by Sharon O | May 24, 2012 | Uncategorized
As my husband shared his story later with us.
He was called by our son and was told that the baby was coming early and he needed to come home as soon as he could. He had great grandpa with him and they were driving down the road as fast as they could without breaking the speed limit. Our son was a policeman at the time and alerted the state troopers in that area that his dad needed to be found.
It was dark by then and a police man pulled him over just to tell him that ‘his grand child was coming soon’ and to drive safely home.
While he continued to drive home in the dark of the night we waited at the hospital with great anticipation.
Worry crept in and sat down beside me and of course all the ‘what if’s joined too’ emotionally I was a mess but had to stay strong in the midst of the crisis that was taking place.
The doctor came out about 10:50pm and said to us:
“Mom is stable and in recovery and baby girl weighed in at 2pds 11oz she is NICU (which is a neonatal intensive care unit) and she will stay there until she is strong enough to leave for home”.
This was our first experience with a neonatal setting and very scary.
This is where tiny babies are placed to ‘grow’ in an incubator setting.
My only experience was one of watching little baby chicks in a warming unit not little tiny babies trying to grow. With anticipation and fear I walked in and met her for the first time.
She was precious. She was bright eyed. She was so very tiny.
She was beautiful. She was serious with dark eyes staring at me as if to say ‘will you always love me and be my grand mother’.
She was everything I could ever imagine only tinier.
I was instantly in love and I promised her at that time to do everything in my power to keep her safe and protected and be her grandma for as long as God allowed me to live.
I determined in my heart to be there for my daughter and her daughter.
They named her Faith Elizabeth…
she was a gift to us when we needed something very special.
When we needed change and purpose and a new reason to love.
God knew it would take a baby to change our hearts.
by Sharon O | May 24, 2012 | Uncategorized
The baby wasn’t due till July and so life was just moving in a distant direction between work and our relationship with each other.
Days moved into weeks and we still had not solved issues that were dragging us down.
Therapy didn’t seem to help this time either.
It was a sad journey for us and we had no clue what it would take for things to change for us.
It was around five in the afternoon on the twenty fourth of May when I came home to listen to the answering machine.
There was a call from our daughter who was crying and she said:
“I am in crisis and we have to get the baby out tonight… you can come to the hospital if you want to”.
(we laugh about that now ~ how silly of her)
My husband was in Bend about three to four hours away from where I was and our daughter was in deep crisis about to deliver a premature baby.
I was immediately in shock.
I called my son and daughter in law and she drove me as we followed our daughter and her husband en route to the labor and delivery section of the hospital.
Forty minutes later we arrived after what seemed like a slow ‘processional’ to the emergency department.
I didn’t know at the time but according to the nurses waiting for her ‘she should have been in an ambulance’.
The nurse from the first hospital had laid her down in their car on her side and had told her ‘don’t move any other way so the baby can stay stable’. The heart beat would change as our daughter would move to get comfortable. There was low amniotic water on the baby and our daughter was in pre-eclampsia and toxemia which could prove fatal to one or both of them. Not arriving in an ambulance was a very bad decision on someones part when they did arrive and all chaos broke loose.
Our daughter was rushed to the labor and delivery floor.
I was still in shock not knowing what to think or feel.
As our wait moved into the early night time hours our son made sure I had something to eat.
Usually in times of tension or stress that is the last thing one thinks about and he was just making sure I was taking care of myself through this process.
I remember sitting in the waiting room feeling so alone (even though I wasn’t alone) with deep thoughts on my heart about so many things.
The doctor came out and told us that mom and baby were stable but the baby might be three pounds once they get the emergency surgery finished.
I felt myself begin to cry.
Holding back the tears I prayed for the first time in months.
I don’t think I bargained with God or promised anything I just ‘prayed’.
How would we become grand parents and start a new role together feeling distant and apart from each other?
For the first time in many months God was beginning to stir my heart and turn my heart towards our home.
by Sharon O | May 24, 2012 | Uncategorized
The year was 1999.
Our twenty fifth wedding anniversary was in the fall the year before and we were struggling in our relationship with each other.
Isn’t it said that every couple goes through a deep intense season at least once in the lifetime of their marriage?
We were like two ships in an ocean passing by each other and never acknowledging the journey we both were travelling.
Something happened between us and we were distant with each other harboring deep hurt and pain.
Words were few and when spoken they were more like the small talk of two strangers who really didn’t know each other.
For months we had no connection emotionally along with no words of ‘real meaning’ shared.
At this point we were both working full time.
It was convenient to keep the distance between us ‘not a topic to talk about’ by evening we were both tired and in our own ‘thoughts’.
I was still going to therapy, and trying to figure out how I would move out on my own.
Yes … I said … move out.
The reality was for me my finances couldn’t pay the rent or food or gas or food for my dog which would go with me of course and my two cats.
The type of dog I had required a yard and I couldn’t find that either.
Therapy had to be a part of the plan and that was not financially in the picture either if I moved.
It seemed the roadblocks were big and the reality set in that I had no choice but to stay where I was.
God was preparing me in many ways and on many levels.
My therapist worked with my ‘heart’ and challenged me on many levels too.
Our daughter had told us in the fall she was expecting a new little baby.
That was something to look forward to and about the only thing that was worth holding onto at the time.
The month of May began and our daughter was looking very cute and round with our first grand child due in July.
I knew it would be life changing for us all but I had no idea what that really would mean.
by Sharon O | May 20, 2012 | Uncategorized
Psalm 57:9-10
the message (MSG)
I am thanking you, God, out loud in the streets, singing your praises in town and country.
The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness.
Joining Deidra from jumping tandem on the ‘Sunday community’ link.
{photo by Rosie from Oregon}
by Sharon O | May 18, 2012 | Uncategorized
Continuing on the topic of forgiveness:
(forgive: cease to blame or hold resentment against:
give up desire or power to punish)
Our Pastor did a series on this topic and these are a few of his thoughts.
Forgiveness is:
releasing someone from holding onto our hearts.
not allowing the negative experiences of the past to dominate the hope and healing of our future.
not allowing the past to dominate our decisions and behaviors so that we stay captive to the pain or discomfort.
saying from our heart to the other person … you don’t owe me.
Forgiveness is not:
making excuses or enabling
(if it hurt ‘say it hurt’… be real to your feelings)
approval or trusting
(when trust gets broken it has to be earned back)
not forgetting or denying
(oh that really didn’t happen or saying ‘it wasn’t that bad’)
it is not indifference or avoidance
(not caring or not admitting)
it is not a one time event
(forgiveness has layers)
it is not and cannot be without boundaries
(enough is enough ~ you will never hurt me like that again)
Forgiveness is not reconciliation (become friendly with)
(where two people agree to come to one place of purpose
as if nothing ever happened)
sometimes forgiveness is one sided such as through prayer
I forgive… then name a name between God and yourself.
The one forgiven does not have to be a part of that conversation.
Forgiveness is saying:
Lord I trust you to work on their hearts just as you have worked on mine.
Forgiveness is a divine act of God.
We are forgiven therefore we must forgive.
When someone has hurt us the only real way
to forgive deeply is to allow God to touch us in those painful places and allow him to heal us layer by layer.
It is a process.
It is not easy.
It is not to be done lightly.
Forgiveness is a choice.
If we choose to be emotionally healthy and perhaps even physically healthy
part of that health
is forgiving those who once hurt us.
