I was talking and sharing with my husband the other day about my blog.
This blog that was birthed through prayer and through a deep searching of my heart.
At the time I began this in Two thousand and ten
there was a deep grief that settled around my world.
Actually between my husbands mother being ill with cancer and relationships changing in our circle of friends.
Both my husband and I walked in a fog for months.
Grief followed me wherever I went.
I am not sure I could count how many times church became a place for tears.
Like a shadow reflecting off my bent spirit
I couldn’t get the grief to move away.
In the Two thousand and ten blog book some of the deepest writings took place.
God was making me move deeper into a place of searching and thinking and it was hard but also very good.
I remember every time I wanted to write the struggle between truth and confusion took place.
I would sit at the table with my bible open with my notebook and pen and paper and write prayers out.
What shall I do with this blog today
was my prayer before it began.
Each time God gave me words.
Each time He showed me the topic and the places to look and to research.
Each day I carved out specific time to listen and to lean into the one who was teaching me.
I miss that these days.
I don’t miss the grief but I do miss the deep
time searching journey every blog post took me on.
It is almost like familiarity has done a not so good thing.
Now I write and share pictures.
I do assorted posts then I publish.
There is very little agonizing over each word or concept.
Is it wrong or a bad sign when writers get too comfortable with their writing journey?
I am searching this week.
I am also waiting to hear for a new direction.
Not to change this blog that would not take place
it is too much a part of who I am.
It is a very important part of my identity right now.
This waiting room is a place for me to listen and to hear
what the spirit wants me to share.
If you are a friend of mine can you pray with me for a deep direction for this blog journey.
More than anything my desire is to be a place of ministry and also a place of hope.