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Today was the biopsy.
Shower taken fast
early morning coffee rushed
we give ourselves enough time for traffic
as the appointment needed to be on time.
Once we arrived there not knowing where to park
or which floor to go to we become directionally challenged
by a large hospital setting.
Adding to that our anxiety of what was ahead of us
we finally find the right floor
do all the paper work at the desk
get into the room
do more paperwork
have all belongings labeled and
all the iv’s and protocol done.
Then we wait
He is wheeled out of the room
and I walk away
trying to be strong and not fearful
trying to have faith and to believe
we won’t have a what if conversation later.
I go out to the waiting room and find my son
we decide to eat some breakfast while we wait
the 60-90 minutes and hot coffee would be good too.
Downstairs in the cafeteria I order a
breakfast plate.
The dish too large for my concerned spirit
so we share the half cold plate
of shredded hash browns,
scrambled eggs scooped like a ball of ice cream
and fat laced bacon that might have been good on a better day.
Not so comforting on an anxiety filled morning.
We return to the waiting room
with hot coffee helping to wake up the mind not yet alert.
The staff gave us a pager like one given in some restaurants
when they have a table ready
only this one serves a different purpose.
The loud shaking noise goes off after
the 90 minute wait and it startles my quiet thinking.
I go to the recovery room and find him eating crackers
and watching a football game playing on the walled tv
muted words of refs talking and spectators cheering
felt out of place for me at the moment.
His way to relax not mine.
The other words not spoken between to who have loved
set the mood of ‘what ifs’ again.
Many things to pray for.
Many things to be concerned over.
Many things God could fix and remove.
We wait and we pray as we have no other choice right now.
Thoughts in a hospital are not that great when one wants answers.
We get him out to the car and head for lunch
then home for a nap and a routine of cleaning up the dishes
left in the sink the night before from Thanksgiving.
The warm sudsy water was actually a form of therapy for me.
Our lives are in a waiting room
all we can do now is breathe and pray and not
let fear move along side us in this new journey.