by Sharon O | Sep 7, 2013 | Uncategorized
Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.
I remember how she used to sit at the top of the stairs and meow loudly looking for me.
I would say ‘Smudgie’ and head up stairs and she would run to the computer chair and wait for me.
It is very empty without her presence.
There is something about a purring warm fuzzy body next to me
as I write.
She would nudge me… and want to be petted.
She liked her treats. Just because. I didn’t worry about her weight.
The couch was a favorite place for her to sit and rest.
She loved to be right where we were sitting.
When we moved the couch out she stayed upstairs most of the time.
I missed her way before she was even gone.
My little one said to me “Smudge is in kitty heaven and she will be alright and happy.”
Yes she will be.
I am just remembering those sweet times.
Sixteen years is a long time and I wasn’t really ready to say goodbye but I did know we had no choice.
It was the right thing to do.
It doesn’t make it any easier especially when I am
remembering some moments at the end of the week.
by Sharon O | Sep 4, 2013 | Uncategorized
Today I said good bye to my buddy.
She was my computer chair warmer.
I had to sit next to her as she wouldn’t really move if it was time for me to write.
We would share the chair.
She would purr and purr and then put her paw on my leg wanting to be petted.
She would lay her head against my ribs and just sit… with me.
She would be so patient… until it was time for me leave then she could stretch out and take the full warm chair for her sleep.
Her name was Smudge. A tortoise shell calico and her age was 16. 1997-2013
She weighed 10 pounds 6 oz today. A small old lady.
She was very loved and will be deeply missed.
When I couldn’t find her I would look on the computer chair, or the dining room chair or when we had a couch she would be on the corner of the top of the couch.
She was never outside.
Years ago I worked at an aviation company and one of the ladies there had a new batch of kittens.
I told my husband about them and about the picture she showed me.
He sort of ignored me.
I already had a large black kitty who was about age one at the time and two dogs.
He just didn’t think I would bring another one in the home.
SO he said, “you don’t need another cat”.
Really? She came home with me the next day.
She was the size of a tea cup and when he held her in his lap.
He named her Smudge.
She was as I have always said ‘MY perfect child.’
She never did anything wrong. Even in her senior years she would sometimes get sick on the floor but nothing overly terrible.
The vet said she had congestive heart failure and maybe a tumor and there was nothing he could recommend for her other than to let her pass away in peace.
He said no antibiotics would work as she was very sick.
So they gave her a calming shot and she quickly laid down on the table.
I petted her and he gave her the last ‘sleeping shot’.
It was peaceful. Incredibly hard. I petted her and cried.
I knew I had to say goodbye. Touching her for the last time.
She is peaceful now.
The house is quiet. I am deeply saddened.
It is a deep loss for me.
Good bye miss Smudge may you always know we loved you.
by Sharon O | Aug 28, 2013 | Uncategorized
If someone would have told me my heart would expand
to love more than my two children
I am not sure I would have believed them
But when those two children had three children of their own
my heart was filled to over flowing love and joy and wonderment and adoration and praise.
We started our life as grandparents with one
then one became three
then three became six and
now we are so incredibly blessed to know and love each one of them.
Each are different. Each are individual. Each are unique.
Even the twins are very different from each other.
If someone would have told us that having each one of these precious little people would add to our family in ways that we could ever imagine.
Would I have believed them? 
Would I have believed them if they told me my daughter would have three daughters
and two would be identical twins?
OR my son would have three sons?
If someone would have told me that being a grandparent is the most precious, most rewarding, most exhausting, most challenging and the most reason to pray.
Would I have believed them?
by Sharon O | Aug 20, 2013 | Uncategorized
I went to visit my parents this weekend.
Dad is stable but definitely not well.
Mom is reviving a bit.
It is strange and sad and surreal to see your parents old and needing care.
I often wonder
what will happen to me when I am that age.
Will there be foster homes who are good and take good care of seniors.
They say the new 60 is 40 and will we get younger as we age and eventually be
out of our minds before our bodies leave?
Or out of our bodies before our minds leave?
Which is worse?
To know… your legs don’t work…
Your hands don’t work.
Your ability to feed yourself is gone or even go to the restroom alone is gone.
Which is worse?
To have your mind able and your body not so strong?
Or your body able and your mind not remembering what should be?
Growing old is hard.
It is painful.
It is a walk of quiet words and gentle reminders from those who do the caring.
It is a giving when you want to not give any more.
From the care givers…
It is anger not shared… or sometimes shared when it shouldn’t be.
It is a gentle reminder that we all need compassion and caring and
patience and kindness.
When our real feelings are to scream and say, “do you not hear me?”
It is a gentle reminder for us.
That we all will be in this place someday.
And when we get there we can only hope and only pray that someone
will care enough
to speak for us when we are not able to speak for ourselves.
That there will be someone stronger in mind and spirit than our ‘situation’ and who will not be afraid to say
this is not working.
This needs to change.
I wonder… when the time comes will someone have a voice when I don’t?
It is a reasonable question.
