Following the last blog:
What if those who have offended us won’t move towards us into a place of healing.
Then what do we do?
On Sunday our pastor said, “Offense means in the biblical text: skandal (that was the spelling he had on the screen) ~ to stumble or to snare as in a trap.” (showing us the example of a large mouse trap)
Dictionary.com said offense is: a violation, a transgression, the feeling of resentful displeasure, the act of attacking, to trespass against.
He said, “When an offense is allowed to grow and entangle itself around something it strangles the life out of relationships.”
The offender begins to poison any attempt at ‘reconciliation’ or healing from anyone especially the one offended. They wall themselves off as the offense is stirred and churned over and over until the words harbor expectations that cannot ever be met.
The offender will demand peace without wanting to realize they must do something in order for the peace to take place.
The offender brushes off all responsibility to the offended one and demand that they calm the storm or calm the chaos between them. People who are offenders are critical and have great difficulty thinking in a different way. Critical people are offended by other peoples happiness; they struggle with it because they cannot seem to be that way themselves. Critical people are unapproachable. They recoil when asked to ‘accept responsibility.’ They get angry and defensive when asked to deal with the hurt they caused. Most often they push the closest people near them away and demand space from them. Offenders who are critical feed off of unresolved hatred or unresolved issues. They delight in seeing the other person suffer almost as if it is a pay back towards them. They generally do anything they can to not apologize as they justify the ‘fault is not theirs to deal with.’
Pastor said ‘what kind of person do you want to be and what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?’
What will happen in the midst of a place of healing between the those who are involved matters more than what has happened between them.
Jesus did not ever minimize the hurting people he maximized the healing they could receive.
In a place of healing the hurt is dealt with in an honest real way so that healing and restoration can begin to take place.
The legacy you choose to leave behind is directly related to the openness of heart you express towards another.
Is your heart open to maximize the healing today and be kind to someone who hurt you?
Would you be able to walk away and let it go if they chose to never be responsible?
It is something to think about as we continue to explore this topic of hurt.
Our pastor continued his teaching on the ‘hurt’ topic today.
It was powerful as it always is, leaving one with much to process and think about when heading home.
Last week he said: our hurts are the darkness of our hearts where we feel overwhelmed, and full of grief.
In order to heal we need to re-define what happened in the midst of the hurt. What happened in the midst of the pain or the trauma or the deep grief. We have to understand what took place in order to move forward out of the darkness.
We need to realize the greater purpose for the hurt and pain so we can put it in a proper context for healing.
Such as someday we can walk alongside someone who has experienced the same kind of hurt and pain we have. We can be an important teacher and guide for them as they walk through and experience the darkness of their heart in the same way we did ours. The wounded-ness of soul. The broken heart ache. The intense pain and sorrow. We all have experienced it at some point in time.
In order for healing to take place we need to learn to say, “I am not a victim, I am an over comer.”
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He then moved into the second part of the teaching today and talked to us about dealing with our offenses.
In the way we were offended often times we see life through the lens of the grudge or the anger or the deep resentment surrounding the offense. Our filter is like a pair of sunglasses and every thing we look at or experience is based on the distorted view of the lens we are looking through.
Life is not seen clearly.
It is distorted…blurred and…cloudy.
We learn to not handle our hurts ~ we allow them to handle us.
He wanted us to realize hurt people offend easily.
Have you ever met someone who is hyper sensitive and it becomes very clear that no matter what you say or do it becomes distorted or viewed way different then what you had intended?
Hurt people can’t do relationships in a healthy way.
They perceive life as an offense put upon them so that every relationship is sabotaged. Offended people learn to hurt others and learn to do it well. Offended people push others away and rarely allow anyone close to them.
Pastor said, “We must move away from our offenses and learn to let them go.”
The more we hold onto our offense our hearts becomes hardened and walled off from authentic feelings.
The longer we stay the offended hurt wounded person the longer we push… healing… away.
The goal must be to heal the offenses ~ acknowledge the pain ~ let it go and then let healing begin.
Lord God move in us so that we are not the ‘offended one’. So that we are not the ‘hyper sensitive judgemental person.’ So that we are not the hurt wounded person stuck in that position.
Move in the places of our heart and show us
those who have offended against us and then help us to move forward to a place of healing towards them.
I can’t believe I am so behind in the blog writing.
My goal has always been to write three times a week but lately it just hasn’t happened.
A season of dry ideas or thoughts?
Last week another bug that had me down for a few days. It was so nice to just rest and rest more and do nothing. Even surprised myself by going to bed and really resting without tv or music in the background.
It was very restful.
Life seems to be throwing curve balls as each day begins or maybe each month.
Someone said: “Adversity re-defines ones character.”
If that is true then our characters have really been re-defined this year.
In three months my husband had rotater cuff surgery on his shoulder, then he reacted badly to something they gave him in the hospital and he had a severe rash that was more like a second degree burn leaving his skin peeling all over his back, arms, face shoulders this situation involved two visits to the emergency room then recently he has a surgery for skin cancer. In the process of all this he is still doing physical therapy for his shoulder surgery.
It is only April and so much has taken place.
Do I need to explain why we both feel tired?
God will keep protecting us. Life will go on.
But I do pray for a small break in the crisis department.
Thank you for your patience as I slowly move back into the writing it has been a bit challenging lately.
How has your life been?
This is a beautiful song I thought I would share. I am down with a bug and not able to write today. Perhaps tomorrow I could come up with a writing. Enjoy these words by Babbie Mason.
Can I ask those readers who read this ‘blog’ to let me know if you actually read it?
I have ‘about 90’ readers and I have no idea who actually receives it, reads it and wants to respond to it.
can I ask for a bit of feedback?
JUST wondering most blogs take me about 4-6 hours to ‘process’ and I will continue to do that but it will help for me to know ‘if there really is’ an audience.
The other day Pastor had several boxes on the stage and he said, “Where do you put your hurt”?
Are there boxes in closets where you say, “Lord these are not for you to deal with, they are mine.”
Do you have categories in your box that are OK to show and others that are not?
He said there could be a box for ‘storage’. “Let’s not open that one right now”.
There could be a box for recycling, “I have dealt with this before but it keeps coming around to be dealt with again.” Recycle those jagged places and allow them for good to strengthen you.
Put them down and release them.
Each box could hold and represent a part of your ‘wounded’ heart.
Moving boxes represent someone moving.
That is a good and positive thing.
Moving in the right direction is even better.
We cannot see God as one who is powerless to help us or too powerful as in a tyrant.
Through the lens of our ‘broken ness’ we must see him
as one who cares deeply and desires to help heal us.
Our hurts can be handed off to the one who can heal them permanently.
Our relationships can be released and given permission to teach and grow us.
Showing our hurts to another is the best way to ‘release and remove’
the power of the hurting place inside us.
When it used to be safe and necessary to hide the hurt,
it is no longer the safe way.
That rule inside must be replaced with a positive and more relational one.
Sometimes we think God is too busy or not available or not interested in our hurting hearts.
That is so untrue and so not like him.
{Psalm 5:6-7} Away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.
{1st Peter 5:6-7} Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you.
{Isaiah 63:9} In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old. {Deuteronomy 31:8} The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
I hope these verses leave you with an encouragement that is so strong
that releasing the hurts is the most ‘natural action you can do right now’.
Release them and allow him to restore you.
It is a new year for a new you ~ today could be the day to begin.
Our Pastor is doing a series on the topic of HURT.
What a heavy topic.
I sat there in the chair and thought, ‘I could write a whole book on that topic’.
This last year was an intense year of hurt, with mom O struggling with cancer and losing her battle. With a relationship that is close to me sending out words that not only hurt my heart but hurt my spirit too.
We remain unhealed. It will be a journey of ‘intense’ confrontation I am afraid and it will also require some deep seated ‘feelings’ to resurface. It will be no fun but it is necessary for healing to take place.
Pastor said, “sometimes we don’t intend to hurt others…there is emotional hurt~ spiritual hurt~ physical hurt~ and relationship hurt.” Sometimes we say words that are misunderstood or sometimes we say words that were intentionally twisted by the other person. Pastor said often our messy lives transition into hurtful ones. If someone is an emotional mess they will send off waves of pain towards anyone in their paths it is normal to lash out instead of look inward. It is normal to push away rather than push in.
Hurt means: to cause bodily injury to; to cause bodily pain; to affect adversely or hurt one’s reputation; to cause mental pain; to offend or grieve; to produce a painful sensation to some one.
These are heavy intense words.
Today, can you think of someone you have hurt who you need to go talk to?
Today, can you prayerfully ask God to stir within your spirit the words you have said that perhaps wounded someone?
I think this journey has to be a personal one to heal us from the ‘hurt’ and woundedness we carry.
God takes the hurt to produce a deeper character in us.
Are we willing to let him? and are we willing to take the steps to form the deeper character?
Leaving you with something to think about.
One Word 2018 Simplify/2019 Simplify/2020 Rest, 2021/Comfort
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Philipians 4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. ==================== Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Courage is not the absence of fear but it's taking action in the midst of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
It's your heart, not the dictionary that gives meaning to your words. Matthew 12:34 (msg) version.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Below you will find a few of my favorite websites or blogs. They have given me encouragement and challenged me on this journey.
Ann Voskamp's blog A holy Experience This image of a bleeding heart represents a journey of healing from brokenness to wholeness. Some of my favorite books: One thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
Married over 46 years and entered into my 65th year of life.
I am a mother of two and grandmother of six and mom to two very spoiled kitties. I love to worship and encourage and of course write whenever I can find a topic or subject to share about.
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Thank you for visiting my blog.
I hope you find it encouraging and that it gives you
'Something to think about'. The vision for this is to challenge the reader into a new and different way of thinking. I appreciate and always value your comments. Having others walk alongside and join in the sharing is part of the process.
Thank you for joining me... on this journey. As we get encouraged ~ Lord help us to encourage others. "And the day came when the risk to remain a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin my blog button The crosses are found on a beach at Winema Christian Camp on the Oregon coast.. a place to relax and find God in the process. My favorite place ....to rest and restore my spirit.
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