by Sharon O | Jul 14, 2011 | Uncategorized
I watched the Diane Sawyer special on Sunday night about Jaycee Dugard and her life as a kidnapped victim for over 18 years.
I had so many mixed emotions as I was watching it.
Her strength and courage were amazing.
Her lack of hatred or bitterness was also an amazing thing to experience.
She truly did not feel it was worth her time to waste it on strong feelings
towards her perpetrator.
She said to Diane, “Why do I want to give him that much power?”
She was 11 years old when he picked her off the street and drove away with her.
She was in 5th grade and an adorable young elementary student who never would have thought that morning as she was heading for school she would be kidnapped and not ever found for 18 long years. Her mother remembers Jaycee asking for a hug and her mom through her tears said,
“I was too busy and too interested in getting to work on time I could not hug my daughter.” through her tears, she said, “And I couldn’t for so many years after that.”
I felt so sorry for her and the deep regret and grief she felt.
Jaycee lived in the back yard of a sexual offender and the officials failed her over and over
with every home visit they did with him.
I was watching the special and I was angry that no one found the little girl
who lived in a shed at first then later moved to a tent city he had set up for her.
She did not go outside for years.
She did not see the light of day.
She was handcuffed and kept locked up.
Can you even imagine?
As she spoke to Diane I was noticing how beautiful she was.
How she lost so much of her life because of the selfishness of
one man and one woman
yet she seemed strong and not bitter or angry.
I keep thinking of a little girl alone
at night crying for her mama.
She said the nights were the worst – so long and scary.
I keep thinking of a little girl in the dark.
trying so hard to be brave yet feeling so much fear.
How did she ever sleep?
I keep thinking of a little girl alone
repeatedly abused by a man who was distorted and sick
and very evil.
After seeing this show I keep thinking of the childhood lost
of a little girl forgotten.
The years moved on and those whose lives were not touched
by her being missing
never really thought about her.
I cried as I watched the show.
For the mom who searched day and night for a daughter missing.
My heart was very moved by the question Diane asked Jaycee,
“What kept you going all those years?”
Jaycee said with tears in her eyes,
“I hoped my mom would accept me and love me and that I would see her alive someday.”
As a child alone she had two other children by the evil perpetrator who held her captive.
She said others have asked her, “Why didn’t you ever leave?”
and she answered, “I knew that was never an option.”
She said she had pet cats appear then disappear
it is a threat taken very seriously by someone who is being abused.
No one knows that power unless one has been there amidst the evil.
Her identity left as the abuse continued.
She became Alyssa the name of an actress who played
a tv personality on the show ‘Who’s the boss’
featuring a young girl who lived in a family.
She was not allowed to say or write her own name.
Because of one man who never should have been out on parole
she lost her voice, her identity and her innocence.
The officials were manipulated into believing he was a good man
who would never be a harm to society once released.
They were wrong.
Someone really messed up and should be held accountable.
I pray we have learned something from this situation.
I pray that no one should ever have to go through her kind of darkness again.
Jaycee was saved because of the intuition and courage of a few detectives
who felt something was wrong when they saw her and her ‘daughters’ with their offender.
It was one of the first times they had gone out in public
as a small group and it looked very suspicious to the detectives.
They had no idea what they would uncover as they searched
his name on computer files.
They took the chance to follow up and do some research on
who he was and what he was doing in their area.
A lost child was found and a new life was given
to Jaycee and her children.
I pray we all use a bit of discernment and follow up
even if we are not sure it is better to be wrong
then pass by an opportunity that could perhaps
be saving the life of a child.
I pray we have the strength to take a risk
even if that risk means we make others listen.
A new life was given because someone cared.
by Sharon O | Jul 11, 2011 | Uncategorized
I loved the clouds they were awesome and very entertaining as they moved with the wind in the sky. They looked like flying angels.
Can you see the wings??
It was beautiful.
The grand daughters and grandpa played in the water.
I sat in my chair and relaxed. It was a bit cold about 65 with a wind and half of the time I had a sweatshirt on and half I was comfortable with a sleeveless shirt on.
It was deceiving for it looked very warm out there.
I love the crosses they are so welcoming and so peaceful.
We went to the beach today. Someone did not use sunscreen as she sat and relaxed.
Why? I am not sure but the red you see here is also on my chest, neck and face.
Yes folks I am toasted. Maybe tomorrow I won’t be feeling the pain so much.
Sorry I couldn’t make my feet look better, size six shoe, small feet very burned I even have some red on the bottoms of my feet because the sand was warm. They are also swollen.
I was wearing salt water sandals and they protected some of my feet but not all.
Rule number one.. don’t forget your feet.
It is very painful if you burn them.
by Sharon O | Jul 6, 2011 | Uncategorized
For those who read my blog and follow it
you know the complicated feelings I have surrounding my dad.
My dad… who has been very ill now for over three weeks.
Actually he has been ill for over 5 years doing the dance of ups and downs with good health and not.
His lungs are not working well with a diagnoses of chronic copd.
He has leukemia and diabetes and his heart is not working well either.
This last round was very hard on his heart.
Entering the hospital with a blood pressure of 218/84 and a respiratory reading at 62 it was not good. He was very close to dying.
The doctors were not sure what was wrong but they knew he had double pneumonia, and with copd that is almost like drowning. Dad was extremely ill and spent 5 days in ICU then another 5 days in a room with part of that time spent in a cardiac room.
He is 84 years old.
He has lived a very long life working on ranches, in rodeos, sheep shearing and working as the best auctioneer in the county and one of the top sheep shearers too.
He is a cowboy by nature.
I am not sure if he has ridden a horse I suppose in his younger years he did.
I remember as a little girl seeing him brand cows as the cow dogs would work right along side him.
It scared me for the cows were not enjoying the process and the dirt and the smell was often overwhelming to me.
I was under five and still remember the sounds of the yelling and ‘chaos’ corralling the cows into the shoots.
My dad is a rough and tough,”I will do it myself man.”
As we age sometimes the reality that one cannot do that anymore is a hard thing to grasp.
Oxygen is now his companion… nurses come and go and check on levels in his blood and his air.
He is not happy with all the fussing or the process of trying to keep him stable.
I have a picture of him on my refrigerator with a flannel shirt and a red knitted hat along with red suspenders.
We call it our,”Papa Smurf ” picture.
For years I never knew him.
He was an image in my mind, a figure I imagined and wondered about but never knew personally.
When we did finally meet I was in my early 30’s.
He was a shadow of me or was I a shadow of him?
I told him he had to earn the right to be my dad.
Later I received a few hand written letters from him.
I will treasure them always.
They are stored in boxes of memories so far removed from my here and now life.
I will walk down that road someday and allow myself to feel and read the words scratched out on lined paper. His writing personal to me. His words etched in my memory, “you know I am not one for showing emotion.” Perhaps that is where I learned to shut my own off.
He never saw my high school graduation or walked me down the aisle as a new bride, or held my first born son or later my daughter.
He was ‘absent’ for years.
My heart was full of questions that had no answers.
As a daughter you always want your ‘daddies’ love. As a daughter you always want to know, “do I matter to you?”
My grandma ‘his mom’ came to stay with our family one time when she was in her late 70’s or early 80’s. My children didn’t know who she was but they loved the fact that she was a spunky lady with a will as strong as a steel hammer. She would walk that country road as fast as my young ones any day.
Dad has the same resilience, the same bounce that always brings him back.
It’s a fight that doesn’t want the last battle to win.
I will not ever be ready for that phone call that tells me…
the battle is over he is gone and no longer with us.
My dad is hanging on by sheer will and determination.
The body is not as strong as it used to be and he is tired.
I pray for more time with him but I also know only
God knows how many days each of us have here.
When the phone rings I pray my heart will be ready to hear the news I don’t want to hear.
The years we missed will never be recovered.
Time cannot bring back lost days or lost memories.
What matters now are the words,
“I care for and love you.”
“I am praying for you.”
“I won’t blame you or judge you.”
“I will miss you always.”
by Sharon O | Jul 4, 2011 | Uncategorized
A little country flag…
Oh Lord
I pray that we as a people understand
that we have fallen so hard and moved so far away from your blessings
and then we have the nerve to ask
where is our God?
When we as a people have not taken your words seriously and we have not understood your commandments fully.
I pray your Grace over us.
I pray your protection over us and our country
even when we take your name out of our pledge of allegiance.
For in our unwillingness to see you for WHO you truly are
we miss seeing the enemy for who he is also.
As we learn the truth
I pray we can use all power and weapons we need to remove him.
Lord God I ask for your patience
for I know we are people to be most pitied and our shame
should be a cover wrapped around us
as you continue to protect us against the strong wind of attacks from our enemy
even when we don’t deserve your faithfulness to us.
We have failed you as a country
yet some of us choose to serve you in the midst of those failings.
Keep us in your will and abide with us.
Stay close to us for you have promised to never leave.
Don’t give up on us yet
for there is hope and renewal for many willing to sacrifice their lives and hearts
for your purpose and our freedom.
God Please Bless America!
As you look upon us with your love.
God Bless America
Land that I Love
Stand Beside Her
And Guide Her
From the night
with a light from above
God Please Bless America…My Home Sweet Home
