by Sharon O | Apr 13, 2013 | Uncategorized
This week I had what I would call one of my first panic attacks.
I have felt something like it before but not at a speed of fifty five miles per hour driving down a road with dilated eyes.
I had spend two hours in a eye doctor’s office where he did testing and testing and then more testing.
Not expecting to spend so long I went there with a small amount of breakfast and one cup of coffee thinking I would finish my ‘meal’ when I got home.
That did not happen.
After all the testing he said “are you going anywhere?”
I said no I am just heading for home.
Then he put drops in my eyes to dilate them for one more test.
He found a small amount of pressure in my eyes of which he could not figure out the reason why.
When it was time to leave and head for home I felt a wave of intensity as I was watching the world go around me in a whirl.
Taking driving to a whole new level I felt the need to get off the road as fast as I could.
I pulled into a JC Penney’s parking lot and went into the store.
Walking around as if in a dazed state and wondering if I looked normal or not I made casual talk with the young lady who kept asking me if I needed help.
(I thought to myself what help I need you can’t give me)
After what seemed like a good thirty minutes I got back into my car and began to drive again.
Like a rush of wind the panic came back again.
I rolled down my car window, turned off the radio and felt I had to get off the road before a bad wreck happened.
Pulling off into an RV sales place I sat in the car for another fifteen minutes.
I breathed deep breaths and talked to myself trying everything I could to calm my panic down.
It finally felt safe to begin to drive again.
I do not remember half the drive home.
It was very nice to finally arrive in my driveway.
The fourteen mile drive was intense and filled with great anxiety.
Will not ever do that again any time in the near future.
The new glasses look good and the soup I made for lunch tasted great.
I acquired a new sense of gratitude for being home in a safe place.
If this was my first panic attack it was not fun or entertaining.
It scared me and it filled me with anxiety.
I also have a new sense of the dangers of driving after a long morning of testing too.
by Sharon O | Apr 7, 2013 | Uncategorized
A black walnut and an English walnut
A definite sign of two living in one
A strong and ageless tree
Amazing picture taken by my daughter Sarah.
“That by two immutable
(unchangeable and changeless-
unchanging through time. unalterable, ageless) things
in which it is impossible for God to lie,
we may have a strong encouragement,
who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.”
Hebrews 6:18
(I saw this as a powerful example for us to see the divided line we all live within ourselves.)
I love word pictures God so often gives us.
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem with the Sunday community.
by Sharon O | Apr 6, 2013 | Uncategorized
Write for five minutes without editing and then publish with no looking back.
I will try once more to do this challenge the weeks word is ‘After’.
 |
| After
After the day was over
and we heard the news that he was gone
it was hard.
It was peaceful.
It was strange.
It was a surreal moment for everyone.
what do you say and how does one react?
some in tears.
some just numb.
We stood in the room with no sound between us.
Just silence.
Then a few made phone calls telling others it was over.
We thanked the nurses and the doctors and papers were signed.
I am one who lingers a bit.
I am also one who wonders where they will take him and how.
my mind races with many questions and yes I can’t answer any of them.
It is perfectly right and reasonable to grieve a loss of a loved one.
I am sure those who missed Jesus did the same.
HE was gone.
He was no longer the one they followed.
He had promised them life everlasting and hope and a future
and it was over. finalized and ended.
They could not see or understand that the end was the beginning of a promise.
We miss our dad who we loved just as the followers missed Jesus.
We know dad is in a peaceful place and we also know for now
Jesus is there.
Can you even imagine?
Standing next to him.
Sitting close and perhaps listening to his words and his voice and his vision.
We wish for that now sometimes.
We wish for dad to return but really we wouldn’t want him to return.
He is with his loved one, mom and his oldest son and that is good.
What we do after it is over is a choice we all make.
We can be bitter and angry or we can be filled with peace and comfort.
It ultimately is our choice.
——
End of writing.
I have to say after the writing was over I really don’t believe anyone in our family is bitter or angry over dad’s passing.
We miss him a lot.
Anytime there is a death there is always many emotions that go with the news.
I was just writing and perhaps for some those feelings are true depending on the circumstance and timing of a loved ones death. |
by Sharon O | Apr 4, 2013 | Uncategorized
So often when we loose a loved one
throughout the day we remember special things about them.
The way they walked, or laughed, or said prayers, or sang.
We remember with sadness and also with love in our heart
because of who they were and how much they meant to us.
We wish so much we could hear their voice again or look into their eyes or take them for a drive.
We remember and keep those memories close to us.
It is all a part of saying goodbye to someone we love.
I was wondering during the Easter season if the ones who loved Jesus felt the same way.
They walked with him. They shared meals with him.
They heard his laugh and his concerns, heard his prayers and experienced his power.
They knew without a shadow of a doubt he could heal or change the seas or speak demons away from ones who were tormented.
They didn’t always understand or believe him at the time but they knew
he had the potential to change things as he often did when it was necessary.
They knew and experienced who he was and I am sure
when the last week of his life came and went
like those of us who have lost a loved one
I imagine they walked the streets in shock.
How could he be with us one day and then be gone?
It is a normal question and very real and rational.
Jesus tried to warn them but they could not really understand what he was telling them.
On the day they saw the rulers take him away and beat him and then they saw him on the cross
it perhaps began to make sense but then they also saw him die.
It was over.
They had heard the women weeping at the foot of the cross.
Hope had turned into hopeless and they were left empty without a purpose.
Their grief and disbelief became a vital part of the story for them.
Many of them had left family and jobs to follow him and now they had nothing.
I am sure in the dark of the night they remembered his words.
They remembered his tenderness.
They remembered his love for them.
They could hear his voice and how he said their name.
In the quiet of the moments it is when we spend time remembering
the many things about those who we love when they leave us.
I was just wondering during the Easter season about so many things.
It’s kind of like that when we remember.
by Sharon O | Mar 29, 2013 | Uncategorized
ON This Easter week…
I pray we can stand before the crosses and raise our hands…
IN worship.
It is because of the cross we have hope.
It is because of the cross we have peace.
It is because of the cross we have life to the fullest.
Only through the cross we have life eternal everlasting and on going.
Thank you God…
for loving us so much that you gave your only son.
A SON you loved so much…
SO that when we believe in you and Him.
We will not die forever we will have ever lasting life.
Thank you God.
John 3:16
by Sharon O | Mar 27, 2013 | Uncategorized
On Sunday we said good bye for a final time to my husbands dad.
He was a dad to all of us.
He was 90 years and six months old exactly.
His heart was tired and it was time to go home.
It has been a journey since mom died three year ago.
She wanted the ‘children’ to take care of him and they did their best to do that and honor her wish.
He was loved by many who knew him.
He left a legacy of life and hope and compassion and most of all
a love for His God.
He met mom and married her then they had five boys and a daughter then years later they had the joy of meeting many grand children and one great grand child.
They almost made it to 61 years of marriage.
At first it was really hard for him when she left I think it made him feel kind of lost and even a little alone.
They were together on many levels and it was a difficult change for him when she passed.
We said good bye for a final time here on earth but we know that someday we will hear him say.
“what took you so long I have been waiting for you”.
Dad O you were loved and respected and we will always remember you and miss the times we spent with you.
You are finally together in a wonderful reunion …
on palm Sunday 2013.
