by Sharon O | Apr 15, 2018 | Uncategorized
Telling the story again for the new readers so that they are aware of why I write and continue to challenge those who need ‘help’ to find it.
For many years as an adult I have been in a recovery type of season, either in a group setting or individual counseling sessions.
It took health issues, some depression, and spiritual renewal to show me I needed to look backward before I could look forward.
We grow best when we allow the truth to show us the broken pieces of our hearts.
As a little girl growing up I was not really aware of some of the broken places in my heart, I just tried my best to survive in the world we lived in.
Life began in a rural part of Eastern Oregon, with a mom and dad and two older sisters. There were plenty of cats and other animals for we lived on a farm part of the time.
It seemed pretty normal … until it didn’t.
Our dad was a farm hand, tending to many things, always wearing jeans and western shirts, cowboy hat and boots (at least that is in my memory).
He loved music and they often would go square dancing on the weekends, I think it was in the school gym or a building with wood floors.
Us little kids would go and even though I don’t remember much about it, we would watch and play or sleep till the night was over and it was time to go home.
Life seemed pretty good and relatively happy.
Then one day when I was around age five, our dad left us.
One day he was there, and the next day he wasn’t.
It was traumatic and shocking for all of us.
When I look up the word trauma dictionary.com says: {psychologically painful.
a powerful shock that may have long-lasting effects.}
This is exactly what took place.
Long lasting effects on a heart and spirit of a child.
Abandonment is not an easy topic. {to give up; discontinue; withdraw from: to leave completely and finally; desert: to abandon one’s farm; to abandon a child}
We were at that moment in time, abandoned by our dad.
I am not sure why and don’t want to know; he is not with us any more; he passed away a few years ago, even as an old man I never asked him.
Our reality had changed and as time moved forward many things would change for us.
We had a mom, who also felt very abandoned and a dad who was missing and as little children we didn’t know how to navigate the thoughts and feelings.
There was no one to help us and the questions and tears were ours to sort out alone.
It was our truth. So when I say I have a trauma filled childhood, it started when our dad left us and left our hearts hurting for something real and loving.
The story continues as I move through the why I write and tell the story.
by Sharon O | Apr 10, 2018 | Uncategorized
Being brave while challenging myself is not the easiest thing I can do when writing in this space.
Dictionary.com says: brave means to meet or face courageously: a warrior. exhibiting courage.
To share from one’s heart and share where you have been hurt takes a lot of courage.
This blog began in 2009 with private writings and settings. It was never meant to be open.
It was only for a chosen few; kind of like a personal diary and definitely not shared with everyone.
One day my husband said to me, “if you wrote a book would you know who purchased it?”, of course I would not; so the challenge came for me from him, to open it up to the general public and be brave.
As a private person by nature it was very hard to have others read my writings.
It felt vulnerable. It felt weird and exposed to me. The question came, “what if they don’t like it or I’m not believed?”
These are hard questions to solve when everything inside me said, “It’s not really for sharing.”
As I moved out of the recovery process of ‘childhood trauma’, I began to feel more open to sharing some of what I had experienced and what formed me in those earlier years.
It is never easy to share one’s vulnerable self to others especially, when you don’t know how well it would be received.
As a survivor of ‘a broken home’, one learns to read body language and tone of voice.
If I let myself fret over who is going to read the writings then I hurt my chance to write ‘openly’.
As time moved forward I have chosen to tell my story in bits and pieces, carefully choosing the words.
It is important to know the reason why I want to tell, it’s not just for the purpose of sharing.
Sometimes truth can be left alone and buried.
Sometimes it is never helpful to share things from the past.
My thought is this: If my story can help ONE person move forward towards their own healing place.
Then it is worth it, to take the risk.
We can only help those who we have an identity with; when I meet survivors of some kind of trauma I immediately know… ‘yes, I understand’ because I really do.
Listening is a gift, empathy is also.
To be able to walk alongside someone who is broken and to be able to say to them, “I see wholeness in you”
it’s kind of like being a verbal cheerleader.
In the next few writings I will open up a little bit of life as I knew it.
I hope you will follow along and walk this journey with me.
by Sharon O | Apr 6, 2018 | Uncategorized
The time for reflection continues even though it’s the week after Easter.
Our church on Sunday saw many get baptized and many gave their lives to Jesus for the first time.
It’s amazing and wonderful to see the excitement and growth within our church.
There are a lot of people who I don’t know or recognize anymore but that is fine I don’t have to know them.
I think because the world is so crazy these days people want to know the peace that only Jesus can give.
Plus our church has been focusing on prayer and priorities and looking for a place to settle in.
The miracles keep taking place. We were able to rent a school which six months ago was not possible.
Also we were able to find and put money and paperwork on a building that can be remodeled in a year or so.
It will be our permanent building.
Our church is 20 years old and it’s time to put some permanent roots down.
The community supports us and we support them.
It is a win/win situation and it will be so exciting to see how it all plays out.
Our pastor has grown and the staff is doing what is necessary to keep him rested and ready to serve.
It is exciting to be a part of a body of believers who are not playing church but rather learning to be more spiritual and walk deeper in the faith.
God is real. God is powerful. We have seen and experienced His power and blessings.
I wonder where are you today in a walk with the Lord? Belief is so easy. Trust is too.
All it takes is a heart desire to know without a shadow of doubt that God is who He said He is and His love was poured out to us on Easter because there was no other way.
He knew it would end well. He also knew it had to be hard and harsh.
It was love that gave us Hope.
I pray that you know today, what you believe and what you know to be true.
God loved us so much that HE gave His only son, so that we (whoever believes in Him) might have life forever.
That is a pretty awesome promise.
by Sharon O | Apr 3, 2018 | Uncategorized
[36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
(These were the disciples who were in a room, hiding from the leaders of the day afraid they would be crucified too because they knew Jesus.)
37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost.
38 He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?
39 Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”
40 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet.
41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?”
42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43 and he took it and ate it in their presence.
44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”
45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures.
46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day,
47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.
48 You are witnesses of these things.
49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”]
HE startled them. Can you imagine all of a sudden he is in the room? He appeared out of nowhere.
Wow I cannot imagine that moment when they looked and realized it was HIM the Messiah.
So exciting and yet so necessary for them to see him and keep his truth in their hearts.
[50 When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them.
51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven.
52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy.
53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.]
He was taken up into heaven. I wonder how that looked? we cannot imagine it.
WE cannot see it for ourselves and even the most creative writer couldn’t put into words the powerful moment that must have been for them to be a part of as he was lifted up into heaven.
Resurrection and life. Jesus was alive and the rest of the story is here with us to this day until he returns again. Many scriptures tell us about that time and the events that might take place.
It is all recorded and written and only in God’s perfect timing will it take place.
Just like the birth Jesus at Christmas time, orchestrated by God, the death was the same and the resurrection and someday the return of Jesus. It is all in God’s perfect timing.
by Sharon O | Apr 2, 2018 | Uncategorized
[3 Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. (Luke 24) 14 They were talking with each other about everything that had happened.
15 As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them;
16 but they were kept from recognizing him.
17 He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”
They stood still, their faces downcast.
18 One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”
19 “What things?” he asked. “About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people.
20 The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him;
21 but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place.
22 In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning
23 but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive.
24 Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but they did not see Jesus.”
25 He said to them, “How foolish you are, and how slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken!
26 Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?”
27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.
28 As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther.
29 But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.
30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.
32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”
33 They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together
34 and saying, “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.”
35 Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.]
I love the verse…they were kept from recognizing him.
He was not only testing them but it was not yet time for him to be revealed to them.
It was in the familiar setting, the breaking of the bread, the knowing in their hearts HE WAS who he said he was for the first time the reality came to them. It was not only exciting but also brought a lot of questions for them. Did we not see him die? did we not see him buried?
The powerful story of resurrection continues as we read more of the story.
by Sharon O | Apr 1, 2018 | Uncategorized
[On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. (Luke 24)
2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb,
3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.
4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them.
5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead?
6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee:
7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”
8 Then they remembered his words.
9 When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others.
10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles.
11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense.
12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.]
Can you even imagine?
The women were expecting to put spices on his body and he wasn’t there.
Then to see the angels who looked like men, shining brightly. WOW what a moment of confusion that would be for them. Not only were they expecting to see Jesus but they saw two men in there instead.
I am always amazed that the angels can speak in a way we can understand.
Then I really can imagine what Peter thought, when running to the tomb. His sorrow was replaced with hope then a bit of confusion too for none of them could understand what had happened.
Resurrection had taken place. Jesus was alive it was a time for celebration.
