by Sharon O | Oct 14, 2010 | Uncategorized
Grandma learned something important.
Not long ago I was showing my grand daughter Faith my blog.
She was happy to see ‘herself’ in a few photo’s and she was reading what I had written about her camp and her fair days and her life. She thought it was pretty neat and was even excited to see it all then she then asked me, “Are you going to write about my mom or put a picture of her on your blog?”
I said well I can but I have to ask permission first it is not right to just ‘assume’ she would want me to share her ‘life’ with my readers. Faith looked at me with a puzzled look and said, “Well you didn’t ask my permission.”
Oh wow how true those words were.
I had just assumed that it was alright to post them and technically it is alright with her but she is absolutely sending me a message and teaching me something in the process. I did not call and ask her permission and I didn’t ask if I could post a picture or even talk to her about what my plans were.
This lead me to think about other issues around children.
Have you ever watched people at the store or other places with children?
People will go up to a baby and touch their face or their hair and say, “Oh aren’t you so sweet?”
Why do we feel it is acceptable to touch a child when we would never go up to an adult and touch their face and say, “You are so beautiful.”
We don’t pat them on the head and say ‘Hi’. Why would we not do that?
Because it is a boundary issue and we would be in their personal space.
It is called ‘your personal bubble space’ around you. Others need to stand back and ask first if they can enter your ‘space with you’. It is really disrespectful for us to assume that a child might want us to touch their head or hold their hand. They should be able to say “NO” that is what we teach them when we teach
‘good touch~bad touch’.
So why do we assume that they ‘wish for us’ to be in their space or share part of their life with others?
Children need respect just as adults do.
I was wrong to put Faith on my blog without asking permission first.
She was not mad at me she wasn’t even disappointed but she did make a point in telling me ‘You didn’t ask’. She is eleven and in sixth grade she should be able to use her voice and say, ‘You can share Or not’.
I stand corrected. As a grandma I went against everything my heart stands for.
The protection of children and the right for them to have a voice.
From now on if I share anything ‘personal or show a picture’ I will do my best to get permission from the one who I am writing about.
I hope this gives us all something ‘new’ to think about.
Have you ever shared something or told something about someone without asking permission first?
If you did how did you deal with it after you realized your mistake?
by Sharon O | Oct 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
In keeping with the topic of the seminar I went to a few weeks ago.
I was searching through my notes that were taken during the sessions and found a few tidbits that are worth sharing.
The speaker said, “There are three voices that will keep you away from God and His purpose for you.”
The ‘chatter of comparison.’
The ‘insane scream of perfectionism.’
The ‘whispers of the illusion of control.’
Each one of these resonated with me.
Comparison is really hard because often times I see a house and I say, “wow I wish ours was that nice and pretty outside. The presentation is so welcoming. I wish we had that type of entry way, I wish our kitchen was bigger, I wish we had that much room, I wish….. ” continuing on with my discontent.
When I say that out loud I am becoming less thankful and less content for the home we have and live in. It is a nice home.
It is peaceful.
No it is not updated to ‘todays’ standards of granite counter tops and elaborate decor but it is adequate and comfortable and it is ours.
I feel safe here.
When I compare I lose sight of how God has blessed us.
Perfectionism was something I had to put down and let go when we first got married.
My mother was a perfectionist and very compulsive… every thing had a place and nothing was ever messy. Nothing was ever out of order. Our home was perfect and immaculately clean.
We were not happy though so the trade off was not so ‘good.’
In time I realized in order to have a peaceful happy home I would have to lower the standards. I realized that perfectionism is a strain on relationships and can hinder a peaceful home. (Admitting that sometimes the standards have really lowered to a messy state at times)
The illusion of control is also a big one. When one is raised in a ‘home’ that is unsafe or in today’s lingo dysfunctional the one thing that is needed is control and order. I still have to have some sort of control in some things. It is not easy for me to step back and say ‘ok you do it’…
maybe it is a trust issue maybe it is just a process that will always be with me and a part of who I am.
In order for me to feel safe I have to have some sort of order in my day and some sort of ‘idea’ of what is happening around me.
When the illusion is formed that ‘I can be in control and I can handle all this’ it is exhausting to one’s soul. The most peaceful process is realizing “you are not in control and you never will be.”
When I finally grasped that… it was like a big sigh of relief. There are few things I am actually in control of and that is good.
God is in Control of our lives and what is given to us is what HE feels we can handle.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed or over loaded with too many ‘things’?
Take a break and evaluate what is causing all the chaos in side the ‘over whelmed feeling’.
Is it comparison to others that you or your life can’t or don’t match up?
Is it perfectionism that cannot be quenched or managed and that is why you are tired?
Is it the need to be in control when you can’t be and shouldn’t be?
I ask these questions for myself as well as those who are reading this.
Something new for us to think about.
The questions for each of us to ask:
What is keeping us from God and all that He wants us to become
and how can we be more open to what that process will look like for us.
by Sharon O | Oct 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
This turtle was given to me by someone when I was a little girl. I have kept him for a lot of years and he has survived many moves and many changes. I remember at one point in time I named him Herman. Why? who knows maybe from the Herman Hermit show? (they were a singing group in the 60’s) When I first showed this to my grand daughter Faith she didn’t like him she said ‘who would give you a sad turtle?’ from a little girl that was a profound question because who would give a little person a sad turtle? The answer has never come I don’t know where he came from or who gave him to me just know he has always been here.
This little dolly is another ‘child hood’ collectible. She has never had any clothes on and she is always smiling the silly smile. Kind of reminds me of Lucy on Charlie Brown. I have no clue where she came from either just know she has been a part of ‘life’ for many years. I let the grand kids play with her since she is not really breakable. The little one I babysit loves to pack her around because she is small and easy to carry.
I find it interesting that I would have a very sad turtle and a silly smiling doll. Kind of makes you wonder how ‘crazy making’ our lives were back then.
These are just a few of my ‘collectibles’ from the past. I am sure I will find more.
God is challenging me to ‘explore’ many things these days and as I continue the path to ‘de-cluttering’ I am sure more will surface. For now my turtle will go back in the bedroom and the dolly back in the toy box.
Do you have a special toy or book from childhood?
A special doll or teddy bear?
Just something to think about.
by Sharon O | Oct 7, 2010 | Uncategorized
Continuing on our topic of simplicity from the Selah conference.
The speaker said, “Ladies a seed has to die so it can grow.” Your collectible self must die down and allow something else to mature. Meaning our need for order and space must be the final end result from the purging and cleaning process. She said, “It is a process that cannot have shortcuts. In order for you to have a de-cluttered home and space that is free the desire for more stuff has to die and be put in its rightful place.” (this is not a direct quote I often say things need to be put in their rightful place)
All this has led me to think about and question whether there is a real meaning behind my different collections. This tea dessert set was given to me by my grandmother. She had a set of six royal doulton Old Country Rose dessert plates and she asked me if I wanted them. Of course our house is decorated in a rose theme and these were beautiful and they were hers and when she asked me I said YES. This particular set is not made any more. When it was time for us to purchase china which was a wish of mine for holidays we stayed in the same theme of these dishes instead of having a hodge podge collection. The final count in the china hutch is a set of 16 thinking that each ‘child’ would get a service of 8 if something were to happen to me or us. If you know anything about this collection it is not cheap. Most were purchased on sale… some were not. There are creamers, gravy boats, platters and even salt and pepper shakers for the table has to be complete when set for the holidays. This is my first example of an emotional collection I could come up with as I process this topic of collecting. The speaker asked us to search out the reasons why we collect the ‘stuff’ and explore the emotional attachments to them. The emotional attachment is: grandma gave them to me. I have very few keepsakes from her so this is an important keepsake ‘collection’ to hold onto. When I told grandma what we did after we purchased more to match the set she gave us she became very angry saying, “If I knew you were going to spend that much money on a plate I would never have given them to you.” The question after she blasted me with the words was ‘why would it matter to her?’ I chose to purchase more.
It was not about grandma’s gift it was about me.
The speaker said, “Ladies your soul growth begins when you actively embrace yourself. Who you are and who you want to become.” She said, “Real control is knowing who is at the center. When we let God intercede and bring order into our lives everything will fall into place.”
The key is to know why you collect and what is behind the collections. She said, “It is a prayer of healing, life change, reorder, surrender, obedience and love.” I will continue to press forward in the topic of collections for a short season and as I do is it ok to ask for prayer in this process?
This may become more emotional than originally intended.
by Sharon O | Oct 5, 2010 | Uncategorized
Continuing on the last writing about the Selah conference I attended two weekends ago.
The one about Simplicity and discovering that less is really more.
One of the things the speaker talked about was how one has to change their thinking before one can change behavior.
When it comes to collectibles and things to go through she said, ‘It is not about stuff’.
It is deeper.
She said ‘de-cluttering’ needs to be a lifestyle not an activity for the day or week.
It is something you continually work on, it is not something you tell yourself,
‘I will arrive someday’.
I certainly have said many times, “when I get this closet cleaned out, or this messy spare room clean…. then peace will take place” or my sense of accomplishment will be finished or…whatever I might add to the ‘final goal’.
She said, “Ladies if you think you will arrive you will be disappointed.” She said, “It is a new habit of order not disorder. It is growth in the process of action. It is not blame or bad self talk it is investing in yourself… your peaceful place and your calm home.”
She said, “In order for you to de-clog the clog you have to be a student of yourself.”
Learning how or why you keep and not throw away or give away is critical to this process. She said, “The patterns of your life are the issue not necessarily the stuff.” She said, “Ladies you can put behind you what doesn’t deserve you.” Whether that be a pile of books you have wanted to read, or that sewing that never gets done or that clutter than never gets removed.
It is the process of reprogramming faulty thinking.
She said, “The process of taking back spaces and changing a room, is about order. It is about taking back your life.”
She said, “Let your environment serve you not enslave you.”
The first thing is to make room for what matters.
Then the rest needs to leave. Purge. Clean and remove. Give it away and remove it before you change your mind. In the process of removing and cleaning pay attention to the triggers surrounding the process. The triggers are very important as they teach us what is really behind the collecting.
My counselor said it is about attachment.
The speaker said there are three programs of life management we all work from:
i am what i have
i am what i do
i am what others say about me
Can I ask you today which question fits for you?
Let us encourage each other in this new process of simplifying our lives as we press forward to a new direction of freedom.
