Our family is going through a really difficult time these days.
The process of watching a loved one die is a heavy weight on ones heart.
Mom wanted some Chinese food the other evening for dinner.
A brother in law said,”We can go get it and bring it to you”, her reply, “No I want to go to the restaurant.” So with great effort she got herself up and moved with her walker and went out to the car then to the restaurant.
How does one say no when Hope is still present in the heart of the one who is ill.
She wanted to go out. She wanted to be normal and sit in a restaurant chair without oxygen and eat her food just as she did many months ago. Only this time she ate a small amount of food and drank her tea and just enjoyed a little bit of normal life into her heart. Dad was cute as I heard him say, “Well ma we have lots of leftovers for us to eat later”. She agreed with him. I really thought it a sweet moment. The two of them sitting side by side sharing a meal together just like the old times.
The process of death is a heart wrenching one.
I called it the dance of death when my sister was dying. For one never knows the moves that are necessary for adapting and change as the progression of illness moves forward. It tugs at ones heart and occasionally grief rises to the surface and tears fall. Deep grief is layered between things to do and things to take care of and must wait till later.
For now tasks take away the full impact of a loved one leaving.
The moments of talking heart to heart are precious and worth taking notes recorded in journals to keep for a later time.
When a death is pending one can say goodbyes unlike a sudden death when the survivors are unprepared for the news. A pending death is month by month …week by week… hour by hour … eventually… minute by minute.
The process of care taking is exhausting at times yet in these unknown days ahead it is also a gift. The measure of giving and giving more and worrying and praying and trying not to worry. It is all apart of the dance. Steps altered and rearranged by a body deteriorating and movements jilted by life’s ending journey.
Only one who has gone through the process can relate to the soul that is trying to say goodbye in many ways throughout the day.
We have hope in God and know the result of a loved one passing who loves the Lord is peaceful. For our home is not here if we love Jesus.
Our home is found in another beautiful resting place.
The impact is still extremely difficult. Prayers are continually needed for those waiting and watching and wondering what is it going to be like for the loved one to be gone.
For now… we join in the times of sharing and we count our blessings that it is has been a gentle experience.
Our family is still intact with ma and pa sitting together not knowing how their love story will end.
There is a new dance to learn as we process the final journey home.