There was a time in years past, when I could sing and carry a decent tune, in fact in high school there were a few ‘choir recitals and solo contests’, even won a few of them.
In our early married lives my husband and I used to sing together in church and on occasional wedding settings, remembering the one wedding where we were asked to sing endless love and evergreen.
The one wedding where for some reason the piano player and the singers were not ‘so together’, yet she rescued us and made us sound very good in the end.
That my friends, is a gifted musician.
I sang solos in church and concert settings, with a friend of mine.
It was very comical because she was tall and very large and I was short and very petite, she stood beside me while I was on a chair.
It has been a great grief of mine to lose my voice.
I warble out a tune now in the key of a mans voice and I can sing really well with our music pastor at church.
High notes and myself do not meet anymore on any song.
Too many throat infections have taken the tones away.
I have grieved this loss. It was very hard because music has always been a comfort to me.
In prayer one day I had to give it to God and ask him to bless my attempt of a joyful noise.
The alto notes that were once my ‘scale’ is now lower and rarely do I sound like I once did.
Harmony used to be a ‘go to’ for me.  So love to listen to the voices blending with different notes.
On Saturday afternoons we sit in our family room and listen to the Gaither’s as they sing their southern gospel songs, and we do join in and sing, but when I do it is clear the voice has changed.
Along with many other parts of the aging process that have changed me in the last few years.
God knows this has been a deep grief to me.
So much scar tissue surrounds the vocal cords and my ‘sound’.
When we had the opportunity to sing to the dying.
I listened as others sang the beautiful hymns as we comforted those who were leaving us.
My normal role it to be the observer and that time was no exception.
I had to observe and listen and experience this very different kind of loss on many levels.
The beautiful part of singing is gone now, but that doesn’t stop me from singing.
Oh believe me, I sing and I sing to my heart’s joy… but not where any one can hear.
God knows my heart and that is enough for me.
He really is the only audience I need these days.