Last week as I was reading other online blogs there seemed to be a theme running through many of them.
It made me pause and do some deep thinking.
Generally when a message is repeated it is a lesson to be learned for a reason.
It felt as if God was trying to show me something through others.
The theme was about trust.
Intrigued by the meaning of trust I looked it up at dictionary.com and it said that trust is:
. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
. confident expectation of something; hope.
. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
Growing up in an environment that was often unpredictable and non relational I learned early on to be very cautious with ‘trust’ issues.
I did not trust easily and still to this day tend to pull back and observe rather than trust fully.
Therapy helped if you can imagine a non trusting person sitting in a room with a person who is asking them ‘to trust’.
It was one of the most difficult things for me to learn.
After going through a half dozen counselors I found one who understood my thought process and who also understood that cautious trust was what I had to have near me at all times.
He understood that he could not just say to me ‘Trust me’ he had to prove to me he was trustworthy.
He was very patient and understanding.
It was a journey we ‘both knew’ had to take place in order for real healing to happen.
It was not an easy or simple process for us.
We worked hard together to build the foundation of trust so the painful feelings about the way I grew up could come out and the healing of my heart could take place.
On paper I could write them in poetry or story or drawing form.
It was not easy for words to describe the pictures that were frozen in time.
The pen in hand did not always show the depth of hurt but the imagery using my written words helped.
Slowly I had to begin to trust and allow the walls surrounding and protecting my heart down.
They could not be blasted down.
They had to be removed inch by inch.
With the reassurance that my counselor would always be there trust began to happen.
He tried to be available whenever I needed him and returned my calls as soon as he could.
He would often tell me, “I will never leave you…unless I die… if that happens there is nothing I can do.”
I often would pray he wouldn’t because I couldn’t bear another ‘deep’ loss to my heart.
The theme lately has been trust and my question to God is why?
In the midst of my dad being very sick and some relationships showing some changes.
It feels like I am being asked one more time to trust.
God is my trust and I must stand firm in the knowing ‘only He knows the reason why’ the message keeps coming to me.
What do you do when you realize a theme is taking place ~ do you listen and take heed or do you choose to ignore it?