by Sharon O | Aug 14, 2010 | Uncategorized
Continuing from my last writing…
The serenity prayer had an original writing that was more detailed than the short version.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen
Then there was another FULL original copy of the Serenity Prayer
by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with you forever in the next.
Amen.
The other edited version:
O God and Heavenly Father,
Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; the courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
Reinhold Niebuhr’s daughter, Elisabeth Sifton, wrote a book about her father’s famous serenity prayer entitled, The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War.
The prayer has been printed on small cards and given out to soldiers on the battle field and also in alcoholics anonymous groups.
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I think we all can say this prayer as we deal with life’s many difficulties.
Many times there are things we cannot change, people we cannot change or circumstances we have no control over.
Through that process we are asking…Lord God…
give us wisdom…
as we realize and accept what can be changed and what cannot.
Help us to ‘let go’ as we know the difference…
and be at peace with it.
by Sharon O | Aug 11, 2010 | Uncategorized
Yesterday …
I attended a care conference for Mary.
It is not too different than a ‘parent teacher’ meeting when your children are in school. Only the ‘child’ I was receiving a report on is my sister who is 57 and living in an assisted living home.
She is doing well the report said and she is following all the rules. She has aged a lot I see it in her face and in her countenance. She is not the youthful sister I once knew. Her facial features are different and her eyes lack the spark I once knew and have been familiar with. The face without makeup shows wrinkles and scars and she looks much older than her age.
I grieve the old Mary.
She was fun and funny and deep and light hearted and when we shared matters of our hearts it was sweet and real.
She was also a deeply rooted alcoholic. So the funny person who I remember came out of the ‘bottle’… and now that she is no longer there in the same ‘atmosphere’ she is different.
Because I am her power of attorney it places me into a parental role.
I pay her bills and go to all doctor appointments and attend all legal meetings that have to do with her ongoing care. I take her shopping and do other errands and I am her younger sister.
I have been ‘her voice’ for many years and I am noticing now she has one of her own and can say what she wants.
There was a time she could not.
I remind her often in a joking way about when we saved her life.
She doesn’t remember most of it the story is written back in February of this year on this blog site. She doesn’t remember grieving for her husband and she doesn’t remember our grieving for her.
When I see her and look deep into her eyes … I see a ‘person’ wanting a different life and not really being able to find it. My visits with her are not as often as they should be and it is always ‘after the fact’ that my husband and I realize how we should have invited her to go with us to the beach or other family activities.
When her husband died unexpectedly she became a widow and it
changed her life forever and the life they had together ended.
She is alone except for her two daughters who often don’t agree with me on her ‘needed ongoing care.’ For as long as I remember I have been her advocate fighting for her to be safe and in the family and around the family.
When she lived in Arkansas ‘we’ were the ones who brought her home to Oregon.
When she was dying I was the one who insisted the doctor assign her to hospice.
My intention was always to keep her in the family loop and in the family concerns.
Yesterday I attended a care conference. Letting me know that others besides myself care for her and care for her well being. It was a nice meeting and I know there will be many more.
It is a story of sisters who are growing old together and as I see her change and become more healthy and able to take care of herself it shows me how she might not always live in this facility.
Lord God please give me strength in this process of letting go and taking charge as this prayer reminds me:
God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can and
The wisdom to know the difference.
by Sharon O | Aug 10, 2010 | Uncategorized
I sit in the quiet
and I stare at this blank writing page…
this space that normally would voice my thoughts and prayers.
I am numb… and I am feeling…
all at the same time.
I am empty… yet very full…
My stomach in knots throughout the day as
feelings that are foreign to me…
rise to the surface like a dormant volcano
ready to blow its hot and fiery fury.
Sadness has walked with me and also fatigue
my spirit beaten down.
Like David in the psalms…
I wait for the Lord to remove the heaviness that shrouds my heart.
Grief has placed a cover over me like a blanket on a cold day.
There is hope
around the corner but I can’t see it today or feel it…
There is healing too…
but today all I see or feel or react to
is the desire to retreat and rest and reflect on
what I know to be true.
That God will not give me anything I cannot deal with
and if I feel I cannot… HE will give me the strength I need if I ask.
by Sharon O | Aug 7, 2010 | Uncategorized
Along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth…
Isaiah 42:16
Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk.
Psalm 25:4
From the book Whispers of Faith:
When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.
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When we walk with God so many times we have the the opportunity to step off into the darkness and trust.
Through those times when:
Prayers remain unanswered and left hanging into thick heavy space
When:
The phone call that is so anticipated never happens day after day
When:
The mail person never brings the letter we so much want to read
When:
Our Loved one dies in the midst of our deep and earnest cries of prayer for healing
There are paths we all must walk and often we come to an edge
where the question of trust is really the the most important question we can ask ourselves.
Do I … Do we… trust God so much that through our blindness… we see hope given.
Do we dare to ask him for Faith so firm that when we find ourselves on unknown paths and rough places we can trust Him.
We can trust Him to lead us.
When we come to an edge… and feel afraid…
we must take a risk.
To trust… or not…
To take that step of obedience or of faith…
or not.
To believe that GOD is who He is and He is providing a path for our journey and to trust that HE is our solid rescuer.
We are like blind people searching for someone to lead and guide us through the step of obedience.
Even if it is baby steps. Tiny steps toward a new destination… into a new life.
As we walk this path and move from darkness to light may we be ever so thankful that HE is a mighty guide for us always as we choose to move closer to Him and trust in the process He is taking us through.
by Sharon O | Aug 3, 2010 | Uncategorized
I finally figured out part of the reason I was ‘sad’ on Sunday and overly emotional.
Not only were we talking about marriage and relationships and commitments at church.
We realized that Saturday the 31st would have been mom and dad O’s 61st wedding anniversary.
She left us on May 8th 2010.
She fought the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in a strong and determined way.
She had surgery and did chemo and did everything the doctor said to prevent the cancer from getting worse. Her weight loss confirmed it did eventually become worse.
The battle was raging between the reality of the disease and her desire for hope and healing she never really did give up till the very last when she told the doctor, “well I guess if the chemo isn’t working then I don’t have a choice but to wait.”
Their story is a love story.
I have written about it before back in April and a little bit of May.
They met and three weeks later they married and in 60 plus years they made a family and a life together. They has 5 boys and one girl and when she died there were many grandchildren, great grandchildren and one great-great coming soon.
They were a simple married couple who loved each other to the end.
It was a love story between Mom and dad O and I learned a lot by watching them.
I didn’t always understand their ‘family’ or the devotion they all had for mom and dad or for each other.
That would come to me later.
Dad O is almost 88 now and dealing with her loss on a daily basis.
He is sad~He is changed~He is aging.
His life changed when her illness got worse. The day she let go and left us to be with Jesus~dad’s life became different.
He lives with his daughter now. He is adjusting the same way we are all adjusting.
It was a love story of how two people grew in love.
It was a love story of richer and poorer and better and worse.
Till death parted them…It their love story…A story of love… family… acceptance and forgiveness.
It was a story of a mom and a grandma who is deeply missed.
A story to be remembered and stored deeply in our hearts that their example will be valuable to us for this generation and others to come.
It is a story of faith and family and a mom who was determined to share her Lord with everyone who would listen.
We miss you mom…
someday we will be with you again…
and you will hug us into the heavenly place and say,
“welcome home I have been waiting for you.”
