Out of the basket of words I have shared about courage, willingness, trust, tenderness, power and then balance.
The seventh word to learn about is going to be change.
I have tried to set the words out in a sequence of how it was for me as I was going through this ‘deep’ internal process of healing.
When someone goes into a therapy season many things begin to change for them.
What was once familiar and comfortable now begins to feel ‘abnormal’ and sometimes disturbing.
Relationships change on many levels.
The person going through recovery changes from the inside out.
It won’t feel good or right to stay in the same routine and old behaviors because healing brings new truths.
I always learned through this process, ‘awareness brings choice.’
Dictionary.com says : It is to become different, altered, transformed, in opinion, in thought or course or direction.
as in: changing ones mind.
I remember there was a point in time when someone would say something to me and in the old ‘life’ I would just ignore it, or internalize it or believe it to be true.
My ‘new’ life of awareness brought me to the point of thinking…
“this is not about me, this issue is not mine.”
Then I began to move from the guilt and obligation that was taught and felt to a more healthy place inside.
Change brings courage forward and gives it voice.
It is realizing to enable the ‘toxic behavior’ is not good for me now.
It is realizing these issues are about them and not me.
It is realizing family ‘dysfunction’ is the core ‘reason’ we sit in a therapy room.
Dysfunction means: abnormal or impaired, bad or difficult.
It is learning to say as we move through the process.
“that was then, this is now. Today is a new day. I will begin again.”
I began to change internally when my old ‘style of coping’ didn’t work any more and it didn’t feel ‘real’ to me.
As healing becomes normal to us we move further away from the old ‘way’s of coping or believing.
Truth changes the reality in which we begin to live.
As we grow and move forward change will create many conflicts because we are not doing it ‘the way it always has been done.’
Those around us see and sometimes test our new boundaries.
It takes strength and courage to stand up for what is right and healthy.
This basket of words is layered and powerful.
Each one of these words takes a great amount of growth and choice.
The one in recovery has to realize and soon begins to realize some friends, some family, will not stand by and watch as you change before them.
They will feel uncomfortable with the ‘boundaries given them’ and they will not encourage you in the new process.
Change creates boundaries and also brings to us the ability to say with courage,
“I am not going to listen to that anymore or I will not allow ‘you’ to hurt me again.”
Change forces a line to be drawn.
When I began to get healthy, there was a point in time when I told my husband,
“I am moving forward, with you or without.” I will not ever go back to where I was as a wounded person.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is realizing ‘you’ are worth fighting for.