The twelfth word

by Sharon O | May 20, 2014 | Uncategorized

In the series on the basket of words we have been learning about many ‘new’ words and discovering the role they play in a recovery process for someone.
We began with the word courage, then willingness, trust, tenderness, power, balance, change, rest, healing, compassion and play.
Now our twelfth word will be humor.

I know it seems to be a very strange word when dealing with ‘recovery’ and intense life experiences or memories.
When someone is in the recovery process as time moves on for them healing takes away so many hard and difficult feelings.
When those ‘intense feelings leave’ new ones are replaced within the person who is healing.
As they feel safe they begin to realize the real person tucked away inside the one who was hiding.
When I was in therapy and I learned to breathe and relax,
something changed deep inside my spirit.
People began to tell me I was becoming more funny.
It was natural but was also very hidden.
Dictionary.com said:
it is the expressing or perceiving the amusing or comical.
One quote I found said: purely intellectual manifestation of cleverness and quickness
of apprehension in discovering analogies between things,
with sharp observations or remarks.
Basically the quality of being funny.
Another quote by Constance Rourke said it this way:
(which is a bit easier to understand)
An emotional man may possess no humor, but a humorous man
usually has deep pockets of emotion, sometimes tucked away or forgotten.
(I don’t know this lady nor do I know the other person I quoted just liked what they had to say on the subject)
For the person in the process of healing humor can help
in many ways and on many levels.
It has been discovered through research that when we laugh we actually change our chemistry on the cellular level.
It also has been discovered that if cancer patients learn to laugh they sometimes can transform or reduce their ‘cancer cells’ allowing them to heal faster and stronger.
Stress is lightened and we are more healthy when we laugh.
In our growing up years we didn’t laugh very often as there was very little to laugh about.
Therapy opened up that door for me and as I walked into the room
‘of humor’ I realized it was freeing.
To look at life in a not so serious way and see it differently is both challenging and good.
Humor is healing to the soul and also ministers to those around us.
On many occasions I have had people say to me,
“Oh I miss your humor. you always make us laugh.”
Even though it still doesn’t feel natural to me,
I think that it is a very wonderful compliment.
So I challenge you today.
Find a funny movie, a book or a delightful walk and discover humor.
You won’t be sorry, I promise.

I will praise Him…

by Sharon O | May 18, 2014 | Uncategorized

The Lord is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation;
This is my God, and I will praise Him;
My father’s God, and I will extol  him.
Exodus 15:1-3

For the new ‘Sunday community’.

The eleventh word

by Sharon O | May 14, 2014 | Uncategorized

As we once more review the series called basket of words.
We have had the opportunity to learn the meaning of courage, willingness, trust, tenderness, power, balance, change, rest, healing, and compassion.
Now our eleventh word will be: Play

It seems like a strange word to talk about but for someone in recovery from childhood trauma it is critical to be able to lighten up and play and perhaps for the first time not be under such a heavy emotional spirit.
Dictionary.com says: play is a general word for any form of activity, amusement, often undirected random or spontaneous fun.
as opposed to seriousness.
childhood should be a time for play 
During the summer my husband often volunteers for a group called ‘Royal Family kids camp’.
It is a camp for children who are in the foster care system.
(They are always looking for trained counselors to volunteer.) /www.rfkc.org or http://royalfamilykids.org/
For one week they are transported to an undisclosed location and allowed to play and be the children they were meant to be.
On the first day of camp each child is given a handmade quilt that is theirs to take back home with them as a treasured keepsake.
They schedule activities for them which includes water swim time in a pool along with other assorted group sessions.
Then in the middle of the week they have what they call a group ‘birthday party’.
This is very important as some children in very rough homes do not ever get a personal birthday party.
It is something that all children deserve but don’t always receive.
They have a ‘group’ birthday cake and each one gets to participate.
It is a fun time and also a sad time for this is also the day the children realize soon camp will be over.
It is hard for them to think about going back to where they came from and into a more serious setting.
Play is very hard to learn if someone was never allowed to just be a child when growing up.
Children who have had to live in difficult environments tend to carry with them very heavy spirits and lot’s of responsibility.
It is very sad.
Children need time to run and play carefree without worries or concerns.
For the adult who is in recovery learning to be spontaneous sometimes for the first time is very freeing.
They learn to play, color, swing on a swing, or even laugh out loud and be noisy.
I have seen some who have breathed a huge sigh of relief when they finally let go of the heaviness that surrounded them.
Sometimes when one is facing difficult memories or difficult ‘times’ internally they feel guilty when they play or begin to feel joyful.
It becomes an incongruent confused feeling because they feel like they should always have a serious ‘spirit’ around them.
For the adult in recovery from childhood trauma to relearn and live these simple things takes courage.
I found a quote by Anne Cassidy that fits this perfectly and really explains what I have been trying to explore with you:
(I don’t know who this lady is but I like what she said)
“I have begun to appreciate the generational patterns that ripple out from our lives like stones dropped in water, pulsing outward even after we are gone.
Although we have one childhood, we relive it first through our children’s then through our grandchildren’s eyes.”
That is so true.
I have learned through watching the children I can see hope and innocence and the freedom to be little ones.
Not all children have the chance to live a carefree life.
But it is the best ‘choice for all’ of them.
Agatha Christie says it very well when she said,
“One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood.”
I will add for that very reason, our eleventh word is play.
Childhood should be a time for play.

The tenth word

by Sharon O | May 7, 2014 | Uncategorized

A big step for me in my recovery process was to see ‘the child’ as they present themselves and learn to comfort that child in a way I never learned or experienced growing up.
At the time when I was deep in recovery I was also watching my grand daughter who was a premature baby.
It was a blessing on many levels as I could see her as a little one with feelings and needs and if I didn’t listen or pay attention she wouldn’t be heard and her needs would not be met.
I learned what her cries meant.
I learned what she was like when she was uncomfortable.
I learned to pay attention to her.
Growing up in a home that was broken it wasn’t safe to say what you really felt or what you thought you needed.
So as I grew in recovery I had to re-learn the idea of ‘my voice’ and my thoughts as important.
Children are just ‘little people’ who are at the mercy of big people.
Their choices are few. Their voices are not loud.
Often times when we go to a mall or a restaurant I am amazed and saddened at the inconsiderate adults to continue to shop even when it is obvious ‘the little one’ is ready to go home.
It is not the fault of the child if they are over tired, over hungry, uncomfortable or just bored.
It is the responsibility of the parent or the adult to pay attention.
So simple yet so difficult for so many.
It is not the fault of the child if they are only being children.
In the recovery process from abuse issues one has to step back and learn to see the child as they were.
A little five year old made to carry burdens that they were never meant to carry.
A little nine year old forced to grow up and be adult way before they were emotionally ready.
It is critical to see the child and all the vulnerability that comes with childhood and realize the reality for them and what was taken away.
At a very early age I learned and internalized that nothing really mattered, which for me meant
I didn’t matter and I was not important.
In recovery I learned to say ‘I am sorry’ to that little girl who learned that her voice, her worries, her feelings were not important or heard.
I learned compassion and sadness for her.
Growing up in our childhood home we were never asked the question,
“how do you feel about this?”
We didn’t get a choice.
That is why my compassion and heart is for the children.
Adults must choose that the needs of the children are more important than their own needs.
Even when it is not convenient or fun.
Compassion for the children is critical.
Even Jesus said “let the children come” for he knew they had value and voice.
My prayer is for us to be so full of compassion that we will want to listen to the heart of a child.

We sat with you and waited

by Sharon O | May 4, 2014 | Uncategorized

One week ago we said good bye to a very dear friend of ours.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, 
but by the moments that take our breath away.