This week I had what I would call one of my first panic attacks.
I have felt something like it before but not at a speed of fifty five miles per hour driving down a road with dilated eyes.
I had spend two hours in a eye doctor’s office where he did testing and testing and then more testing.
Not expecting to spend so long I went there with a small amount of breakfast and one cup of coffee thinking I would finish my ‘meal’ when I got home.
That did not happen.
After all the testing he said “are you going anywhere?”
I said no I am just heading for home.
Then he put drops in my eyes to dilate them for one more test.
He found a small amount of pressure in my eyes of which he could not figure out the reason why.
When it was time to leave and head for home I felt a wave of intensity as I was watching the world go around me in a whirl.
Taking driving to a whole new level I felt the need to get off the road as fast as I could.
I pulled into a JC Penney’s parking lot and went into the store.
Walking around as if in a dazed state and wondering if I looked normal or not I made casual talk with the young lady who kept asking me if I needed help.
(I thought to myself what help I need you can’t give me)
After what seemed like a good thirty minutes I got back into my car and began to drive again.
Like a rush of wind the panic came back again.
I rolled down my car window, turned off the radio and felt I had to get off the road before a bad wreck happened.
Pulling off into an RV sales place I sat in the car for another fifteen minutes.
I breathed deep breaths and talked to myself trying everything I could to calm my panic down.
It finally felt safe to begin to drive again.
I do not remember half the drive home.
It was very nice to finally arrive in my driveway.
The fourteen mile drive was intense and filled with great anxiety.
Will not ever do that again any time in the near future.
The new glasses look good and the soup I made for lunch tasted great.
I acquired a new sense of gratitude for being home in a safe place.
If this was my first panic attack it was not fun or entertaining.
It scared me and it filled me with anxiety.
I also have a new sense of the dangers of driving after a long morning of testing too.