by Sharon O | Sep 16, 2013 | Uncategorized
My dad is very ill.
I sit in his hospital room and watch him labor with every breath.
His voice small and raspy as he has very little air supply.
The IV needle poked into thin arms makes me hurt just looking at it.
His skin so transparent like parchment paper bruised and blackened
I prayed the tape would not hurt him more.
His cough is deep as the infection rattles around in his chest.
Time will tell if the medications will give him a few more weeks.
We know in our hearts we are not talking about months.
We are in a waiting room.
We have been here before when my husbands mom couldn’t fight the pancreatic cancer.
We have been here before when my husbands dad couldn’t fight the heart infection.
This waiting room is different for everyone.
Some people talk and talk and talk as if to they can cover the pain of their hurting hearts.
Some people go inward and reflect on things of long ago.
I am an observer.
Stepping back and watching, recording in my mind and remembering.
When my husbands mom was on hospice and her death was becoming very close I observed and wrote what I saw so others could read it later when their hearts were ready to receive.
When my husbands dad passed away I was also observing but not recording as much.
It is a different journey for everyone.
At some point in time we will all need to spend time in this waiting room.
Much like labor when a baby is born.
The anticipation and room full of emotions vary from person to person.
The death process is something we cannot rush.
As every breath becomes more difficult and every word is whispered.
We realize a life is passing before us.
It is a giving up of oneself and giving in.
It is realizing the fight is over.
My dad is very ill and this time is precious and sacred.
Will we have the strength to say good bye?
It is a question only those of us can answer
as we remain in this waiting room.
by Sharon O | Sep 12, 2013 | Uncategorized
I remember it was morning.
It seems like it was breakfast time around nine am.
Coffee was brewing and the eggs cooking with the smell of hot toast in the air.
The station on TV was interrupted as pictures covered the screen with trauma and pain.
I stood in shock. Disbelief.
Then I called my husband at work and told him there had been attacks.
It was awful.
Devastating.
Horrible and very hard to believe.
My grand daughter was little and normally watching her little shows
but on this day I had to listen and find out what happened.
I did not turn Cat in the Hat back on
my mind could not listen to mindless chatter.
I remember again looking at the screen as the towers crumbled like tissue paper.
Tumbling down. IN a heap of dust and debris.
People running everywhere and screaming and praying and dying.
I was glad my grand daughter was little at the time and not able to comprehend
what was taking place in real time before her eyes.
I had a knot in my throat and stomach all day long.
I couldn’t help but think about people going to work as if it was a normal day.
The mom’s and dad’s speaking orders to kids who were used to doing
what was being told in the morning so they could be where they needed to be on time.
Routines taking place.
The same ones over and over every day.
Then
The clock stopped.
Time stood still and frozen.
In a heap of knarled metal and broken glass the towers fell.
People stood in silence covering their mouths and their eyes from what was before them.
I even imagine the ones who never prayed.
Prayed on this day.
It was September 11th the day the world was silent.
The day our United States was under attack.
The day we all prayed, “God please be with America.”
by Sharon O | Sep 9, 2013 | Uncategorized
I so often don’t understand life at times.
I trust in a God who walks beside me and I also trust in a God who loves me
deeply and without question.
I trust in His character because the word of God is true and believable.
He has remained faithful as the stories of old tells us over and over.
This I believe:
He allows hard times in our lives to give us opportunity to grow
to press on and to stretch and
to prove to ourselves that we can do it.
He allows life’s consequences to give us the answer no at times
so we can in turn trust him
deeper and with much more intensity.
He allows circumstances to challenge our inner character and strength
so we can have confidence and empowerment in ourselves.
Nothing we do or nothing that happens is by accident.
Yes at times we make bad mistakes because we didn’t think.
He allows that.
Just like a parent will allow a child to fall knowing full well that
we will be there to help them up
if they allow us.
God is just like that.
He is there waiting for us and He is reaching down to help us.
But we do have to ask.
Deliberate means:
carefully weighed or considered. careful or slow in deciding.
slow and unhurried movement.
to think carefully or attentively or consult formally.
Notice how many times it says ‘careful?’.
I often don’t understand all that takes place in our lives
but one thing I do know
God does not make errors.
He is always looking out for our best interest
even when we don’t understand or like the consequences sometimes.
Faith is trusting and having confidence in God
because we know His character.
by Sharon O | Sep 7, 2013 | Uncategorized
My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.
My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him;
for my hope and expectation are from Him.
I must calm down and turn to God; He is my only hope.
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
Patiently wait for God alone, my soul!
For He is the one who gives me confidence.
I find rest in God; only He gives me hope.
Silence
A quiet gentle place.
Stillness and peaceful.
Anticipation of rest and slowing down for my soul.
It doesn’t matter what version I read of this verse
the same promise is repeated over and over for me.
I have great assurance that I am not alone.
{do not know whose picture this is I found it on pinterest and it spoke to my heart so deeply I wanted to share it. If it belongs to anyone reading this I hope I have permission to use it.}
