One day while I was sitting in the therapy office; my counselor gave me a little bottle someone had made.
There was a little hand written note on it that said, “for someone.”
Then she quoted the verse about God noticing and saving our tears in a bottle.
[You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.] Psalm 56:8
I thought it was very sweet and powerful that she would make something for someone she didn’t know.
It also had an impact on me since all the years in therapy I never cried, came really close a few times.
Growing up it was a ‘known lesson’ that showing feelings or especially tears was not a safe thing.
Often I would cry in my bed quietly but no one would know.
So when I think that God was with me when each tear fell, it is comforting to know I was not alone.
The process of letting go of old rules or lessons has been freeing.
To experience sorrow in a normal way. To accept it and know that it is ok to feel the feelings.
To say what you feel without hurting someone gives value to your voice.
I remember when it would be a struggle during counseling to say the words.
I would hear him reminding me in a very quiet voice, “I am here listening.”
Another part of letting go is the process of cleaning.
Letting go of things that used to be ‘important’.
It is in the letting go when we learn to release the grip either it had on us or we had on it.
Another step of this journey is going through closets, ‘keepsake’ things that have less meaning now.
It’s taking a big risk for me as I am definitely a sentimental messy.
I love cards from people and keep them, I treasure children’s drawings and save them.
There will be a point in time when I must let go.
Release and purge the ‘stuff’ now when I am mentally in a place to do it.
Just as I had to let go of childhood pain and move on into freedom and healing.
I have to move forward and get rid of the ‘mess’ because it doesn’t have to be part of the message anymore.
My story is still here.
I just don’t have to keep the years of journaling, the pages of words that could do more harm then be helpful or healing to anyone but me.
The process of letting go is releasing the grief. Understanding it’s power and then learning to breathe again.
I saw a quote from Brene’ Brown and I wanted to share it:
“It takes courage to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.”
The process of letting go is being able to tell the story as it was and then move on.
That was then, this is now, and I like who I am becoming.