Today
Was a different day for mom O. She rested more unlike yesterday when she would crochet and tear it out, crochet and tear it out ripping and tearing by the minute. She was more alert and eating too. She wanted pepsi and pepperoni and she wanted dinner. It was like a rushing moment for her and different in character. Like a strong wind outside at night moving the trees back and forth and then the next morning calm and peace as if it never happened.
Today she only had water saying ‘I am not hungry’. The dance of death so difficult to learn. The moves change so quickly when one is so close to the ‘final goodbye’.
I sit in the dining room alone in my thoughts. The house is quiet.
Others are taking a break while mom O rests.
I see Dad O go to her side; he takes his old man hand and brushes her hair on her face as he balances himself on the arm of the chair with his cane on the floor. She sleeps and I am not sure if she feels his gentle man hand on her head. He rests his hand so gently on her forehead, and moves it around to her face. Almost like he is checking for a fever.
I am in tears by now my eyes watching a gift of love and tenderness.
My heart aches for their love once known. Almost 61 years they were together.
Are the pictures flooding in his mind? Years of memories of children being raised playing as the reel to reel movie camera flood his mind. She canned and cooked and washed and cleaned and sewed. I wondered what he was thinking as he looked into her ‘dying face’. I dared not ask for I was in tears without a word I knew if he began to speak to me I would weep.
For their love was special.
Ma and Pa to six children five boys and one daughter. I could not relate to their closeness when I first met them. It was foreign to me.
I remember nightly my husband and his son would call and say ‘how are you dad?’ my mind would say… ‘you just talked to him last night why call again?’
My family not close so it was unfamiliar to me.
We lived by rules and conditions and they lived by love.
Love that spoke caring and concern and ‘how was your day today?’ questions. Every day a check in call would take place.
I have learned by being in this family that love is always.
Love is relational.
Love has no conditions only to be kind and gentle and forgiving
and to be in relationship with each other.
I have learned a lot by being near this family.
His heart will break in many pieces when she leaves her resting place to go home.
I believe he will be at peace, for her suffering will be over. But it is not to say it will be easy or kind to ones heart when a loved one passes from us. They have been together for many years through sickness and health and richer and poorer. They have been a couple till death will part them.
In tears tonight I looked across the room and saw love. It was gentle and peaceful and kind and ever so tender. I cherished the moment through my tears.
Jesus be with her as the Angels take her home. Help her to feel no pain or feel no restlessness. Give her calm. Let her go peacefully and bring to dad a new ‘soft gentle’ awareness she is home and safe and peacefully asleep in your arms. We love you mom O.
amen
