Emotions

Today I was full of emotions….
I didn’t sleep well last night.
One of those nights when you are asleep yet ‘half awake.’
When you toss and turn and your mind can’t shut off.
I did fall asleep finally and dreamed strange dreams.
Church was good as it always is and very challenging.
They talked about marriage and commitment …
and what it takes to make it work.
Listening to the others on the panel share.
A couple who has been married 39 years.
A couple who has been married 31 years.
A couple who has been married 20 years.
A couple who has been married 7 years.
Each couple telling a story of love …
of good and bad and better and worse scenes in their relationships.
Each couple telling what it was like to realize…
it takes work to make a healthy couple stay together.
I was full of emotions…
remembering…
our better and worse times our good and bad times.
I was full of emotions…
before church even started…
the person who has hurt me…
continues to create pain in my heart.
Continues to not accept that they are part of the problem.
My husband and I talked today and it helped.
My heart has been hurt and I felt hot tears… close again.
Then we went to a wedding…
Already feeling open and fragile I watched…
as this young couple held each others hands and said to each other
“I will love you always… I will be with you always”
I thought do they really know what that means?
We have been married 36 years.
It has not been easy… or kind to us sometimes.
We have had good and bad and richer and poorer
and better and worse times.
And sickness and health times too.
Is Love still there?
It has to be…
It has been a journey of learning to love through the hard times.
It has been a journey of learning to accept when understanding was not close.
It has been a journey of learning to grow and stretch and challenge each other.
It has been a story that must be shared …someday…
It is a story of hard work and restoration.
A story of living life together with the same purpose and same direction.
I think it is a story of hope and healing.
Today I was full of emotions.
The walls that have been high all my life are lowering.
I feel more…
I experience more…
I am more alive.
Thank you God for your gift of healing
even if sometimes it hurts.