Last night as I was going to bed I wondered about those who followed Jesus.
When it was all over.
When the sky darkened and the drama unfolded.
What did they do with their reactions as he was led away to be crucified.
When they saw Jesus on the cross disfigured and beaten.
When they saw the soldiers be rough yelling and mocking him causing him more pain.
When they stood there watching his blood dripping with deep agony upon their hearts.
I wonder
What did they feel like when they heard
the weeping and sorrowful screams echoing into the darkness?
Standing in that empty place of betrayal of heart
I wonder deep into their spirits what it felt like to say
I never knew him.
Denying him.
Denying his friendship and love for them.
Denying the dinners shared and memories made with him.
Denying the miracles witnessed and the stories told.
Denying the truth of who he was and the relationship he had with them.
Peter denied him three times 
just like Jesus told him he would.
Judas hung himself (Matthew 27:5)
The others
where did the others go on this horrible night?
Isn’t it like the human nature to protect ourselves at any cost?
If they knew him perhaps they would be put on a cross too.
If they say they didn’t know him they would be safe.
The question that remains for me
was that really a safe way out or just a cowardice intention.
As I went to bed last night my heart was heavy and restless
as I asked myself
would I do any different?
If it was a life or death dilemma where my own life was at risk
if I were to say yes to the question
would I do any different?
It is a question that remains in my restless spirit today.
Perhaps for you too.
When it comes down to the eternal question:
Would we really remain faithful and say we know him?
Peter was sure he would never deny him.
He was positive and angry at Jesus to even suggest it.
Perhaps our Lord knows our hearts intentions much more than we do.
When it was all over the followers had many matters of the heart to deal with and
perhaps we do too.
On this Easter weekend shall we ask ourselves the difficult and hard questions?
I wonder.