by Sharon O | Jun 17, 2015 | Uncategorized
Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing.
It seems very strange to not have parents.
It is not that I was very close to either one of them, but they were still ‘my parents’.
The last time I left my dad’s hospital room it felt to me, like I would never see him again this side of heaven.
I was in peace with that thought.
I didn’t say good bye as he was resting, but I do know he knew I was there and I also know he cared for me in the best way he knew how.
A few days later I got the call that he was gone and his spirit moved to a more simpler and wonderful place.
The same thing happened with my mom, the last day I saw her.
I left knowing she was on the way to another place that would bring healing to her.
As I looked around the room and allowed the visual of her tiny frame of body, wrapped up in a blanket of love, I knew she would be gone soon.
In the early morning hour when the phone rang, it was the call telling me she had passed away.
My grandparents have been gone a long time now, but even that is a great loss.
To have generations missing and gone is sad.
I have often thought about those days of our childhood when our mom was raising three little girls alone.
Our dad left when we were little and when he did it was hard for us.
I have very little good memories of growing up, as it was a crazy and sometimes confusing time of life.
The constant things were a clean house, rules and hidden emotions.
The non constant were hugs and emotional talking.
Not one time do I remember being asked, “how are you?”
Not one time do I remember being told,
“you are valuable in this family.”
She didn’t know how to do that.
I am not bashing her or blaming her.
I am just saying she didn’t know how to give what she didn’t ever learn herself, and you can’t give what you don’t know.
As my maturity has come and through therapy, I have learned the ways we are raised and taught, becomes critical in our thinking and processing as adults.
In our home of origin life was not easy.
When our dad left we were all struggling with big emotional holes and no one was there to fill them.
It was like we all knew things were different but we were not allowed to talk about it.
What an unfair thing to do to a child.
The emotional damage of non verbal expression is hard to explain.
I am positive we never processed our dad’s leaving.
I am also positive we were instructed to ‘let it go’ and be good.
Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing.
Our parents are gone now. It is a quiet and strange feeling to be an adult orphan
Mothers day and Fathers day are just Hallmark card moments for others to share in.
I no longer stand long at the card aisle wondering what to pick out and send.
Our parents are gone now.
by Sharon O | Jun 13, 2015 | Uncategorized
The word for the day is world.
At first I couldn’t think of what I would write about, then I had two thoughts come forward.
The song, “He’s got the whole world, in his hands…”
Then I thought of the blog world.
When I first started to write I was pretty clueless how it all worked together me writing and others reading or me reading others writing.
One day I started a search and ended up visiting a few ‘blog sights’.
Then I read more and then I added a few comments and soon the blog authors and I were friends.
Even though we had never met, we were knitted together by a blog world of people.
Yes safe, wonderful caring people.
I know it sounds strange to be a friend to someone you have never met in person.
Again it pulls itself back to the authentic real me.
I had to ask the question, could I really be a friend to someone I might not ever meet?
Some are living in spaces I will most likely never travel to.
But God can make us friends and we are drawn together by other friends who know each other in mutual friendships.
It is a circle of wonderful people who fit together with a common goal, he’s got the whole world in his hands because he is almighty.
We can have authentic real relationships, because we are on common ground with each other.
Some may ask, ‘is it risky or dangerous’ to be friends with someone you never met?
I say, no, because I trust in the process and do believe if we ever met we would be best of friends.
He has the whole world in his hands, that means everyone.
In my little den which is a very small world, I open the screen to miles of friendships.
Two are in England, One is in New Zealand, many are all around the United States.
The word for the day is world.
I opened my life and took a risk to open up to the world.
In doing that, I found abundance of wise and wonderful people.
by Sharon O | Jun 9, 2015 | Uncategorized
To go along with our ‘authentic grace’ topic.
I just read this wonderful blog by someone whom I respect, admire and hope to meet some day.
It ministered to my heart, soul and spirit and left me with a few tears.
If we all could be real and honest and authentic.
We can go so much further and so deeper in relationships.
It starts with taking a risk.
http://jenniferdukeslee.com/tellhisstory-the-first-step-to-authentic-friendship/
I pray you take a risk today. click onto the link above.
by Sharon O | Jun 8, 2015 | Uncategorized
Our church is starting a new idea for women.
It is challenging us to think about as women, how do we present ourselves to others.
The thought around this ‘concept is this’, when we visit with others do we hide our ‘real selves’ and present to them our ‘best selves’, or are we able to be real with them right from the start.
We hide for many reasons.
We feel shame because of what was done to us in our early years?
We feel inadequate or not worthy?
We feel less than authentic and loved because of what was told to us as we were growing up.
The challenge sounds wonderful and hard, for to be real is actually to be very transparent
and for some of us that means our ‘hurt and pain’ must be shared.
It is easy for us to give grace to some but very difficult to give to ourselves.
To be authentic is very important when it comes to relationships.
Dictionary.com says authentic means nothing false or copied, as in original, genuine or real, it says it is trustworthy and reliable.
Then I looked up grace to see what the dictionary would say about that, it said it is elegance, pleasing or attractive, beauty or favor, mercy or pardon.
It said it is also an allowance of time between when something is due, as in a thirty day grace period.
That time is not counted until it is late, I understand this concept because of bill paying experience.
Authentic grace.
Most of those who know me would tell you I am authentic.
My feelings are real and to the point, as much as possible without hurting someone.
If you are a friend of mine and you have done me no wrong, I will be faithful to you to the end of our friendship or lives which ever comes first for us.
There are some people who have been in my life since we were in junior high, we are close friends because we care for each other in a mutual way, we pray for and hope for the best for each other.
There is no agenda of ‘me or I’ it is about us, as friends in a very special friendship.
I value that greatly.
We all need at least one or two people who we can call our genuine authentic friend.
There is a risk to being real. There is also strength in being honest.
Sometimes being real and honest can also be hurtful.
That is where discernment comes into the story.
Relationships that are filled with authentic grace are the most ‘healthy’ kind.
In my home growing up the lessons we learned were not relational.
In fact it was not even safe to share what was really going on inside your heart.
The best thing to do was be quiet and follow the rules.
For me now, as I am sixty and finally at a mature ‘space’.
Authentic grace means I can be real with you and you with me
and if we don’t agree, we can learn to give grace to each other and agree to disagree.
It is kind of like that allowance of time we call a grace period.
Where nothing is required of you, other than to be yourself.
Relationships are like that in many ways.
They must be authentic and real and trustworthy and reliable.
Very much like the love we receive from our Lord when he tells us,
“I have loved you with an ever lasting love.”
Authentic and real, full of life giving hope.
Authentic grace… I pray it is something you have found.
by Sharon O | Jun 5, 2015 | Uncategorized
The rule is to write for five minutes and don’t over think or over do your writing.
Have fun, think fast, and then publish.
The word for the day is ‘Gift’.
We often think of gift as something we open as in a present during a special event.
But what I want to write about is another type of gift.
The gift of our time.
The gift of friendship and of people who we have learned to care for.
I have a friend who is very special to me.
She recently moved away and the only time we can spend now is on the phone without a four hour drive to visit in person.
When she calls me I know it’s going to be a long ‘two hour’ chat.
We talk about life and lessons we have learned, and our hopes and dreams for our grand children or our grown children.
We share prayer requests and we share matters of the heart with each other.
That is a gift.
We open our lives to each other and she knows me and I know her and we are happy in the friendship.
Gift giving doesn’t have to be hard, it just has to be genuine.
Authentic and real, without a catch and without a agenda.
When we give something to someone we give with a hope that it would make them happy.
God gave us a gift wrapped up in his Son.
For God so loved the world that he gave a gift for a life time.
Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15
The bible shares the word gift 158 times.
It might be good for us to some day look them all up and then realize what a gift he has given to us.
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” John 4:10
by Sharon O | Jun 3, 2015 | Uncategorized
Living in the Pacific Northwest we have a wide variety of weather changes, one day it will be 80 degrees and sunny, then the next day it will go down to 53 and be rainy.
I have learned to love the overcast cloudy days, they are comfortable.
They do not challenge us in the ways the hot days do.
I even love a misty ‘rainy’ day.
Forecast for the weekend might be up to 92 or higher,
I cannot deal with that kind of heat.
I am a sweat pant and warm sweater kind of person and if I have to, I will wear shorts and a tank top, but my favorite is a cloudy cool refreshing day.
Thought I would show a few of our ‘roses’ … before they are beat down by the rain.
They show the beautiful raindrops, and tender leaves and the amazing buds.
My husband took these photos and they are really beautiful.
by Sharon O | May 23, 2015 | Uncategorized
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.
Isaiah 30:15
I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 119:147
Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises, he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains.
like the spring rains that water the earth.
Hosea 6:3
The word prompt for the day is Rise.
I will rise to start the morning.
I will rise up when they bring the flag out… we rise when the judge walks into the room.
All rise. It is a sign of honor.
When we sing in church a lot of times we stand and rise to let others know, we love him and long to sing praises to his name.
I love these verses and many more that include the word, rise.
It even makes me think of dough when it has been pounded and kneaded… it begins to rise again.
Ever thought of that in a spiritual way? Pounding and kneading until all the air is out of us.
Then we rise… we rise slowly and deliberately and it is good.
VERY good when it is finished.
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
Isaiah 60:1
by Sharon O | May 17, 2015 | Uncategorized
I am realizing that as time moves forward the calendar does too.
Is is really the middle of the year and almost the end of May? wow.
Soon my grand daughter will be age 16 in a week.
The school year will be ending. Life will slow down some.
Then as quick as that, it will be fall again.
The seasons of time. The days passing into each other.
I turned 60 in December my husband turned 61 in January.
Soon we will be retired and able to go and see all that we have planned in our 41 years of marriage.
Life is passing before us.
I think it is time now to slow down and enjoy all the moments.
I am ready. To sit where I can hear the roaring ocean.
I am ready to watch the seagulls fly high in circles over the water.
I am ready to not think of schedules or meals or laundry.
Life is passing before us.
I remember when we brought our little Faith Elizabeth home weighing only 3 pounds 9 ounces and the many hours of rocking and holding and praying.
Now she is almost 16 in the middle of her teen years.
I still pray… I still hug her. I still hold her very close to my heart.
Life as we know it will change. But change is good.
Unless change brings sorrow and loss.
Today we breathe in the breath of thanksgiving.
Of gratitude that this life that is passing has been a good one.
We give thanks for small things and pray for those who are in sorrow.
I have received news of those who have lost love ones recently.
God comforts those who mourn. He heals the broken hearted.
Life is passing before us.
May be strive to do our very best to make it a good one.
Picture by Pamela B of Portland
by Sharon O | May 11, 2015 | Uncategorized
This time last year we were on a vigil for my mom’s passing.
She was end stage Parkinson’s and also failing to thrive.
It was sad.
She was not the mom I remembered. Not the mom I grew up with.
Her fragile state showed me a more ‘distant’… fragile side of her.
It was hard.
She failed to thrive, could not eat, could not drink and could not sit up by herself or do anything we would want her to do.
She was dying.
I went to see her in between all stars soft ball game for my grand daughter who was in 4th grade.
One scene very full of life, and young people and activity and fun.
Then into a more serene place for the dying.
It was hard to say good bye but I knew it was necessary.
She left in June after weeks of hanging on.
Her heart was strong, her body not so much.
Mothers day this year I am without a mother.
My husbands mom passed away 5 years ago on May 8th.
So neither one of us has a mom.
I am the mom now and the grandma.
I pray I do a good job of it.
I pray I leave a legacy of love and peace and great memories when it’s my time to leave.
This is the first Mother’s day I have no mother.
A strange mixture of feelings of sad, empty and remembering.
She wasn’t always a warm fuzzy mom.
But she was doing the best she could do even if her best was not good, or encouraging or even positive.
This time last year, we were waiting for her to leave and take her final breath.
The finality of words, “it’s over… she passed away in the night.”
Hard words, final words. Cold and pressing into the heart.
She is gone. Forever till we meet in heaven.
Remembering what it was like to say the ‘final’ good-bye.
by Sharon O | May 8, 2015 | Uncategorized
Acts 1:3-11
During the forty days after his crucifixion, he appeared to the apostles from time to time, and he proved to them in many ways that he was actually alive.
And he talked to them about the kingdom of God.
Once when he was eating with them, he commanded them.
“Do not leave Jerusalem until the Father sends you the gift he promised, as I told you before. John baptized with water, but in just a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”
*I always find it interesting he teaches them during the time of eating. It is a communal time and a time of ‘listening.’
So when the apostles were with Jesus, they kept asking him,
“Lord, has the time come for you to free Israel and restore our kingdom?”
They still really didn’t understand his purpose for coming.
He replied, “The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times and they are not for you to know. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere – in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
After saying this, he was taken up into a cloud while they were watching,
and they could no longer see him.
As they strained to see him rising into the heaven, two white-robed men suddenly stood among them.
*Remember we have seen ‘this’ before… in John 20:12 two white robed angels were in the tomb where Jesus body had been and they asked Mary why she was crying.
“Men of Galilee,” they said, “why are you standing here staring into heaven?
Jesus has been taken from you into heaven, but someday he will return from heaven in the same way as you saw him go.”
Now I don’t know about you but I would be both disturbed and alarmed to see all this taking place.
Jesus didn’t stay as they expected him to do, and then he went up into the sky.
That is amazing… how would that have looked for them?
Brilliant? powerful? like a tornado?
We won’t ever know as we were not there, but what we do know is the promise of his return.
Some day. He will return and it will be glorious and powerful and awesome.
Lord we pray we are ready when that takes place.
