by Sharon O | Nov 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
Jeremiah 31:3
The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”
Hebrews 13:5b
God has said,
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Can you hear the promises from God to you?
This was a deep question I asked myself…
when we were sitting in a marriage retreat by John and Staci Eldredge.
Because of my ‘childhood’ and the abandonment issues.
I brought into our marriage as a young bride the ‘agreement’ in my heart…
‘no one will hurt me again.’
If my walls were high enough and my heart was shut off tight enough…
no one could enter and no one could cause hurt.
I went into the marriage with the ‘knowing deeply embedded inside my heart’…
that I was not important and I didn’t matter and in that knowing…
I made an agreement to believe…
‘what was really not true in this relationship.’
Even so… the lie continued to reinforce itself.
As my husband and I were sharing after the retreat a feeling many years ago on our first anniversary came forward for me.
I was pregnant and sitting in a sparsely furnished apartment while he worked over time.
There was no ‘dinner’ out that night. Although I do believe we did go out on a different day.
I wanted it to be our day and to feel special and it wasn’t.
I was sick and nauseated and
I was emotional…
and I was feeling non important.
The lesson replaying itself … if you really were important to him he would not be working overtime.
you are alone…you have always been alone.
We talked about that and in the frame reference from where we are now…
and it would not ever happen. If it was an important day…
work would wait.
But when you are a young person you only ‘see’ the paycheck with the over time on it…
you don’t see or feel or even think about the feelings surrounding that decision.
The opportunity for the enemy to come alongside and speak his lies…
was there… it was a prime event for him.
John said, “In relationships… interpretation needs time”.
Listen to the self talk.
Pay attention and listen to what is happening inside you.
He said, “Pain is the enemies playground for agreements, when you are in pain you are most vulnerable to the enemy and his tactics.”
As I sat alone in the sparsely furnished living room on our first anniversary night.
I told myself… “see… I knew I was not important… I know it doesn’t matter if it is our anniversary… work is more important.” The agreement I made that night set our ‘relationship’ up with the message any time he said, “I would like to go hunting, I would like to go fishing…” my internal interpretation was…
“I need time away from you and this is my way of doing it.”
That really wasn’t the truth of what was happening but because I had placed a filter around the agreement. I could only interpret his leaving as ‘you are not important enough for me to stay.’
This is more important to me.
I have learned a lot in the last 37 years.
Each of us brought in to the relationship baggage from our past.
My big one was abandonment.
As I grew closer to God I realized my husband did love me.
My husband did not purposely choose to hurt me.
We were young. We didn’t know. We both made decisions out of immaturity.
We have worked hard and we made it and it is good.
The promises above… I have loved you…I have drawn you…
I will not ever leave you…*a commentary said the verse really means never never never never never…five times… to get the point across.*
That is a lot of never’s.
I challenge each of us today to ask God to show you what kind of agreements you have made in your marriage if you are married… if not what personal agreements have you made about yourself or other relationships.
John said, “if it doesn’t feel risky it is not love.”
For love risks… to love deeply.
He said, “Your marriage will have rough waters, and deep turbulence, you will have pain and crisis moments, how you handle them as a couple will determine the strength you have in the relationship.” He says, “You live in a brutal war and the enemy does not want you strong and united.” He will whisper accusations to you just so you can replay the, “See I told you so moments.” (boy did we ever have some stretching moments in 37 years) John said,
“You must guard your relationship.
Watch your heart. Take note of your attitude towards each other and pray.”
John said “God is always after deeper healing~ deeper character building~ deeper transparency.”
He also said, “When the storms come… and they will…you must have an anchor to hold onto.”
Do you have an anchor… who loves you deeply and won’t ever leave you?
Take hold of it and cling tightly to the one who keeps you stable.
You cannot drift far if you allow Him to love you and keep you in a safe place.
by Sharon O | Nov 8, 2010 | Uncategorized
Our Pastor yesterday was sharing with us as he continued the topic of ‘knowing Jesus’.
A few more of the attributes of Jesus we don’t often think about are Grace and Justice.
He was full of grace, and compassion, and kindness and forgiveness.
He was also full of Justice for He was fully God and could not tolerate sin and evil.
Pastor said, “If you read the interactions of Jesus He deals with women much differently than He deals with the men.” The reason for that was the fact that women were low in status and had little value in that culture. They were devalued and when he ministered to them he collided with the theology of the day. (And he knew that)
He saw they had value.
He saw they were needing His touch and He saw they were searching from their heart.
That brought great chaos to the leaders of the day for He was not supposed to talk to women or heal them (remember the woman who grabbed the end of his garment?) Women were valued in the presence of Jesus and that made the rulers of the day upset with him.
In John 8:2-10 Pastor said Jesus was ambushed into a situation so that the leaders of the day would see what Jesus would do and build their case against him.
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts; where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and ask her, “Woman, where are they? no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” (Pastor said there should be a question mark there because in reality the only one who stood there without sin was Jesus and he could have thrown the stone at her and he knew that)
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
GRACE…was shown to her.
The leaders of the day wanted to ambush Jesus into judging her and in the process they became the judged. Jesus declared the truth to them and he revealed to them their hearts intention of judgement. They had to have set her up in order for them to know she was in adultery so they were more guilty than she was to catch her in the act. Just as they set Jesus up they set her up too. Pastor said, “Jesus was teaching and all of a sudden in walked these men dragging a half dressed woman wrapped in bed sheets caught in the act.” How would they know without being a part of it?
Pastor said, “Don’t we wish we could know what he wrote? It must have been revealing enough for all of them to leave.” Jesus exposed their hearts of stone and condemned the ones who were accusing. Did he write down specific names… did he write down specific sins only those who read would know about? They left…one by one.
They left…one by one… which tells me he dealt with each heart individully.
Grace was shown to the woman standing near him in a bed cloth…
transparent with her shame exposed. Grace was shown to her heart.
Grace mixed with love was shown to her with compassion. Jesus said, “leave and not only leave here but leave the life you have been living. You don’t need to live that way.”
Justice was when Jesus found the temple being used wrongfully in the selling of animals and exchanging of money. Jesus was angered and drove them out removing them with force and strength. In John 2:13-20 He was God refining and cleaning out the ones who were abusing the temple for wrong purposes. He made a whip and used his anger… the anger of God against sin and forced them out of the temple. (Pastor said, “I don’t think he used his inside voice.”)
Jesus was not just a quiet gentle person.
He was God full of Grace and Justice and He used His power when He needed to.
The ending question was this:
What part of your life do you need refined and cleaned by a grace filled powerful God full of justice and strength?
Pastor said, “Jesus became the voice for the voiceless.”
The women of the ‘day’ had no voice. They had no purpose and no value. Jesus did not stay within that law he stayed within the soul searching God laws that asked questions.
Questions of the heart.
He showed compassion when it was against the rule of the day.
He challenged those who challenged him and gently cared for those who sought him out.
He was an advocate and a Judge.
Will you also make him your Lord and Savior so he can gracefully move into your heart and show you what needs to be refined and cleaned?
This is just a little something to think about today.
God in His Holiness was gentle enough to have grace towards a women standing before him in shame wrapped in a bed sheet.
What are we wrapped in?
by Sharon O | Nov 8, 2010 | Uncategorized
We went to a marriage seminar this weekend.
It was good, it was challenging, it was thought provoking and it brought a bit of tears.
The whole topic was heavy and good.
It will take me a few days to process it all.
I will share in a few days the ‘whole idea’ of the seminar.
For now I think I will just wish you a good week.
I pray it is a good one for you.
I pray that you will feel blessed and rested.
God bless you as you press in and ask him to give you a restful renewed heart
and a spirit within you that is ready for worship.
Blessings to you on a new week ahead.
by Sharon O | Nov 3, 2010 | Uncategorized
Tender words, gentle touch, and a good cup of coffee,
And someone that loves me and wants me to stay;
Hold them near while they are here,
and don’t wait for tomorrow.
To look back and wish for today.
We have this moment to hold in our hands,
And to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday’s gone, and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today. ~ Bill Gaither
Thirty Seven years ago November 3rd, 1973.
We were young and not really knowing what we were getting ourselves into.
God was with us and He followed us through times that were good and times that were not so good. He protected us from ourselves and our immature growing up years.
When the babies came we did our best and when the sicknesses came we again did our best.
When life threw us one curve after another we again did the best we could do to move forward in the same direction.
We pressed on when didn’t know why or how and we took one step at a time to regroup when we felt so undone and alone. There have been challenges and through them all…
God has been with us deepening our commitment and our love and faith in the journey together.
Now in the autumn part of our lives… I pray He will continue to be with us as we grow through the wonderful privilege of being grandparents and as we pass the torch of faith and love to those who walk behind us.
We have this moment… We have this moment in time…before it slips by us like grains of sand… to say to each other…
Happy Anniversary and I am glad we made this journey together.
May we cherish each day and Thank God for giving us this gift of marriage.
As I am often reminded…”Remember we are supposed to grow old together.”
by Sharon O | Nov 1, 2010 | Uncategorized
November 1st.
The beginning of a new month and a new season…
it’s a time of giving thanks and pulling our hearts into a new direction.
Thanksgiving when I was growing up was actually a very special day.
In the midst of the chaos of a strange and distant home we always knew that thanksgiving was at our grandma’s house. Actually it was grandma and grandpa’s house but he was often a silent figure sitting in his upholstered rocker swivel chair next to the side table holding his coffee or snacks.
For many years grandma did all the shopping cooking and preparing.
She would shop for days and make sure all the food was ready for cooking.
The dining room table decorated with china and crystal goblets along with fancy napkins and other accessories that went along with a beautiful table. Usually there would be a wonderful fresh flower arrangement and candles near by.
I will always remember how the multi colored lighting reflected off the dining room light making the ceiling a kaleidoscope of beauty and color.
As little girls we would anticipate the day at grandma’s.
Starting our day watching the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade on the console tv. Then prepping ourselves with showers or baths and setting out nice clothes for it was not a day for jeans… it was a day for pretty outfits and hair done. (I still remember the pink foam rollers wrapped around forming curls in my very straight hair).
I will always remember the china and the crystal and the forks and spoons ‘just for’ the pickles olives and cranberries. The turkey would cook and the potatoes would boil and grandma would stir and cut and prep the olives and pickles and we would gather in the kitchen and the guys would gather in the living room. There was always ladies chatter and men’s chatter not really saying much in the process.
It is funny now for me to think back because even though the dinner was fancy and proper and wonderfully made. The conversation was ‘stilted’ and maybe not even real. As children we didn’t really know that but later as the years moved on it became more true that the tradition was just that…
dinner at grandma’s.
Not a family reunion of warmth and love.
I am not saying we didn’t love each other, it was different. It was more out of obligation than wanting to be there in a warm and welcoming setting.
In the home my husband and I have made our thanksgiving is just as fancy.
That was a rule I brought into the relationship… that holidays were to be special.
A time for celebration and remembering.
We serve on china and crystal and with matching assorted plates and bowls, we have cloth napkins matching the cloth tablecloths. It is a tradition of beauty captured by my grandma and passed down from me to our children.
The difference is the conversation and the mood.
We thank God for the beauty and the bounty and the children’s voices and the hum of soft music. We are thankful for life is truly a gift for us to enjoy and give out.
We are thankful as we look upon the faces connected to us by family history.
I remain thankful for grandma’s traditional beautiful table setting and all that she showed me.
Even the lesson to ask and listen and ask more and listen deeper.
For in the faces of family and through the blessing of the meal…
we will join our hearts together.
I pray this November will be… for new traditions… new love and new life.
What do you pray for?
