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Learning to trust is not the hardest part
The waiting is hard
The silence
The not knowing
The test pushed back another half hour
Anxiety trying to rise while numbness pushes it back.
There is nothing I can do
but trust
I have questions. Lots of them.
I have worries and concerns.
I could have fear
but I choose to trust.
God is bigger than our circumstance
He ordains it all and approves of it all
for a purpose far greater than we can know.
Is it to show our faithfulness?
Is it to test our belief?
Is it for others to watch and observe
our behaviors actions and attitudes?
Do I dare ask why?
GOD could say why not?
Even Job was tested beyond what was acceptable for many
and our past year has been a test for each of us
in many different ways.

I am silent
as I listen to the reassuring voice that let’s me know
nothing happens without a reason
without a purpose
without a bigger plan.
I can choose to be afraid of what I don’t know yet
or I can put one foot in front of the other
and with open hands
accept ~
If this is for your glory then I choose
to relinquish my will and be faithful.

There are so many things in this life
we cannot control and this is one of them.
As I spin with the ‘what if’s’ in my mind
I tell myself to stop and get a grip
For the plan may be to test our faithfulness
in our journey
and in our God.
If you say you believe
what better way to test that belief than to be placed
in the midst of a difficult trial.
Lord give me the strength
give us the strength
the love
the trust
and the belief
to get through this next
season of life you have for us
whatever that may be.

(My husband went to the doctor on Wednesday for assorted reasons,
on Thursday he had a cat scan, on Friday he had an MRI.
The doctor pushed things through as quick as he could.
They found a mass in his liver.
We know nothing else.
Will find out on Monday the final results)