The process of leaving this life is labor intensive.
The dance of death a daily experience as the loved one continues down a path of release, of letting go and giving in.
There is a fight that goes on between spirit and will and it is so very clear to watch the battle that is raging within the one dying. It is heart wrenching and painful for those caring for her.
Unlike the intensive labor process of contractions and breathing and monitoring and waiting for the ‘new’ baby to arrive. This is an ongoing process of waiting for the last breath to take place.
In the midst of a sacred place, a spiritual holy moment, there is agony. The loved one knows they are leaving and they feel the body shifting away from what was once familiar to them.
The will gets trapped within the dying process.
Last night Mom wanted to go out for dinner again. She told her kids “dad and I are going out tonight”… we know she can’t do that so they calmly said to her,”someone else is bringing us dinner is that ok?’ … she hesitated and said ‘ok’.
The dance of death takes away what the thought process brings forward
and what was once a normal request is now an impossibility.
I think back and it was only two weeks ago when she did indeed walk with her walker and sat in a restaurant chair and looked normal.
That choice is no longer an option.
I think that is part of this dance that is so painful when the choices get slowly taken away from the one dying. Last weekend she tried to stand up and walk to the bathroom, and she fell.
What was normal now is not. A catheter now helps in that process, for movement is difficult and painful. It is a slow progression of taking away something. Even pain medicine takes away a sweet personality for the side effects are not often helpful or pleasant.
Last night she became crabby and a bit snappy, I reminded them it is the medication.
Dad who is 88 can’t quite take in the changes that have removed his loved one from him.
He holds her hand and tries to calm her. When the boys couldn’t do what she wanted, she pleaded for dad to do it. He has been put on strict orders to not do anything without them.
He is very unsteady on his feet and to have him fall or get injured would only complicate the situation for the family.
Death is near. Mom lies in her bed and reaches in the air. Her daughter said she is trying to take hold of the angels. Even the dogs lie next to her chair and look above her as they growl or yip softly. They can see the spiritual around her. Her daughter says the angels are here.
Death is near.
The hardest part for those left behind is watching and waiting.