Our pastor challenged us yesterday.
It was awesome. Thought provoking.
He talked about Shame.
Just the very sound of the word, brings feelings.
Dictionary.com says it is the arising of painful feelings, brought on by yourself or others, dishonorable, disgrace, improper or ridiculous.
It is an internal feeling inside our heart, rather than an external feeling.
It is deep. A core truth that we have chosen to believe.
I am bad and unlovable.
Pastor said; shame is not guilt.
Shame is more about who you are, not what you did, it is personal.
Guilt is more action, it is embarrassment or a revelation of ‘I did wrong, I am sorry’.
Guilt is freeing, a way to repent and start over.
Shame says, ‘I am wrong, I am not worthy, there is no hope’.
He talked about Moses, when he was on the mountain receiving the ten commandments from God, he also received a ‘glowing’ countenance. It was radiant, bright.
When he walked away from the presence of God, the glow went away. Moses put a veil over his face so the ‘people’ couldn’t see the change.
Exodus 34:27-30 the story is told, how Moses covered his face, over and over, to cover the shame of the ‘dimming’ glow.
Pastor said ‘how is that different than what we do with each other’?
We cover ‘ourselves’ so others cannot see.
The real ME.
We hide.
We sometimes cover more than just our face. He showed the visual of ‘covering our entire body’, so others cannot see the real ‘inside self’ of who we are, as he wrapped himself in a dark piece of cloth.
When I began my recovery journey, I was hesitant to say, ‘I am in counseling’.
Why? I am not sure, maybe it was a concern about ‘what would others think?’. Maybe I was hiding, my truth so I didn’t appear less ‘together’, than what I was presenting. Maybe I didn’t want to explain why?
I don’t know, but I do know now, as I am more mature in the process. I find it to be as valuable as going to the dentist or doctor. It is a point of ‘checking in’… is my health OK? am I thinking clearly?
Recent news has stirred me.
I find it fascinating and sad this weekend to see on the Internet and news. The headline:
Marie Osmond devastated by her son’s death.
Why would that even appear in the news?
Wouldn’t that be normal to be devastated as a mother, as the news came to you, that your child is now gone?
Why would they be ‘surprised?’ Why is that even worth mentioning or writing about?
Then they go on and say, ‘he fought a life long battle with depression, and wrote about it in a letter which he left behind’. Then they write about her divorces and how he was one of her 5 adopted children. Then they go on to tell how he had been in a rehabilitation facility and how she as a mom, did not want to discuss or disclose the reason why.
I just couldn’t believe what I was reading and hearing. So now you have a grieving family, and you place on them the ‘shame’, that you should have loved more deeply or more intensely.
It was like they were saying, ‘she saw his pain and couldn’t fix it’.
The end result was ‘his shame, of who he was’ and he committed suicide.
How horrible. How awful. How devastating to all who are involved and knew him.
I pray we do not assume it was a mothers love, or lack of it, that caused the hurt in his heart.
I pray that we stop the talking and pray for her and her family.
Shame probably did play a role in his heart, to do something that drastic.
The shame of ‘who he was’ that he couldn’t over come.
The depression and feelings that would not leave.
It was a heart hurt.
Suicide is never the answer, there is always hope when we look deeply for it.
God in your wisdom and mercy, I pray that we as a people never say cruel or mean things to others in their deepest ‘grief’ moments.
The media should feel ‘guilt’ over what they said. The media is wrong.
I don’t know Marie Osmond, but I would guess she is a mother who loved with a mothers heart. We as a people need to be thoughtful and pray for her. The words, shame, and suicide are ‘like salt and pepper’. They so often go together.
I pray, I pray, for the these families right now.
I also pray the media will respect them and leave them alone. It is a very sad thing.
This is just ‘something for us to think about’ today, as we move into a new week.
