Grief is not a state but a process… like a walk in a winding valley with a new prospect at every bend. ~ C.S. Lewis ~
I have been thinking a lot about those who we have lost in the last few years.
Mom’s and dad’s and good friends too… adored pets have joined that journey of leaving us.
Grief is a process.
It is embedded in memory, in songs, in smells, in dreams.
It is when one makes a special meal ‘you once shared’ with another.
It is a conversation you knew to be special.
It is a blanket or a warm sweater that ‘they wore’ or their favorite book or hat or cane.
It is remembering a time when you all laughed or cried together.
We have lost a lot this year.
Like the leaves on the ground who are beginning to fall.
We remember… in pieces.
In fragments.
Disjointed and scattered, oh in time the pain lessens.
That doesn’t mean you didn’t love or miss them.
It just means our hearts are not raw any more.
I was thinking of my dad today.
He left us last September. 
Almost a year ago I was in the hospital with him along with other family members.
He was uncomfortable but able to say, “I want a doughnut.” 
A diabetic can’t have that but he knew how to manage the sugar and 
he loved a maple bar and my sister bought him some.
You don’t deny something from someone who is dying.
My dad was kind of a mystery to me.
He didn’t let others in too close but as he grew older and sicker that wall lowered 
and he shared some things with a few who were near to him.
They talked of matters of the heart issues and requests made to be honored.
I remember the first time he came to my house when I lived in the country it was strange to see my dad drive up the long driveway for a visit.
He wanted to spend time with us and I had to take that into my heart very slowly.
He brought with him his big dog and always his ‘humor’.
It will always be a precious memory for me having dinner with my dad while we sat outside on the deck.
All we have now are memories. 
My husband and I have lost our parents.
His dad left last March, my dad in September of the same year.
My mom in June of this year and other friends too in the last few months.
My husband lost a brother and his mom passed from us four years ago a few days before Mothers day.
The hardest part of someone leaving is saying good bye and sometimes you don’t get that chance.
It is a process… a journey.
Sometimes very expected and other times the news is shocking to our heart.
We say good bye in layers for we know grief is a process.
Because we know when you love from your heart
it is never easy to let go.