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Yesterday was Father’s day.
A day I often found as a ‘blank’ for years when I was growing up when I had no dad.
He left when I was young and the day on the calendar was kind of like a ‘sad’ reminder that he wasn’t around.
When I did finally find him in my thirties; it was still interesting for me since we had many years of healing to do.
He was a dad figure that was sort of a mystery to me. We did end up seeing each other within the viewpoints of questions and time.
I found some letters recently of conversations between us. He was not one for small talk or intimate matters of the heart.
That was ok once I learned that was who he was, and not to expect more.
We often get into trouble when we expect more from others based on what we thought we might need from them, rather than what they are comfortable with giving.
I learned dad and I were similar in personality, to a certain point.
When you don’t grow up with someone you have to fill in the blanks later and that is really hard to do.
I would have loved to have him walk me down the aisle when I got married.
I would have loved to have him hold my children and grandchildren, and show he cared.
Those moments never happened.
I believe he cared for his daughters, he just had a certain way of ‘not letting it be known.’
Instead, after many years apart, he remarried my mother and stayed married to her till they both passed away.
The story was full of a simple love between the two of them in their older senior years.
It was a different kind of story, it did bring healing on many levels. I didn’t have to guess where he was, anymore.
I would imagine there was healing and forgiveness between the two of them.
There was relationship and decision making between the two of them.
When it was time for them to move into more of a care setting as they aged, it became more clear to him, that she needed care that he could not give.
It was a choice based on need, not necessarily a heart decision for he was rather independent and didn’t like people in his ‘affairs’.
He passed away before she did. Perhaps he knew she would be cared for in that setting.
One would never know, he was very ill too.
Father’s day is different for me these days. My husband is a Father to our children and papa to our grand children.
My son is Father to his three boys.
Yesterday was Father’s day and I began the day worshipping the ‘Father’ in a spiritual setting called church.
It was good, it was healing and it always brings hope.