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Once it is realized by the child who is now an adult
that the way they grew up was not something that they could change;
the work of forgiveness can take place.
Grace (which is unmerited favour) is given when we realize it is not something they earned but something 
we need to do for ourselves to heal deeply.
The child who was never loved or minimally loved with conditions
who was never nurtured and who was never valued
can learn to forgive but to fully forgive means also to fully understand;
that it never was about the child. 
Parents make choices and whether those choices were intentional or not
children have to live with those consequences.
To fully forgive… is to finally say:
I don’t need them to understand why it hurt ‘me’ so much.
To fully forgive is to finally say:
“You are my parent and I wish you would have made better choices.”
To fully forgive is to realize grace can be given even when 
the parent doesn’t really deserve it or appreciate it.
Someone once said: 
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.
My thought is: 
Forgiveness is when we move from the place of retribution and into a place of resolution.
To fully forgive takes courage and strength and the will 
to press on with peace in ones heart.
I pray that all of the adult children who are needing that peace 
will find it through the steps of forgiveness.