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The other part about being in my room was kind of a protective one.
I learned early on that feelings and reactions or responses were not often welcomed or encouraged.
We were never allowed to sass back or speak up or say our thoughts or opinions.
So we learned to stuff them.
Hide them.
Not show anyone when we were upset, scared, sad, or confused.
It was not welcomed.
Our feelings were not talked about or talked over.
It was like the sound of silence that Simon and Garfunkel sang about.
I learned that in my room I could go and write and no one would bother me.
No one would read my writing especially if it was hidden.
I knew there were feelings inside but as to how to express them or bring them out was not anything learned.
Remember life teaches us lessons. Both good ones and not so good.
As a grown up now with children and grand children.
I really try… to let them have a voice.
The goal is not ever to teach them to hide or manipulate their feelings.
Children need to feel safe and they need someone to listen.
That does not mean they can be disrespectful or hurtful.
It does mean I will listen and try to hear them.
As a child I learned to stuff my feelings down deep inside.
When I first heard this song of Simon and Garfunkel it gave
me identity.
I am a rock. I am an island.
I stood alone. I felt alone.
God has brought me very far and I am not alone any more.
Now I do cry.
I do feel. I do express thoughts and opinions.
But as a child I didn’t.
I surrounded myself by words and songs and built walls that were hard around my heart.
Simon and Garfunkel’s song resonated with me as a teen.
In sharing it I share a part of my journey.