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The days were moving closer for Jesus and for his ministry to end.
He knew those who learned to follow and walk with him, would experience the darkness of spirit and sadness of soul, when seeing him on the cross.
I imagine the heaviness of heart weighed him down.
He was God, and man fully capable to be both in the same body.
He still felt our feelings. He still felt our sorrow.
He still felt our deep sense of being alone.
When he was in the room with the disciples, breaking the bread with them and sharing the wine.
He knew he would be leaving them soon. They had to have felt his heavy heart and different mood.
Have you ever spent time with someone who had a heavy heart and a ‘quiet countenance?’
Yeah I have and it is a bit ‘unsettling.’
Jesus was in that ‘mindset’ of pulling in yet trying to minister to them.
He knew Judas would betray him, in fact he told him he would.
Luke 22:21 Jesus said, “But here at this table, sitting among us as a friend, is the man who will betray me. For it as been determined that the son of man must die. But what sorrow awaits the one who betrays him.”
The disciples could not fully understand what he was staying.
How could they? I am not even sure Judas understood it.
It is hard to watch someone you love leave. The disciples were sure he wasn’t leaving for good.
They could not take in to their ‘hearts’. Denial is good for a season when someone we love is very ill.
Denial was also good for the disciples.
For they were about to learn a lesson about emotions and commitment and promises, that would follow them for a lifetime.
They were all sure they would stay with Jesus through anything that might take place.
How shallow were they to think that was possible.
When we know someone is ill or dying, we do what we can to grab onto the hope of keeping them here.
I am sure the disciples thought ‘if he was leaving’ he wouldn’t go far.
It had to have been really hard for all of them.
When we know the middle of the story we can understand it better.
The beginning of his life was Christmas, then he grew into a young man, and then the day came for him to became ready to show his ‘spiritual side’, when he did signs and wonders and told stories in parables for a few to understand.
Those who who followed him learned to love him.
When he said to them he was leaving, I believe the wall of their hearts went up and they quit listening.
We can’t blame them. No one wants to say good bye to a loved one.
Denial is a part of death we rarely hear about.
But it’s real and it’s necessary to process the loss that is to come.
I am sure the days following Jesus death the disciples talked about what he told them.
It’s like when you reach for the phone to call your loved one only to realize, you can’t.
You remember and move back into the times of sharing and memories and you wish so much for them to come back to you just one more time, with heaviness of heart, you remember.