After my last writing for our church it would seem fitting for me to expand a bit about the story and the dream shared.
Within the course of my recovery journey, I was often asked these words, “Do you trust me, and will you?”
When children grow up in non trusting or unsafe environments, trust does not come easy.
As an adult now I am able to discern when trust is safe and healthy and only by listening to my first instinct; have I learned to trust and follow.
The question was asked surrounding the healing process of memory.
It came from the Lord working through the Holy Spirit and also guided by my very trained and gifted counselor.
“Do you trust me enough that I can show you and walk with you into the hard places and allow me to reframe them into something more healing and healthy for you?”
When there is a lot of pain often times we want to hide. I sure did.
I wouldn’t offer anything to anyone about how I felt.
Someone would say to me, “how are you?” I would always say fine.
For I thought in my mind if I said, “not so good,” they might want to know why.
I wasn’t ready to tell them. I wasn’t ready to tell myself.
It was only when I hit a wall, emotionally, physically and in my health, that I felt like I had to submit.
God showed me slowly and carefully that I was not going to be harmed in the process of remembering.
Sometimes when you relive something years later you see it through adult eyes seeing it as the child might have experienced it.
There is power when you see something through the child’s perspective.
Have you ever watched the movie Scrooge, where the spirit of his past shows him the room where tiny Tim was sitting.
How Ebeneezer ‘saw’ him through different eyes; as an observer not as a mean boss.
Recovery from memory is a lot like that. It is re-framing and showing a scene in a new way.
Seeing and observing the child through different and more healing places of perspective.
Remember the scene when he said about tiny Tim, “but I didn’t know.”
Healing comes to us through accepting and allowing the places of memory to be exposed for what it was, what it did and how it made us feel.
These are very hard things to acknowledge. Remember: the only way out is through.
When the question comes to us, “Do you trust me?” It is like the question Jesus asked before healing someone.
“Do you want to be well?”
It arrives with many layers to peel back like an onion.
“Yes I trust you”… peel off…
“Yes I trust you” peel more…but my eyes are burning and my nose is stuffed.
The aroma stings our senses. We get choked up for the oil of the onion is strong.
Memory is very similar.
When we choose to remember the pain from our past, it is the beginning to a new and refreshing beginning.
Remember :The only way out is through.