every hour touching the cold outside frame and not understanding ‘it is hot~ it will hurt you.’ Only when the ‘heat’ hurt her did she grasp the truth and it became a lesson for her to learn from.
Pastor was saying: Healthy fear is prevention so harm cannot take place.
I ask you today…
what has brought a healthy fear to you.
Does the fear of God keep you from sinning?
Do you feel protected because of his warnings?
Just as a parent would run to their child and warn them if they were in the street God runs to us in protection for our safety. He sets guidelines and rules for us so that we can stay safe.
Have you ever had a police officer follow you as you were driving?
I tend to grip the wheel tighter as the anxiety rises for me to perform well.
It is the presence of the car and the uniform and the badge where respect and protection come from. The whole time they are driving behind you it is a test to see if you follow the rules and heed the warning. You have a healthy fear for him for you know that he has the power to site you for doing wrong.
Healthy fear is good in many areas of our lives.

Exodus 20:20 tells us: Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid.
God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you
to keep you from sinning.”
I pray that we can stay thankful that we have a God who cares so much
that he is willing to test us to see if we sin or not.
Is he following behind you today?

A question

by Sharon O | Sep 7, 2010 | Uncategorized

Our Pastor has been teaching a series called soul sessions.
It has been thought provoking and interesting.
The question he asked last week was this:
What distortions do you have about God?

I had to stop and think about that question:
Always looking for the meanings of words I found these to match what he was asking from dictionary.com.
Distortion: a change in perception so that it does not correspond to reality.
The disguising of the meaning of unconscious thoughts so that they may appear
in consciousness as in dreams.
My answers to his question were these:
That He would not love me even though I know He does and
That He would leave me even though I know he won’t.
It is my belief that our distortions about God are based on our core beliefs about ourselves
from the world we grew up in. I believe those distortions are a reflection of what we experienced and perhaps were taught in a conscious way or an unconscious way.
The lessons we learned through other lessons given by those in authority.
(These are only my thoughts not verified by a professional in any way).
In my case: abandonment was a big issue when I was growing up.
The message that I was not important was loud and clear.
When a parent leaves it sends the message deep into the core
of the belief system of the child.
I know in my heart without a shadow of a doubt~
that God loves me…
but if I couldn’t be loved by my parent why would God want to.
I know in my heart without a shadow of a doubt~
that God will never leave me…
but I also know that because my own parent did…
it could be possible for God to do the same.
Now in saying all that without the intense meeting with God I had as a teenager…
the ability to doubt and to question would be much stronger.
(the story is here on this blog ~ march 21st entry)
God answered my prayer in such an intense way there was no choice but to believe.
There was no way I could not. The sureness of my new belief system was fortified
by the answer to my prayer. He knew I would need something so dramatic and so meaningful in order for me to believe in Him.
When the questions come… does God love me enough.
The word will tell me…”I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
When the questions come…will God leave me.
The word tells me… “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
Pastor said, “Love defines your relationship with God”…
if your parent didn’t love you enough is it possible to know God will?
Pastor also said, “Hope is found in your view of God…
the survival of your soul is dependent on your opinion of God in the moment.”
A crisis of Faith is a moment in time where you have to put your faith to the test.
For example when my mother in law found out she had terminal cancer she said, “well we will do the best we can and then leave it up to God.” She had a deep love for God so her soul was settled with the fact that she would see Him one day and it would be good. Because of her opinion of God and who He was she fought her cancer without becoming bitter or angry.
Her soul was settled and it had a profound effect on those who were with her throughout the process.
Pastor continued to talk about the survival techniques we learned growing up.
I could so relate to this since my own journey was full of hard and difficult places
my survival technique was to wall off anything or anyone to keep more hurt away.
Only when God touched me and met me through a prayer from my heart
could I truly believe and trust Him.
Soul sessions are all about discovering who we are as a person.
Our Pastor said, “Hope is always found in your view of God.”
I challenge you to explore the distorted thoughts and views you might have about Him.
Write them down and pray about them.
If you don’t know what they are ask Him to reveal them to you.
Then find scripture to counter balance your thoughts and beliefs.
Is a distorted view of who He is… hurting you in your relationship?
I pray we all search our hearts for what is holding us back from accepting a real relationship with a real and loving God.
Our hope is found in our view of God. I pray it be a positive one.

A Grandma’s Heart

by Sharon O | Sep 5, 2010 | Uncategorized

I wanted to bring up something I saw today at Target. It bothered my heart and my grandma radar was in shock as I walked by the little girls department the age range was little girls ages 4-7. There was a section of clothes that totally rocked my grandma world. On the rack was a very short black mini skirt with black lace leggings to go with it. I mean this skirt was short and black and very ‘revealing’ with black lace leggings for a little girl who is going to be running and playing at recess on swings and teeter toter’s. For a little girl who is under age 5 and totally innocent to what she is wearing or trying to look like. Am I over reacting or just old fashioned or is it really way out of line for some parents to purchase this and let their child wear it in public? It reminded me of the show toddlers and tiaras. I really dislike that show. The show is about little toddlers who are at a tender innocent age and still babies made up to dress as if they are 16 with makeup and fancy outfits and the parents are expecting them to perform. The little girls cry and whine because they don’t want to have their pictures taken or the makeup on or the scratchy dress. It is the parent who sitting there telling them they have to perform it feels like a form of exploitation. It is the parent who has the problem or sick dream. Good grief the first time I saw a preview of that show it almost made me nauseous. What is the message we are sending our little girls? Little girls who are precious and beautiful and innocent. I just spent time with my grand daughters this weekend and I want them to grow up slowly and with the knowledge that they do not have to do or wear anything to make them more pretty or more precious. They do not have to perform or pretend they are valued. They are loved and valued for who they are just because they are my grand daughters. Lord God I pray we do not send a ‘wrong’ message to our little girls. Help them to know they are precious no matter what they wear.

Changes

by Sharon O | Sep 1, 2010 | Uncategorized

The other day as I was skimming my emails and face book
I stopped at a quote of John Eldredge.
It felt so profound to me I just had to write it down and do more thinking about it.
I have read it several times and each time I grasp a new meaning.

John said: Changes in our lives often bring grief and loss. May we embrace and mourn our changes today. Let us not refuse them and lose what God has in store for us.

Changes… none of us like them.
I certainly don’t my routine is pretty much the same day in and day out and my ‘diet’ often is too. The saying ‘creature of habit’ is me. Furniture stays the same year after year, decorations stay the same for each season with very little variations. It is security for me to know that ‘the same’ is here and now and in the room with me.
When something changes it does bring a sense of loss and perhaps grief.
Jobs can change. Friendships come and go. Relationships move in and out of surface talk and deep sharing depending on the time and season.
Children grow up to become adults.
Life is full of changes.
When he said, “Let us embrace and mourn” the picture of a huge hug and a weeping for the night comes to my mind… it is cleansing and restoring.
We say good bye to yesterdays pain and sorrow and we welcome today.
We learn to live in today and look forward to tomorrow. As John says “let us not refuse the changes ahead for us” we might be joyfully surprised by what God has planned.
Today may we live in the now and not worry about anything else.
May we welcome with open arms the changes that might be ahead for us and be willing to accept them even before they come. I pray that we will not miss the blessing that might be around the corner just waiting to be experienced because we refused to change.

A choice

by Sharon O | Aug 25, 2010 | Uncategorized

Our pastor has been teaching a series called soul sessions.
It has been challenging.
He was sharing the other morning how subtle things can be for us
and how we can have our souls affected by something in a way we don’t fully recognize.
It is sneaky. It is disguised as something perhaps good… yet very bad for us.
For example… the boss wants you to volunteer for over time. You say: I need the money so you compromise time from family and home for money that won’t be here for very long.
Pastor says something that is toxic to us is anything capable of causing sickness or death.
Using my example: working over time is not bad in itself but is it creating life in a relationship or building souls? He said toxic things can be consuming to us – consuming the life out of us.
I have seen people so involved in things that it removes the potential for relationship. In their process of doing they forget how to live which is where our focus really should be.
To be so consumed by what you might gain for the wrong reason is a sad situation.
The focus needs to be on relationships and asking questions of ourselves and others, “how is your day going and how is your soul feeling?”
When we demolish every thought that might be hurtful or unkind and not edifying to a relationship we take hold of the toxic potential and stop it before it even begins.
Have you ever seen something toxic?
Remember the oil spill pictures on TV and all the ‘death’ it brought to the ocean?
We can be that way too. We can bring death to relationships by allowing the thick gooey layer of toxic behavior take hold and wrap itself around something that was once a positive and beautiful thing.
Have you ever met someone who appeared to be ‘nice’ and then as you begin to talk to them out of their mouths comes words that are negative, offensive and critical. You walk away from them feeling ‘dumped on’ as the debris of their hearts sit near your soul. It is hurtful.
I pray that we learn to take every thought captive before we say anything.
Our Pastor says our souls are always eavesdropping in every conversation.
When our children were little every time the phone rang they would ‘eavesdrop’ on the conversation. They would drop everything they were doing so they could stop and listen. The picture in my mind of our souls leaning over and pressing in to hear every word is impressive to me. I remember saying to our children…”go find something to do”… they would reply …”but I want to listen.”
Our souls are doing the same.
May our challenge be to remember that we can give life or give death…
it is all a matter of choice.

The power of a word

by Sharon O | Aug 23, 2010 | Uncategorized

I often look up words…
and even subscribe to the word of the day on dictionary.com.
It has challenged me to think of what to say and how to say it so the words on this blog can bring life to the story that is trying to be written.
A new word I have discovered is frangible – it’s meaning:
Capable of being broken; brittle; fragile; easily broken or to break; frail; delicate; brittle; dainty; feeble; flimsy; weak.

I moved this meaning or definition into relationships.
How we treat each other should reflect how we see ‘the power of a word’ within our souls and our hearts and the hearts of others around us.
When I was growing up my maiden name was Nichols. I would often hear from someone…”you don’t have enough sense to be a nickel.” I don’t remember who that someone was or where they were in my story but that doesn’t matter. They said it to me and I didn’t understand it for a long time until one day it hit me….”That was not a nice thing to say to a child.’
Perhaps it is the reason why I question my ability to be smart or able or capable of doing something even now as an adult. It became a core issue that was buried deeply and placed on me by someone who carelessly threw out words not realizing the impact they would have on a childs sense of themselves.

God’s word tells us over and over….
be gentle with what you say –
be careful and wise –
for what you say goes into the spirit of another and it is not easy to retract it once it has been said.
I see relationships as frangible.
They are capable of being broken.
They are fragile and delicate.
They can be frail and flimsy.
The balance between caring for each other’s hearts and soul shows us how we are to love.

I don’t think we should be so ‘brittle’ that we shatter at any harsh word said to us…
if that was the case we would all be shattered and broken people.
We will receive criticism at times.
We will receive reviews at work or at home that are not what we want to hear.
We will receive a ticket if we are in violation of the law.
It is all about perspective in the way we see ourselves
and how we let the words affect us.
The truth is: the words we say to one another have the power
to build up or break down the confidence and belief in oneself.
How you see yourself now often is a direct shadow of how you were seen as a child.
My shadow was invisible. If I could be unseen the ‘pain’ level would be less.
My world would be safer and it was easier to cope within the ’empty’ void.
I don’t think it is a sign of weakness to be easily broken.
I think it is the way God created our heart.
If someone hurts us with words it is normal to create a distance
between that person and ourselves.
The saying ‘sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me’ is completely untrue and it is false teaching.
It only takes a second to build up or break down.
Shall we purpose in our ‘hearts and minds’ to become people builders and realize the power of our words.
My challenge for us is to stop… pray… think and listen to what we are about to say.
Is it helpful or hurtful…
does it build or break… is it toxic or healing.
Let this be our prayer:
Psalm 19:14 {Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer}