God does not allow things in our past as an accident, HE desires us to use our past for a better purpose in the future.
When I tell my story about being a daughter without a dad, I know without a doubt there are others listening who can say; “Yes” me too.
It is an identifying connection.
I am glad my parents got together in their aging years and stayed true to each other.
Did it discount the years they were not together?
Absolutely not. But it did heal some of those years for them.The last time I saw my dad, he was in a hospital bed resting.
He had been very ill and we were not sure how long we would actually have with him.
I kind of felt in my heart it would be my last time seeing him.
He was resting and perhaps sleeping, and I didn’t want to bother him.
Sort of the theme for us, he didn’t bother me very much and I didn’t bother him.
Looking back I could have done some things differently.
I also know my dad was a stubborn old cowboy and didn’t allow others to edge in his space, he was private and also careful of his ‘thoughts or feelings’.
At least that is my experience.
Only a few times did I hear him say, “love ya” … while giving me a hug.
I couldn’t quite take it in and I didn’t really know what to do with it.
The little girl who was always watching and waiting for some ‘connection’, just couldn’t fit the puzzle pieces together.
(Yes I was an adult but the lessons of the past do affect us even if we heal them.)
It is my belief that if we don’t allow deep healing; it will follow us till we take the time to heal those wounded places. It is not easy but very necessary.
I did forgive my dad in my own way. Even if… I never understood why he left.
I wanted to move past the question and stay within the truth of what I knew.
He came back. They remarried. They grew old together. (found this photo hope it’s ok to use it) It was a love story that was both confusing and healing.
I am very glad I saw him in his aging years so I didn’t have to keep guessing how he was.
It allowed me to do closure.  When he passed away the story was over and it was good.
What I know for sure, HE loved… the only way he knew how.
It was limited and it was guarded.
We had an understanding between us and it was peaceful and calm.
I am my father’s daughter. I was loved from a distance and I think for now that is ok.
I will always count those times spent together as a wonderful memory
When we lived in the country there was a season in time where he would come visit us.
It was both good and strange to see him drive up the driveway.
I also have the letters that he sent, the cards in his hand writing, as very special and I will always miss him. He was dad. My dad. Our dad and grandpa to my children.