A week ago I was in my bed warm with covers wrapped around me.
Not in a deep sleep but a sleep that was both comfortable and restless.
You know the kind I am talking about where your spirit is unsettled.
I remember the phone ringing and the deep sinking feeling that something must be wrong.
Always when you receive a call early in the morning you know right away it might not be a good call.
It wasn’t.
The voice on the phone telling me they were sorry but my dad was gone.
The pain in my heart was immediate but the tears were walled off.
I laid there curled up in a ball after hanging up the phone.
The conversation repeating itself in my head as I shared the news with my husband.
I had seen dad five days before and was planning on going back up to see him again.
He just couldn’t hold on any longer.
Revisiting the conversation with the vet when I took my cat in earlier this month, when he said to me,
“she will die at home if you don’t do anything now”.
She had congestive heart failure too.
My dad passed away we think in his sleep.
That is a peaceful way to leave and not as horrible as we thought it would be.
Someone with his complications struggle and suffer in a terrible way.
We don’t think he did.
I am peaceful about our visits although I didn’t talk much to him I believe he knew I was there and he knew I loved him.
My dad left us a week ago.
When we see our mom now his chair is empty.
The oxygen tank and tubes missing and the pill bottles put away.
It is strange and a bit surreal.
The heart knows the depth of sadness and loss and it also realizes he is in a better place now and he is comfortable.
It is just hard I mean really hard to say “my dad passed away and I won’t ever get the chance to share matters of the heart with him.”
Sometimes my heart is heavy and I catch myself feeling the weight of too many losses in a short amount of time.
We lost my husbands dad in May so this year has been a series of losses.
A week ago we said good bye to a dad who was special in many ways.
We will never meet someone like him ever and we will never forget him.
Good bye dad… you were loved deeply.