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A new path

by | Aug 7, 2010 | Uncategorized

Along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth…
Isaiah 42:16

Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk.
Psalm 25:4

From the book Whispers of Faith:
When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.
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When we walk with God so many times we have the the opportunity to step off into the darkness and trust.
Through those times when:
Prayers remain unanswered and left hanging into thick heavy space
When:
The phone call that is so anticipated never happens day after day
When:
The mail person never brings the letter we so much want to read
When:
Our Loved one dies in the midst of our deep and earnest cries of prayer for healing

There are paths we all must walk and often we come to an edge
where the question of trust is really the the most important question we can ask ourselves.
Do I … Do we… trust God so much that through our blindness… we see hope given.

Do we dare to ask him for Faith so firm that when we find ourselves on unknown paths and rough places we can trust Him.
We can trust Him to lead us.

When we come to an edge… and feel afraid…
we must take a risk.
To trust… or not…
To take that step of obedience or of faith…
or not.

To believe that GOD is who He is and He is providing a path for our journey and to trust that HE is our solid rescuer.
We are like blind people searching for someone to lead and guide us through the step of obedience.
Even if it is baby steps. Tiny steps toward a new destination… into a new life.
As we walk this path and move from darkness to light may we be ever so thankful that HE is a mighty guide for us always as we choose to move closer to Him and trust in the process He is taking us through.

A love story

by | Aug 3, 2010 | Uncategorized

I finally figured out part of the reason I was ‘sad’ on Sunday and overly emotional.
Not only were we talking about marriage and relationships and commitments at church.
We realized that Saturday the 31st would have been mom and dad O’s 61st wedding anniversary.

She left us on May 8th 2010.
She fought the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in a strong and determined way.
She had surgery and did chemo and did everything the doctor said to prevent the cancer from getting worse. Her weight loss confirmed it did eventually become worse.
The battle was raging between the reality of the disease and her desire for hope and healing she never really did give up till the very last when she told the doctor, “well I guess if the chemo isn’t working then I don’t have a choice but to wait.”
Their story is a love story.
I have written about it before back in April and a little bit of May.
They met and three weeks later they married and in 60 plus years they made a family and a life together. They has 5 boys and one girl and when she died there were many grandchildren, great grandchildren and one great-great coming soon.
They were a simple married couple who loved each other to the end.
It was a love story between Mom and dad O and I learned a lot by watching them.
I didn’t always understand their ‘family’ or the devotion they all had for mom and dad or for each other.
That would come to me later.
Dad O is almost 88 now and dealing with her loss on a daily basis.
He is sad~He is changed~He is aging.
His life changed when her illness got worse. The day she let go and left us to be with Jesus~dad’s life became different.
He lives with his daughter now. He is adjusting the same way we are all adjusting.
It was a love story of how two people grew in love.
It was a love story of richer and poorer and better and worse.
Till death parted them…It their love story…A story of love… family… acceptance and forgiveness.
It was a story of a mom and a grandma who is deeply missed.
A story to be remembered and stored deeply in our hearts that their example will be valuable to us for this generation and others to come.
It is a story of faith and family and a mom who was determined to share her Lord with everyone who would listen.
We miss you mom…
someday we will be with you again…
and you will hug us into the heavenly place and say,
“welcome home I have been waiting for you.”

Emotions

by | Aug 2, 2010 | Uncategorized

Today I was full of emotions….
I didn’t sleep well last night.
One of those nights when you are asleep yet ‘half awake.’
When you toss and turn and your mind can’t shut off.
I did fall asleep finally and dreamed strange dreams.
Church was good as it always is and very challenging.
They talked about marriage and commitment …
and what it takes to make it work.
Listening to the others on the panel share.
A couple who has been married 39 years.
A couple who has been married 31 years.
A couple who has been married 20 years.
A couple who has been married 7 years.
Each couple telling a story of love …
of good and bad and better and worse scenes in their relationships.
Each couple telling what it was like to realize…
it takes work to make a healthy couple stay together.
I was full of emotions…
remembering…
our better and worse times our good and bad times.
I was full of emotions…
before church even started…
the person who has hurt me…
continues to create pain in my heart.
Continues to not accept that they are part of the problem.
My husband and I talked today and it helped.
My heart has been hurt and I felt hot tears… close again.
Then we went to a wedding…
Already feeling open and fragile I watched…
as this young couple held each others hands and said to each other
“I will love you always… I will be with you always”
I thought do they really know what that means?
We have been married 36 years.
It has not been easy… or kind to us sometimes.
We have had good and bad and richer and poorer
and better and worse times.
And sickness and health times too.
Is Love still there?
It has to be…
It has been a journey of learning to love through the hard times.
It has been a journey of learning to accept when understanding was not close.
It has been a journey of learning to grow and stretch and challenge each other.
It has been a story that must be shared …someday…
It is a story of hard work and restoration.
A story of living life together with the same purpose and same direction.
I think it is a story of hope and healing.
Today I was full of emotions.
The walls that have been high all my life are lowering.
I feel more…
I experience more…
I am more alive.
Thank you God for your gift of healing
even if sometimes it hurts.

She is home

by | Aug 1, 2010 | Uncategorized

Faith called me tonight to tell me she was home…
she had a wonderful time at camp and she asked… did I get the letter from her yet?
I didn’t get it yet the mail should bring it soon.
Looking forward to what it has to say…they are always so fun to read.
She said with much excitement… “grandma I did something last night.
I said to her…what did you do?”
She said “grandma I became a Christian last night and I am reading my Bible and I am so happy.”
I almost cried…
it was an answer to my grandma prayers…
For our children… and their children…

I so want our grand children to Love the Lord with all their hearts…
I so want for them to be true to themselves and to be honest…
I so want for them to be faithful to their families and honorable…
I am feeling SO thankful and SO blessed.
Thank you Father God… for being with Faith and giving her a heart who wants to know you.

A little girl growing up

by | Jul 28, 2010 | Uncategorized

Our precious Faith Elizabeth went to summer camp this week.
I am prayerful for her. I am happy for her. Scared for her.
She was our first grand daughter and a tiny 2 pounder when she arrived.
Our miracle baby weighing only 8 pounds at 5 months. She was like a little baby doll and has always been petite.

She will be in sixth grade in a month. She is now age 11.
Our time is passing too quickly.
I want to linger in the moment…
and remember her as a baby…a toddler…a preschooler then into school.
I am wonderfully excited for her and yet so sad that time is going to move between us.
She will grow and change and mature and I will delight in her change but I will also see and grieve the passing of time as it must move forward.
I ask myself as a grandma what would I like to pass on to my grandchildren.
What would I want to teach them alongside manners and prayers?
That they should love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind
and their neighbor like themselves?
That they should listen to their parents and teachers and others in authority.
That they should remember without a shadow of a doubt…
that I will be here or there or anywhere they are… if they need me.
That they should remember that nothing they do will ever take away my love for them.
That my earnest desire is for them to follow after and know the Lord.
That the word will become a lamp for their feet and a light unto their paths.

The things I would say to a little girl growing up…
I grieve the passing of time and at the same time I delight in her.
I delight in all of them as I watch them grow and change.
I am a grandma who prays and
sends letters and cards of encouragement and praise.
I am extremely thankful that I have the honor to love her and walk with her
as she becomes a young lady.
I am a grandma of a little girl growing up too fast.
Lord I pray that my heart can handle it.

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